


Shattered Remnant

by Nyvera



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, I Tried, I promise it's good, Main Character does have a name but no other descriptions besides that, Major Original Character(s), Not just a fuck fic, Oh and you have a brother, Real character bonds, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Zombie Apocalypse, cursing, hope thats not a deal breaker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-11-21 14:53:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11359731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyvera/pseuds/Nyvera
Summary: You were used to being alone, you even liked it that way. It was easier to be a nameless scavenger, but what happens when you are forced to find sanctuary with a man who challenges those very ingrained ways of survival and is desperate to figure out your name?





	1. Scavenger

Before things went to shit, there was a lot of speculation on what the whole zombie apocalypse thing meant. You used to think that it was a kind of expression of people’s subconscious fears, that something big and impossible — some enormous crash or whatever — may be coming around the corner. But that didn’t scare you.

 

The question of what  _ did  _ scare you? Oh, now that was a big question. You didn't quite know what scared you at the time; maybe it was cockroaches or a nuclear apocalypse. But fear was always an interesting concept to you. It had a place in everyone's lives and you tried to be as fearless as possible. You didn't always succeed, but you liked to think you tried.

 

The funny thing is, out of all the things there is to be scared of in this world now... _ the fucking cold was one of them.  _ The walkers are still a big danger in this new world, but the cold is just as likely to kill people as the dead are. But here you are, freezing your ass off waiting for Hilltop’s runner to come with their goods along with Alexandria’s.

 

“Jesus Christ, it's fucking freezing!” you mumbled through chattering teeth as the cold wind once again blew through your many layers as if they were made of paper. You were from Maine for fuck sake, you’d like to think you’d be used to the cold, but it’s just never agreed with you.

 

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help with that.” the sudden voice of Jesus stirred you out of your thoughts.That sneaky bastard always thought it was funny to try and get the jump on you.

 

You let out a deep breath in order to try and calm your nerves with a shaky laugh. “Oh shut up, asshole!”  you replied sarcastically before rubbing your hands together in a desperate attempt to chase off some of the biting cold air, “What have you got for me today?”

 

“The usual, fresh produce. Rick's group did manage to find some .308 ammo for you, and some gas, so that’s something.” Jesus said with his million watt smile, not seeming to be affected by the cold.

 

You couldn’t help but let your own smile that creep onto your face at the mention of ammo. Sure, .308 ammo wasn’t scarce by any means, but it just meant that you didn’t have to risk your neck to go and find it.

 

“Well for their helpful services, and of course the produce from Hilltop, I got some more meds here for you guys and canned goods. Mix and match as you see fit, I know you and Rick will work out who needs what.” you scooted the box of goods towards Jesus, listening to it scrape against the pavement before reaching for the crate which held your ammo for your beloved Winchester .308, along with the gas and the produce that Hilltop provided.

 

Rick's group had originally offered to trade whatever guns they found for items that you had scavenged, but instead you insisted that they keep them to trade with other groups or to give to the Saviors. Everyone always stared at you and your old rifle strung across your back like you were crazy, but nothing beats a good ol’ bolt action hunting rifle. Not to mention it was the last memory that you had of Liam.

 

“Pleasure doing business with you, Scavenger. Take care of yourself, alright?” Jesus said as he clapped a hand on your shoulder. His warm hand was a really nice fucking relief from the cold, but it was gone in an instant, and before you knew it, he flashed another warm smile before making his way back down the road — boots making a rhythmic pattern as they beat down on the pavement.

 

Thank  _ fuck _ they had managed to find some gas. You were running low and you didn’t want to think about even the slightest chance of your truck running out of gas in the middle of the road and you having to walk that distance in the cold. But with the jug of gas in your crate you didn't have to worry about that, and the thought of turning the heat on for the drive back sounded like heaven and made you jog faster back to your truck. 

 

You didn’t know if you were imagining it or not, but you swore you couldn’t feel your fucking toes because it was so goddamn cold. As you jogged down the road, the only thing distracting you from that fact was the sound of the .308 rounds clinking together in their box; the sound always brought back memories of hunting with Liam. He was the reason you were such a great shot. In fact, the longest shot you had made was about twelve hundred meters, but you knew you could possibly make it to fifteen-hundred, maybe a mile, if you pushed yourself.

 

Climbing in your truck, you couldn't help the release of the happy sigh that escaped your lips as you turned on the heat for the dozenth time this winter on the drive home, and you were sure as shit that it was not going to be the last. 

 

* * *

 

 

Home was a sight for sore eyes. It’s concrete walls were a welcoming sight, and once upon a time it was named ‘The Hollow’. You had learned it was once a rehab center for those not suited to be a part of the public, but apparently those people had evacuated to God knows where and your group took to calling it home before they all died; but to the rest of the groups out there, that’s what it still was, and you weren’t about to tell them otherwise. It’s better they not know it was only a graveyard now. 

 

But you kept reminding yourself what the best part about being alone was; it was the fact that you really didn't have to answer to anyone. You did what you wanted. At least that's what you told yourself everyday in order to try and forget what you had lost.

 

It had been a year since the sickness took everyone in the camp, this was before any of the group knew there were other groups out there, and just by chance you had been away enough trying to find meds that would work that you hadn’t got sick and died with the rest. But after the world went to shit you had been used to losing people you had grown close to, hence the name Scavenger or Scav for short. Names only made the loss harder, and that was last thing you need in this shitty world. All you really needed was the rifle on your back, machete on your leg, and a place to rest your head at night.

 

The only thing keeping you sane half of the time was your daily routine: get up at sunrise, go scavenging till the sun is cresting over noon, head back to The Hollow, organize the goods by groups and taking what you needed, clean your rifle, set the alarms at the one entrance to the small compound, and sleep. Only to start the whole routine again, unless it was a trading day, which was Monday for the Kingdom, Wednesday for Hilltop and Alexandria, and your _ personal favorite _ was Friday when the Saviors came to take ‘their’ half of  _ your _ goods. But it’s not like you were hurting with the amount of things you constantly found; if it kept them off your back and they left you in peace it was a small price to pay.

 

You had it pretty good so far. The only hard part was the nights, when your mind constantly liked to remind you of your one mistake in life. When you had left your real name behind and became the Scavenger. No matter what you did the same dream plagued your mind, seeming to not be satisfied with the amount of guilt you already carried everyday with the weight of your rifle.

 

So there you layed in bed, looking at the stars through the skylight above you before unconsciousness took you and Liam’s voice greeted you with an all too familiar sound that always reminded you of better days, his smile warming your thoughts that it gave you goosebumps before sleep took you.

 

* * *

 

 

_ “Lily!” Liam’s voice whispered next to you in the tree stand, nudging you with his elbow to get your attention “Lily, three o’clock, six-hundred yards.” _

 

_ Your eyes took no time to find the white-tail deer in the distance, “I see it.” You muttered to Liam, lining up the eight pointer in the crosshairs of Liam’s rifle. _

 

_ The more you hunted with Liam, the more you admired that which you were hunting. Animals always seem to make their way into the heart of the roughest terrains with a smooth reserve of strength; even through dense areas riddled with brush, and forests encumbered with fallen trees and boulder piles, across canyons, roaring streams, and snow-fields, showing beauty and courage. _

 

_ You envied them, but every time you squeezed that trigger it felt as though you had taken something pure from the world. But with your Mom and Dad gone, you and Liam had to find a way to keep the Grace family alive and make a living in order to survive.  _

 

_ So here you were, freezing your tits off in Dad’s old tree stand with Liam trying to make sense of what you were doing as you tried justifying it mentally to yourself as you exhaled and squeezed the trigger. The deer hadn’t even known its life was over as if fell lifeless to the ground _ _ — _ _ your shot had hit its mark. _

 

_ “Nice shot Lillian!” _

 

You jolt awake, breathless. The the sky was dark with clouds but you could tell it was barely sunrise as you forced your body to stand up out of bed, and it groaned in protest but you willed your body to move.

 

There wasn’t a night that went by that you didn’t dream about that day, other than the times where you were exhausted enough that you didn’t remember any of the horrors that your mind decided to remind you of while unconscious. Luckily your mind hadn’t got to the dreadful parts yet before you had woken up.

 

Putting the night behind you as you always do, you put on some fresh clothes and tugged on your hiking boots, slinging your backpack filled with a few supplies on your back and securing it across your chest before making your way across the small stretch of the compound and to your ‘79 Ford Bronco.

 

You didn’t need to always go scavenging but you felt that if one day you slipped up and took a break, you would make up more excuses to become lazier and not get out there and do your part, which would only lead to fewer supplies, and if something did happen to you and you got injured there is no way you could keep up with the needs of the other groups you traded with. It all seemed rather pessimistic but it was always better to be safe than sorry — especially with the Saviors coming down tomorrow.

 

Now, on your end the Saviors weren’t so bad; apparently you had lucked out when a small group from a sub-outpost of the Sanctuary had found you on a supply run. They had saw you leave The Hollow and followed you. While you had cleared out a group of the undead and were coming down off the adrenaline, they jumped you and told you their demands. Just like everyone else, they took one look at your compound and assumed it was only a small community inside the concrete walls, so you played the scared fool and agreed to their terms and let them take everything you had found that day.

 

Every week since then they had come for their tribute. The leader of this small group of Saviors who came to collect was named Marcus; he was young but that didn’t take away from the fact that he held an air of authority about him. His hair was a short chestnut color, and his green eyes held a look that made you deduct that he had seen some shit most people can never come back from. As time went on you got to know him on more of a personal level. He wasn’t that bad of a guy, and you would honestly go as far as to say that the two of you had become friends in that kind of co-worker sort of way — you even took special requests from him and promised to keep your eyes out for certain items he wanted. But the stories you had managed to get out of Rick and Jesus with a few sweet words about what this group had done — under the command of a man called Negan — made your blood run cold, so needless to say, you always remained friendly but kept your guard up in case of the worse.

 

So here you are, making your way down an old town road in search of a nearby store in hopes of finding different odds and ends that you think any of the groups would find use of, and in particular, a battery for Marcus’s watch.  Usually these days went by with only minimal risk, but today deemed to  _ not _ be one of those fucking days, and the woman who came running out to the road while waving her arms wildly and yelling for  _ help  _ was proof enough of it.

 

Now, normally, you would listen to the  _ bullshit radar  _ screaming in your head and just keep going,  but if you did that, there was a big chance that whoever was out there with this girl would follow you and make your day worse, so with a face of fake concern, you turned off your truck and tucked your keys into your coat pocket, jumping out of it to ask, “Are you hurt ma’am? What’s wrong?” your fingers were brushing the handle of the machete attached to your leg, and you could only hope that she hadn’t noticed that.

 

The woman in front of you visibly seemed to calm slightly with confusion, as if she didn’t expect for you to stop and had lost her place in her script. “It’s, uh, my-my son. He’s bleeding and I don’t know what to do!”

 

The woman's eyes kept glancing over your shoulder as she kept muttering on, and you let her continue to speak , “If you...would, um, help me I’d be in your debt.”

 

The hair on your neck started to stand on end, and it felt as if someone was coming up behind you but you tried to remain unphased  —  she had to believe you actually cared if this was all going to workout. You could see the rain start to sprinkle down from the clouds, and when a drop had hit the woman she jumped.

 

The feeling of a gun being pressed into your side spurred you into action, and the man it belonged to didn’t even have time to finish saying “Don’t move or-” before you had swung around to grab hold of his arm. Without a second thought, you brought down the machete in a long arc,  successfully relieving the man of his forearm after just a few swings.

 

His blood curdling scream echoed around the two of you, and he dropped to his knees while holding his stump arm. “You  **BITCH!** ” the man howled. 

 

You looked at the man with humorous confusion before saying, “So, the two of you had planned to kill me or rob me and I’m the one who's the bitch? I see something fucking wrong with this equation.” You raised the machete up once more, ready to put the man down.

 

It was in that moment that the woman rushed you in a futile attempt to stop you from ending the man's life. You merely shucked her off your back and let your fist connect to her face, causing her to fall down to the pavement before swinging around in an instant and sending your machete into the man's head. 

 

“ _ Jake! _ ” the woman cried out.

 

As you whipped around to face her with the man's blood on your clothes and face, she started to crawl back in fear while muttering a repetitive string of “No’s” as you approached. You put a boot to her chest, effectively stopping her from moving further. Her hands immediately started clawing at your shoe trying to lift your foot off, but her struggle was useless.  The rain was now pouring down relentlessly, plastering your hair to your face and washing the blood of ‘Jake’ off your face; the pink droplets of blood and water landing on the woman's face.

 

“Now look,” you started, keeping the woman's gaze as panic started to grow in her eyes, “it was a good plan you two had — ”

 

“Please, just let me go!” The woman tried to bargain. She started pleading between her sobbing breaths, tears threatening to form in her eyes.

 

“Okay, it was half of an okay plan; well, lets just be honest with each other, it was actually more like a hopeful idea.” you continued, her words falling on deaf ears.

 

“Please, I won’t tell anyone about you, I’ll say it was a Biter that got Jake... just please let me go!” she blubbered.

 

You simply glared down at the woman, “So on top of being a thief and a murderer,” you pressed pressed boot down harder on the woman’s chest, “you’re also a  _ liar _ .” As the woman tried shifting under the weight of your crushing boot, something silver caught your eye around her neck. A child's locket that spelled the name ‘ _ Margret _ ’ on the front.

 

Your eyes turned dark, the machete in your hand going down to her neck and lifting the necklace off of her chest, the rain that ran off the bloody blade and started dripping onto the woman's neck making her squirm even more. 

 

Your voice was cold and void of emotion as you reached down yanking the pendant off of the woman's neck, “Where did you get  _ this _ ?” you spat the last word, dangling the necklace before the woman's face.

 

“Wha-? You want it? You can have it bitch, just let me go!” the woman screeched. The item obviously meant nothing to her except some pretty trinket from some other victim.

 

As you opened the pendant there was no doubt in your mind that this pitiful shell of a human had killed the girl or mother who she had taken it from, and with a heavy sigh you removed your foot from her chest. The woman looked up at you baffled, “Go.” you said through gritted teeth.

 

“You’re letting me go?” the woman's voice was wavering from fear and the cold rain pelting down on the two of you.

 

“ **GO!** ” you screamed at the woman, your knuckles turning white on the machete grasped in your hand.

 

No more than a second later, the woman bolted up from the ground and started running down the stretch of road as fast as she could. The woman was just a speck on the road — maybe a thousand yards out — when you took the rifle from your back and lined her up in your sights.

 

With an exhale of breath and the squeeze of the trigger, the woman's body fell no more than a few seconds later, the bullet going clean through her head. In her mind she probably was still running.

 

Without a second thought you turned towards your truck and opened the door, laying your rifle in the passenger seat. Just before you hoisted yourself into the truck, your eye had caught sight of the arm you had chopped off the man. Picking up the severed limb, you couldn't help but let out a small sad chuckle at the watch on the man's wrist; it was the same model Markus wore. You lifted your head to the sky and let the cold rain fall onto your face, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” you muttered through an emotionless laugh.

 

You stripped the arm of the watch and took the handgun still gripped in the fingers, depositing the items into your truck before hopping in and stripping out of your wet jacket, turning the heat on high, and hanging the locket on the rearview mirror. You dug through the console till you found the mix tape of old eighties rock music that you had found when you first took the truck and called it yours, inserting it into the player. The whole drive home you sang along with all the songs, having heard them so many times that the lyrics were forever ingrained into your mind, the melodies and rain washing away the events of today.

 

When you had made your way back to the Hollow, you had made sure to clean your weapons as you always did, and prepared the crate of goods for the Savior's to pick up tomorrow, throwing both the watch and handgun into the mix before peeling off your dirty layers and crawling into bed. Having already checked the main door thrice, you were sure it was secure, and there was nothing else to do but waste time till the sun was low enough for you to deem it was late enough to go to sleep.

 

As dark as it sounds, what you had done today didn’t phase you in the slightest, today was about survival, and if that means you had to kill people before they killed you? So be it.  Was it necessary taking that woman's life? Probably not, but, the world would be better without people like her. Being soft in this world gets people killed, and letting people slip through the cracks creates a bigger problem in the long run. You had promised not to make any more mistakes…

 

As you drifted off to sleep you could feel the memory of the cold Maine air against your skin as your mind was transported back to that day with Liam, his voice pulling you back to the past.

 

_ “Nice shot, Lillian!”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my first attempt at writing a Negan fic and I hope when the character is introduced next chapter that I do him justice. Till then I hope you enjoy the chapter and comment as well as leave a kudos! Thanks!!!!
> 
> If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)


	2. Consequences

_The resounding thud of the deer falling lifeless to the ground woke you out of your hunters trance._

 

_“Nice shot, Lillian!” Liam beamed in excitement as you both made your way down the treestand, “Seems like you have been paying attention to my lessons after all. Every time we go out you just keep on getting better and better.” Liam finished with a smug smile, ruffling your hair with his hand._

 

_You grunted in frustration, pushing his hand away from your hair and trying to smooth it out, “Stop it! And you know I’m already a better shot than you, just admit it.” you said in likeness, your own smug smile creeping onto your face._

 

_“Like hell that will ever happen!” Liam laughed, before crouching down to inspect the deer._

 

 _One of the things you loved most about Liam was that he never expected you to dress the deer, the two of you had always loaded up the hunt and Liam went to work, skinning and preparing the meat. He knew how you felt about all this and he didn’t ask questions_ — _you weren’t a soldier like him who could simply turn their emotions off when they needed to._

 

_The sound of a twig breaking underfoot stirred you out of your thoughts, your head whipping around at the sound trying to find the source. Your eyes finally came to rest on a figure lurking in the distance making it’s way towards you and Liam._

 

_The figure in the distance was obviously human to your eyes, but something felt off. “Sir?” you called out to the figure of the man in the distance, and at your sudden vocalization Liam jumped noting the figure as well._

 

_You started walking forward cautiously towards the figure, “Sir? Are you alright? Do you need help?”_

 

_“Lily, stop, something doesn't feel right.” Liam whispered under his breath._

 

_You simply turned around and shushed Liam before continuing forward. The man was covered in blood and looked lost, and you couldn't quite make out his face behind the hat he wore._

 

_“Lillian get the fuck back here!” Liam hissed quietly, his pleas all but ignored._

 

_You had reached the man and put a gentle hand on his shoulder before once again saying, “Sir, are you okay? Is there anything we can do for you-” the man had turned around suddenly and his yellow cloudy eyes looked at you with a feral hunger, tackling you to the ground before you could even react._

 

_“Lillian!” Liam's voice screamed._

 

You woke with a cold sweat on your forehead and your heart was racing, but that wasn’t important right now; what was important was that you had to be at the drop point for the Saviors in about a couple hours—which was only your guess judging by the light barely breaking through the still cloudy sky.

 

Tossing the sheets away, you stood and started to prepare for the pick up with the Saviors. Even though you and Marcus were on good terms, you were always prepared for the worst. So after checking yourself and your goods over for the fifth time, you were sure that your rifle was prepared, your machete sharpened, and you had everything packed in the crate for the Saviors. With a small grunt you lifted the box onto your shoulder and made your way across the compound to your awaiting truck.

 

Just as you were fishing your keys out of your pocket, you felt your head collide with the side of your truck, and a pounding started throbbing in your head. Not even a second later were you thrown once more against your truck with your arms pinned behind your back, making you groan and swear under your breath.

 

“Think we wouldn’t find you, bitch?” a raspy, hot breath hissed in your ear, making you squirm in disgust.

 

“Look, whoever the fuck you are-” you barely had enough time to say anything before the voice interrupted you.

 

“Shut up! You don’t get to fucking talk after what you did to Jake and Melissa!” the voice bellowed in your ear, and the person put more pressure into twisting your arm behind your back, causing you to hiss through your teeth.

 

 _Oh, shit._ So that’s what this was about. You must have missed someone hiding while you had killed the two from yesterday.

 

“Hey, it’s not my fault those sorry fucks had the bright idea of jumping me and trying to take my shit and leave me for dead!” you spat back, thrashing against the pressure on your arm. You know it’s only going to make things worse but you would rather die than whimper beneath this rancid piece of shit.

 

Slowly, the man's fingers started weaving through your hair, “No, but you’re gonna pay for their deaths either way. By the time we’re done with you, you’re gonna wish we had just killed you, but I’m gonna wait till yer begging for it.” the man spat, while violently tugging your head back by your hair before smashing your face against the truck once more. You felt the slow trickle of blood run down your face and smear against your window from the cut that had formed above your eyebrow.

 

“Sam! Get this whore on her knees, would you? We need to load up the trucks before we deal with her.” the man had pulled you away from the truck, practically dragging you by your hair before throwing you to the ground in front of the woman you assumed was ‘Sam’.

 

You felt all your weapons being taken from you before you were hoisted back up to your knees, and you felt like you were going to be sick but you weren’t going to fucking puke in front of these people.

 

But at the sight of your rifle in Sam’s hands, weapon pointed right in your face to make you stare down the barrel of your own gun, you almost caved in to empty your stomach and hurl right on her.

 

 _Almost_.

 

Instead, you settled for a scowl as you juggled your options as best as you could in your scrambled mind.

 

There were at least eight of them—no way could you take them out by yourself. You could try to catch Sam off her guard and grab your rifle from her, but you would have to wait a while for that, and then what? Get a few shots off till one of them takes you down? No, you would have to wait and see how things play out. But the gravel started biting into your skin through your jeans, and you were beginning growing impatient.

 

You couldn't help but reflect on your own doom as you sat there with the only thing you had left to love pointed at your head, ready to end it all if you made one wrong move.

 

It’s strange how people fear death even more than pain, because if you were being honest with yourself, life hurts a lot more than death. But when faced before the abyss, you were absolutely terrified of the darkness that waited for you.

 

That was, until you heard the pounding of a fist against the garage like door of the entrance to your compound. All heads, including yours lifted up to where the sound was coming from. Your mind started racing with all the different scenarios of who or _what_ could be on the other side of the door, but every scenario you could think of didn’t end well for you.

 

That is, until you heard a familiar voice call out from the other side, “Scav? It’s me, Marcus. Open up would you?” Marcus voice sounded on the other side, but something seemed off in his voice, a slight quiver you could barely make out.

 

“ **_Joe!_ ** ” Sam hissed from next to you, trying to remain quiet as to not alert Marcus.

 

When you felt that familiar tug on the back of your head and you came face to face with the man from the voice from earlier and his knife at your neck all you could do was groan at the situation you were put it. You could only hope that Marcus would be able to help you.

 

“Who the fuck is out there?” Joe grunted, his spit landing on your face.

 

All you did was remain silent, because _fuck this guy_ if he thinks you’re going to tell him anything.

 

“Answer me bitch, or I’ll cut your fucking throat!” Joe was growing impatient with worry clearly written on his face.

 

Before you could respond, Marcus’ voice cut through the air in low, hushed tone through the door again, “Look Scav, I didn’t have a choice this time, we need to talk.”

 

Joe, seeming to be getting more nervous, let go of your head and pointed his knife at a skinny looking boy holding a crate for goods next to him. “I thought you said she was alone?!” he hissed behind his teeth.

 

The young boy gulped nervously before responding, his voice tripping over his words. “Sh-she was I-I swear!”

 

Before anyone else could say anything, another voice joined Marcus’ on the other side of the wall,  “I don’t think your girl is getting the fucking message, Marky-boy! Lucille is starting to get _really_ fucking impatient.” the voice sounded warm and smooth, like whiskey and the rumbling of a well tuned engine.

 

“Who the fuck was that?” Sam asked, panic starting to set in on her now as well. Something was wrong though, because you had never remembered hearing that voice whenever Marcus had come to collect.

 

So, yeah, who the fuck was he? And who the _fuck_ was Lucille?

 

“Scavenger, please. No one has to get hurt, at least not yet, just open the door and that won't happen. Trust me.” Marcus responded, his voice sounding desperate and full of guilt.

 

Trust is not the same as faith. A friend is someone you trust but putting faith in anyone is a mistake. While you didn’t have faith in Marcus’s word, you had to remind yourself that trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication and in survival. The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. That’s how this world worked now. And right now you were praying to whatever was fucking out there that he would bust down the door already and save your pathetic ass.

 

You could tell every nerve in your captors bodies screamed at them not to open the door, but it started to slowly dawn on them that there was no other way around this encounter. If they all refused or stayed quiet, you were sure Marcus and his group would force their way in.

 

Joe started pulling at his own thinning hair with his hands before letting out a loud exhale. “Sam, stay on this bitch with me. Ben, Ronni, Mitch, and Liz, get your guns up around us! Trevor and Joyce get that door opened but slowly. Just in case they decided to try and pull somethin’!”

 

The ones named Trevor and Joyce scrambled toward the door and reached for the pulley system, waiting for Joe’s signal for them to hoist the door up. After he placed his blade back at your throat and gripped your hair, he gave them the nod to start pulling.

 

The minute the door reached the halfway point, you knew these people were fucked, and possibly, you were too. Once the door reached the top, you heard the roar of engines as the vehicles started piling into your settlement at an alarming rate, causing Joe to jump and tug at your hair, and making you to hiss at the pain.

 

Again.

 

_God fuck._

 

Handfuls of men were jumping out of the vehicles and you just knew that Joe’s stomach began to sink at the number of them. The last to come in was Marcus on foot.

 

You don’t know what possessed them to act as irrationally as they did, but the minute Marcus walked past Trevor and Joyce, not noticing them hugging the wall by the pulley system, they pulled out their guns and put them to the back of his head, Marcus immediately freezing at the contact.

 

“That’s a really bad idea...” Marcus started.

 

“Shut up! We don’t want to hear it. Just tell me what _fuck_ is going on here before I cut your bitches throat open!” Joe hissed through clenched teeth from where he was standing behind you, pushing the knife closer to your neck, the metal starting to bite but not yet braking you skin.

 

Joe’s group that held you captive were becoming even more alert as the new large group of people started surrounding them and yourself, but you held your resolve in the face of not one, but also _two_ , threats.

 

“Well, what the fuck do we have _here_?” boomed the mysterious voice from earlier, enunciating every syllable as if he enjoyed the sound his own voice made. Your eyes snapped in the direction the voice came from, and you could see the mass of people start to move out of the way as the giant figure emerged from the crowd.

 

He held all the grace of someone who thought they possessed the power of the world in their hands, his stride confident yet lazy. His dark hair was neatly combed back, and was a pleasant contrast to his salt and pepper flaked beard, his brown eyes dark with a power that only someone like him could posses in this moment. Across his leather clad shoulders was a bat haphazardly wrapped in barbed wire but you’d imagine its results were effective. Not only was it deadly, but it was damn near _intimidating_ , and you felt the well known shiver of fear roll down your spine at the sight of him.

 

His leather clad torso exhaled as he let out a small breathy laugh, “Marky-Mark, I thought you said this compound was stable. Now it looks like they've got you by the balls and are using you as a fucking human shield.”  A shit eating grin spread across the man's face, showing his prominent dimples behind his beard. His eyes were on you as he moved forward, flicking his tongue across his teeth before continuing and assessing the others.

 

“Come on, enough of this shit, get everyone else on their knees.” He said with a lazy motion in your direction, casting his hazel eyes around the compound and seeming to be disinterested with what was happening.

 

Two men quickly went to Marcus’s aide and grabbed Trevor and Joyce before they could retaliate, and pulled Joe and his gang to kneel along side you on the ground.

 

Now, it felt as if all of you were facing the God of your destruction surrounded by a firing squad, and you had no idea how to react.

 

The leather clad man started walking up and down the line, examining everyone before stopping at you. “Damn! What the fuck happened to you? You look like a fucking open autopsy!” the man said, crouching down in front of you, a toothy grin spreading across his face as if he enjoyed mocking you just for the fun of it.

 

You didn’t answer, for fear of saying something stupid out of your anger at his comment that would get you killed, but you cast your anger towards Joe, who was sitting at your left, before quickly looking back to the man crouched in front of you, his bat twirling in his hands between his legs.

 

But he didn’t miss the quick glance you threw at Joe.

 

“ **_Oh._ ** No, no, no..” The man huffed with a shaky smile, getting up to move in front of Joe, “that shit is definitely not gonna fucking fly with me. No sir, not **today**!” He said, shouting the last word in Joe’s face.

 

Joe was shaking with fear as Negan brought his bat under Joe’s chin and lifted his face up to meet his. “You do that to her? Huh? Your fat, pathetic piece of shit self gets off by beating a defenseless woman?” the humor was gone from his eyes and had been replaced with something deadly, but his toothy grin remained.

 

“Don’t let this pretty face fool you, I know how to take care of myself. That disgusting blob would’ve been dead in seconds if he didn’t get the fucking jump on me.” you said simply, voice void of emotion, trying your best to glare at him without revealing how worried you were about how this event would unfold.

 

“Is that right?” the man said, turning his gaze back to you but not lowering his baseball bat from the Joe’s face, “I gotta admit, there's something really sexy about a woman who can handle herself.” the man replied, licking his lips and not hiding the fact that he let his eyes roam over your body before coming back to rest at your eyes.

 

“Who the fuck are you and what the hell do you want, asshole?” Sam snapped suddenly from beside you.

 

“Oh, where are my manners,” the man put his hand to his chest, feigning ignorance before his eyes went dark and he looked dead into all of your eyes before saying, “I’m Negan.” his breath ghosted coldly across your face in the winter air as he leaned back towards Joe. “And I’m here to get what belongs to me.”

 

Your whole body froze. What the _fuck_ was he doing here? All your time dealing with the Saviours, you had only heard stories of the man from Marcus and his group as well as from Rick and Jesus. He had never shown his face at any of the drops before so you couldn’t help but wonder why he decided now of all times to show his face. Was it because you had missed the drop this morning?

 

“Now, I assume you pussies are the only ones in the compound?” Negan said with cold eyes as he removed his bat from Joe's chin and waited for his answer. Joe slowly nodded his head, sweat already forming on his brow from fear. “Well then, let’s start this fucking party!” Negan shouted, eyes going wild with twisted fun as he swung his bat around in a grand gesture over Joe’s head, making the man jump next to you and whimper. “Saviors, would you mind checking the compound for lil ol’ me and get everything loaded into the trucks? Also, make sure they aren’t hiding anyone.”

 

You sat there, waiting as all of Negan’s men searched your compound, knowing very well that they would find nothing they were expecting, except maybe the mass of goods in your storage room.

 

Not more than five minutes later, one of his men came running up to Negan, his blonde hair sweeping across his burnt and mangled face. “Negan, there's no one else here. But we found something you’ll want to see.”

 

Negan’s face turned into a curious smirk, and marched to where the blonde man was pointing. Seconds later he came striding back out, smiling and shaking his head.

 

“Have you all been holding out on us?” Negan said as he once again crouched down in front of Joe, trying to look into his eyes. But he kept his head hung low, and mouth shut, and Negan obviously didn’t appreciate that.

 

“Jesus, is this guy deaf, stupid, or both? Answer the damn question!” Negan bellowed, bringing his bat once again under Joe’s chin and forcing his head up violently, blood starting to trickle from where it was placed under his neck.

 

You could tell by the way Joe almost pissed his pants that he was going to blab about everything, “L-look, this isn’t our compound! Really! It’s hers!” Joe all but shouted in fear, tripping over his words, and pointing to you “She killed two people in our group in cold blood and all we wanted was revenge! You can take the shit, all of it, but please, let me and my group go and we won't cause anymore trouble.”

 

Negan could only smile at Joe’s comment and stubbornness for a short while. “Now you see, that’s the thing. It takes eight people to take down one girl? That logic just don’t add up if this was just fucking about avenging your people. And no _way_ is this compound run by one fucking person.”

 

“It is, we swear! The bitch is a monster, she chopped off Jake’s arm with her fucking machete before driving it through his head and then made Melissa run till she was about a thousand yards out and executed her without a second thought with that fucking rifle of hers!” Joe said, hastily pointing to the rifle in the blonde mans hands with the burn across the side of his face, “You’re damn right we all came, I wasn’t going to take chances. I was going to end her quick and take everything here.”

 

At hearing Joe’s bullshit, you couldn’t hold your tongue, “Oh, really? So you’re fucking friends didn’t plan to kill me and take my shit when they stopped me in the road and put a gun to my back? You’re fucking raiders! Anyone that kills women and children without a second thought deserves to die! I at least gave them a clean death. What did you say you were going to do to me? Oh yeah, ‘By the time we’re done with you, you’re gonna wish we had just killed you, but I’m gonna wait till yer begging for it.’ go to hell, asshole!”

 

“Shit, is that true, Joey?” Negan said with a smile after you had finished, his eyes still on Joe, begging for him to try to argue with you.

 

“W-well I-uh…” Joe started before being interrupted by Negan.

 

“‘Cause you know, I’m inclined to believe the lady, because she sure as shit didn’t fuck up her face by herself, now did she? And let be honest with each other, Joey. You’re the lying piece of shit type, and if you think I’ll believe that anyone can make that kind of shot with an old rifle like that then you’re mis-fuckin’-staken.” Negan said, his voice dangerously low while he continued holding Joe's face with his bat, the barbs biting deeper into his skin.

 

You could see how bad Joe was shaking beside you—the amount of sweat rolling off the man was just as alarming. He was so frightened that he didn’t even say a word in his defense, besides the tear that started to roll off his face.

 

“He didn’t lie about that.” you replied quietly, trying to keep your voice steady.

 

“Excuse me?” Negan responded slowly, turning his head to look at you with a heated gaze like you had just lied to him.

 

“I did make that shot.” was all you said. You didn’t need to prove yourself with needless words, you knew what you could do.

 

Negan merely glanced at you for a second before looking back to Joe, deciding not to acknowledge the topic further, and slowly he lowered his bat from Joe’s face. “The real problem, you see here Joey, is I don’t tolerate that rape shit.” Negan spat at Joe, making the man quiver underneathe Negan's gaze, “But, I’ll figure out what the fuck to do with you later.

 

“As for now, I have a proposition for the rest of you sorry fucks!” Negan said, bouncing back up to his feet, plastering that cheshire grin back onto his face. “Either you sorry shits tell me where you're held up, give us all your shit and we can leave you with nothing but the clothes on your back,” he paused for dramatic effect, letting the silence and smell of fear sink in a little more, “or you can come work for me at the Sanctuary and keep your shit. I don’t tolerate people who don’t pull their own fucking weight, though, and if you think this is going to be a free ride then you’re wrong. If I hear even the littlest fucking problem about any of you, then you’ll get to know Lucille on a real _intimate_ level.” Negan ended, swinging the bat ‘Lucille’ with such force in the air in front of him that you could only imagine the effect it would have on human flesh.

 

One by one, you watched as Joe’s people accepted Negan’s offer, all too afraid of the alternative to deny him. You were confused when he had passed by you but assumed that there was more he needed to get out of you. “Alright, well, wasn’t this fucking fun? Simon, round up these sorry shit’s in a couple of the vehicles with some men and have them take you to their camp.” Negan said to a balding man with a handlebar mustache.

 

As the others were shuffled out and loaded into vehicles, Negan took the time to finally address what to do with you. “Now, I know I must've heard fucking wrong but to me it sounds like you've done all this shit by yourself and managed to convince all these ignorant fucks that you have your own little community here. That about right?”

 

“Yes.” you said simply. Negan was opening his mouth to speak before Marcus approached.

 

“Sir, I think she's telling the truth, the only person we have seen come in and out of The Hollow was her. Even on the drops, she was always by herself. I just assumed she was trying to keep it quiet from her group like The Kingdom. She gave us no reason to assume otherwise.” Marcus said with confidence.

 

Negan looked from Marcus then back down to you, looking into your eyes as if he was mulling something over. “Well shit, you’re a real fucking badass, aren’t you doll? Care to tell me your name?” Negan whispered. Invisible cogs were turning in his mind, but you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

 

“Scavenger.” You said shortly, not taking your eyes off of his.

 

“Come on now, you don’t want to tell little ol’ Negan your name? I know Lucille here would love to hear it.” Negan said, motioning to his bat still resting against his boot, before moving it to tap against his leg as if the bat was actually getting antsy.

“Scav for short.” you reply dully.

 

Negan’s jaw flexed in what you believe was annoyance, before looking away for a brief moment then back down at you. “Well that just won’t fucking do, I'll get it out of you sooner or later, but for now I have a proposition for you as well that you just _can’t_ refuse.” Negan replied with that shit eating grin you had seen earlier.

 

You looked at him quizzically before nodding your head for him to continue, “Option numero fucking uno, we take all the shit you have for us and them some, leaving you just as you are and keeping up this shit deal you have yourself convinced is good.” Negan paused, letting it sink in before continuing, “And option two, we pack up all your shit and you come with us to the Sanctuary, where you can do what you do best but with fucking back up. Plus you would have more than a garage door in the way of you and everything out there trying to fuck up that pretty little ass of yours.”

 

You let Negan's words filter through your head for a few seconds. Either way, they were taking your shit. But with how today went, the offer was extremely tempting. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that there were more of groups out there like Joe’s, and you had run into your fair share of them. It was starting to become even more dangerous for you to continue just staying at the Hollow by yourself. But then again, there was the stories you’ve heard from Rick and Jesus, that the man standing in front of you was someone not to be trusted, and if you left you were sure that Alexandria and Hilltop would take a blow from their loss of your trade. Things were going great for you so far and you didn't have to worry about losing anyone, so why change things?

 

“Do I have another option?” you muttered sourly.

 

“Well, I know little Negan has taken a liking to you. How about becoming wife number six?” Negan said with unattached lust in his eyes, motioning to what lay hidden just below his belt.

 

The look of disgust on your face caused Negan’s smile to grow wider.

 

You let out a ragged breath, as you mulled things over, but in the end you really didn’t have a choice so you decided to do what you thought would be best for you, “I’ll go with you, but on one condition.” you stated, voice trying to sound strong and sure.

 

Negan didn’t hide his displeasure when you said you had a condition. His face grew serious and he motioned for two of his men to hoist you up before leaning in to whisper, “You don’t fucking get to make up the conditions, sweetheart, but I find myself to be in a good mood with this haul I’ll be taking from you. So, what would that condition fucking be?”  His voice caused your body to shiver at his words, and he relished in the way he affected you, knocking you back down to where he thought you belonged.

 

“Him.” you whispered motioning toward Joe, still kneeling on the floor a few feet away, “Let me prove what I’m actually worth, and if I’m successful let me keep my rifle, it means more than you can imagine to me.” At that, Negan’s eyes glistened with curiosity at the challenge.

 

“Alright sweetheart, let's see if you live up to Joey’s legend or not.” Negan motioned for his men to hoist Joe up and bring him towards Negan.

 

“Well, looks like you’re free to go Joey!” Negan said clapping the man on the back, “But, I’d probably hightail it out of here because it’s getting mighty dark out and you don’t want to become Biter bait do you?” Negan’s eyes reminded you of a snake in that moment, toying with his prey before lashing out for the kill.

 

Joe didn’t need to be told twice and didn’t even acknowledge his group as they finished piling into the vehicles before he took off running down the road. Negan had walked over to Dwight who was in possession of you rifle and brought it to you, but not before inspecting it with doubt written clearly all over his face, purposefully letting this allow Joe the amount of time to get as far as he could down the street before you had a chance to line up your shot. “You really think you can make that shot with this piece of shit? If you do, color me fucking impressed, but if not, well, we’ll get to that later.” He said, his voice deep and filled with an unknown warning. After he passed your rifle to you, you felt this overwhelming sense of relief wash over your body, but Negan was still rooted beside you, not moving as he watched you line up Joe in your sights, taking your time and practicing on controlling your breathing.

 

Under your breath you muttered,“Twelve-hundred meters…” you knew the Saviors were looking at you in doubt, just waiting for you to miss the shot that some of them even went back to loading up the trucks while shaking their heads side to side with laughter and doubt.

 

But that would be the only time they doubted you, because after that gentle squeeze of the trigger and the loud _pop_ of your rifle, you knew that you had made your mark. Only seconds later did Joe drop, and the _thud_ of his body hitting the ground made everyone turn their heads in shock.

 

“Holy fucking shit balls!” Negan shouted, looking to his men then back to you, with a look you knew that meant he had hit the jackpot, “Welcome to the fucking Saviors, sweetheart!” he replied before taking one last look at you and making his way toward a big black truck that almost made you drool. “For that you get to ride with yours truly.” Negan added over his shoulder, making his way to his truck and holding his passenger door open for you, waiting for you to follow suit, but his eyes daring you to retaliate.

 

“Dwighty, be a good boy and take the ladies truck and grab her fucking shit, would ya?” as you made your way over, you didn’t dare protest the fact that he was having someone else drive your truck, but you didn’t have to like it.

 

‘ _Fuck this guy.’_ you cursed mentally, but in the back of your mind you knew that on his part, it was a good idea. For all he knew, the minute you all set out on the road you could just take off. Plus, you had just proved what a valuable asset you would be.

 

As you climbed in the truck, you couldn't help but admire it, and part of you thought working for this guy might not be that bad, but you quickly dismissed the thought when said man had climbed into the truck next to you in the driver's seat, giving you a wolfish grin like he was looking at his next meal. This man was still trouble, and with the stories you heard, he was not to be trifled with.

 

Just as you all started setting down the road, it started to pour again, as if it was a sign of washing away everything that happened in the past year and presenting you with a clean slate and promise of a new life. It took everything in your power not to fall asleep on the way to this ‘ _Sanctuary’_ , but you managed to will yourself to stay awake and watch every turn in case you ever had to find your way back.

 

To your surprise, Negan never gave you a sideways glance. It was as if he was planning something in his head and was lost in his own thoughts for the time being. That is until you saw the giant building you guys were approaching, even in the dark you could make out its giant concrete frame and heavily guarded gate.

 

As the truck pulled to a stop inside the gates, you couldn't help but gawk at it until your door opened and you whipped your head around to see Negan staring at you with that look that knew you were impressed.

 

“Welcome to the Sanctuary.” Negan said with a grand wave of his hand once you had stepped out of the truck.

 

Not long after you had arrived did Negan make his exit, claiming that he was going to be ‘balls deep’ in one of his wives and to not disturb him. The blonde man with the scared face you remembered as Dwight had come to stand beside you, passing you your truck keys and bag before you even processed anything.

 

“Follow me.” was all he said before moving past you and making his way towards the main doors. You quickly threw your bag over your shoulder and shoved your keys into your pocket before following after Dwight.

 

Dwight had given you a quick rundown about the rules of the compound and the points system, but since you were one of the saviors now and worked directly under Negan that was something you didn’t have to worry about. He also explained the meal times and that if you wanted anything decent to arrive early or else you were shit out of luck.

 

There were no empty rooms right now so you would have a roommate, which didn’t sound fantastic to you but at this point you weren’t complaining. And at the mention of actual working showers, you had sworn you had landed the best gig of you life. As you passed through the halls, you were surprised at the amount of life within these walls—at all the children running around the compound. The one bit of advice that you did receive from Dwight was to never go to the seventh floor, which was where Negan and his wives lived, unless you were called upon by Negan.

 

You stopped at a door with the words ** _“FUCK OFF IF IT ISN’T IMPORTANT”_** written across the door in bold, sloppy black letters, before Dwight raised his hand to knock, “Riley? You in there?”

 

When he was met with silence, he merely shrugged and tried the door, seemingly relieved to find that it was unlocked before motioning you in. “Riley is probably still down at dinner but she should be back later. She's one of the guards on the wall and works at different times so I can't say when or if she will be back tonight, but get some sleep. Bathrooms and showers are right down the hall if you need them. I’ll be back in the morning to give you a tour and explain what it is that we do.” with a nod in your direction, Dwight simply left the room and closed the door, leaving you to yourself.

 

With a huff, you threw your belongings under the bed on the other side of the room which was vacant of any decoration or belongings, and flopped on top of the bed, surprised by the quality of the mattress and the decent pillow and sheets it came with.

 

Your mind was swimming with the events of today and you couldn’t believe it had all happened, but here you were, and as you took off your boots and cleaned your rifle and changed into your pair of sleep clothes as you always had, you felt oddly comfortable with your surroundings.

 

So it wasn’t a surprise that you found yourself drifting away, the only thing foreign being the signs of life outside your door. That would take some getting used to. But it wasn’t long before you were finally letting sleep take you, and the only thing that you knew wouldn't change was the nightmare that you could see already starting to play in your mind.

 

 _“Lillian!”_ Liam's voice screamed, pulling you back to the darkness of your past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm so happy you all liked that first chapter even though there was no Negan, but you didn't have to wait long. Here he is in all his Negan glory, I really hope I did him justice because there's always that small part of me that thinks it's trash. Anyways, comment, kudos, let me know what you liked and what you didn't. Oh, and HAPPY 4th OF JULY!! (:
> 
> P.S. And happy belated Canada Day!!
> 
> If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)


	3. A New Home

_“Lillian!” Liam's voice screamed as you went down, tackled by the unknown man._

 

_You let out your own scream of alarm as the full weight of the man came barreling down on you, the inhuman groans and hisses that were escaping from him only fueling your panic further._

 

_“LIAM! GET HIM OFF ME!” you screamed desperately, the grey dead flesh of the man's jaw started snapping at you._

 

_Being caught off guard, you barely had enough time to block the assailants teeth, but you were struggling nonetheless. Not long after, you felt the pressure of the man's weight cease as Liam hauled the man off of you. But in return it caused the man to crash down onto Liam._

 

 _As you scrambled to get up and help your brother, you heard his ear piercing scream, “Liam!” you sobbed, running over and_ — _without a second thought_ — _you took out your hunting knife from its sheath and drove it into the man’s head._

 

_“Liam? Are you alright?” you asked desperately as you helped remove the now deceased man from atop your brother, noticing as Liam pulled out a rag and placed it to his forearm, hissing at the pain once he had gotten up._

 

_“Yeah, I’m okay, the fucker actually bit me!” Liam said, eyes wild in confusion, “But Lily…” he muttered quietly, looking down at the body and then back to you._

 

 _“What was I supposed to do?! Let that_ **_thing_ ** _eat you?” you replied quickly, while it was in self defense you knew you were in deep shit._

 

_But really, what the fuck was going on and what was wrong with that man? Was he sick?_

 

_“Did you see his eyes? And the smell, I swear he smelled just like rotting meat…” Liam said, reaching over to nudge the body with his boot._

 

_“What’s going on, Liam? You can’t tell me that shit was normal. There was something seriously wrong with him.” you muttered, hoping you didn’t just kill an innocent man._

 

_“I don’t know, but we need to get back to town and I need to get my arm looked at, it burns like a mother-fucker!” Liam replied as he tied the rag to his wounded arm, not letting you get a decent look at it._

 

_“Right, yeah…” you mumbled, picking up Liam’s rifle and making your way down the path towards the truck._

 

_The awkward silence that followed as you and Liam drove down the long winding roads towards town was almost gut wrenching, the remorse for what you had done settling in as your adrenaline died down._

 

_“What the fuck is going on?” Liam muttered under his breath, his eyes growing wide. You followed his gaze to the smoke in the distance, the town only about a few miles out._

 

_The two of you soon found out when you started getting closer and closer to town, watching as vehicles blazed by at an alarming speed, packed to the roofs and beyond with what seemed like all their belongings._

 

_As you were looking around at the chaos outside the window, you felt the truck pull to a sudden stop and heard Liam swear under his breath. “What is it Li-” your voice caught in your throat as you saw you neighbor, Mrs. Willetts pulling out and eating the insides of Mr. Willetts in the middle of the street._

 

_“We need to get the fuck out of here.” Liam said quickly, turning the truck around suddenly and following the sting of vehicles exiting town._

 

_“Do you think this crazy shit is going to last?” you muttered as you brought your hands up to tangle in your hair, pulling at the roots as if that would help you figure out what in the holy fuck was going on._

 

_“I don’t know Lillian, I don’t fucking know.” Liam replied, reaching to turn on the radio._

 

You woke with a nervous sweat on your brow, a fist pounding at your door causing an unknown groan to sound from within the room. In your half awake state, you started to panic before remembering the events of yesterday and where you were.

 

After a second and another string of knocks did you manage to call out, “Just a minute!” before quickly changing into your second set of clothes and pulling on your boots before grabbing your rifle, only casting a glance to the figure in the other bed in the room before rushing to the door to be met by Dwight, not so patiently waiting, for you to open the door.

 

“Took you long enough.” he grumbled before suddenly turning and walking down the hall.

 

It took you a second to close the door behind you and catch up with Dwight’s hurried pace, but you followed comfortably in step beside the man after a few seconds.

 

“First, we’ll grab some food from the cafeteria and then I’ll give you the tour, after that I suppose you can shadow me for the day and maybe a few after that till you get the hang of things.” Dwight mumbled, as if he could really care less about the whole situation.

 

“Okie dokie.” was all you said in reply in your best chirper voice, trying to make light of the situation, earning you a glare from the man beside you before he let out a small scoff and smirked.

 

The food wasn’t glamorous by any means but it was better than any of the canned foods that you had been eating, so you couldn’t complain. You also realized your companion wasn’t much of a talker, which for the moment suited you because in all honesty, what the hell did you really have to say? It had been years since you had participated in small talk and any questions you had could be answered when you were learning about the job.

 

What you _did_ in fact learn, was that your job would include being one of the many people that would go to the surrounding communities such as Hilltop and Alexandria to collect the Sanctuary's ‘share’ of their goods. Dwight did mention that Negan would sometimes accompany the group if needed or he felt it necessary, which usually was the case when going to Alexandria.

 

You could only imagine the look on their faces when they see you roll up with Negan’s group. You _really_ were not looking forward to that, but you’ll worry about that awkward encounter when the time comes.

 

Dwight had tried to introduce you to some of the other people you would be working with, but after awhile names and faces became blurred. It had been a long time since you had to remember this many names and all the faces that went with them. It might take you awhile, but sooner or later you think you could start to remember who's who.

 

Dwight was just finishing up the tour after the two of you had lunch, when you were both stopped by a small, raven haired girl whose brown eyes looked rather irritated at the blonde man next to you, her tan skinned hands coming to rest at her hips.

 

“So, new girl here comes in and gets paired with yours truly, and you can't even fucking introduce us before she sleeps in my goddamn room?” the girl started, her mock irritation evident in the way she moved and spoke to the man next to you,  “I almost hit her last night with my shoe! Chick was groaning like a goddamn walker and I damn near fucking bolted!” she finished with a huff. You couldn’t help the small smile that came to your face at this small girl's bold personality. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen such a grand display of how life used to be in a person, not to mention it came from a girl who couldn’t be older than eighteen.

 

“Riley, this is Scavenger, Scav this is Riley, your roommate.” Dwight offered simply, not phased by Riley's vexation, as if it’s something he was very familiar with.

 

“Well, with that shitty introduction out of the way-wait...Your name is Scavenger? Seriously?” Riley said, looking up at you with a baffled expression.

 

“What, you don’t like it?” you started, sending a smirk down at Riley, “Not as unique and scary as ‘Negan’?”

 

The girl snorts. “That’s not it. Scavenger is just a really fucking cool name, and here I am, stuck with a generic sounding Riley. Shit.” She turned to look at Dwight. “Hey, scarface, give me a cool nickname.”

 

“Does tiny little shit fit the bill?”

 

“Oh, haha, dickhead. You’re soooo funny.” Riley deadpanned, punching him on the shoulder for added effect. Dwight grunted and nudged her back with his elbow, sending her off balance. Riley made a noise at the back of her throat, reaching for the nearest thing to steady her and keep herself from falling, but because gravity is a bitch, she fell backwards into someone's torso before you could warn her as to who was rounding the corner at that precise second.

 

“Alright, who the fuck ordered the oompa loompa?” at the sudden sound of Negan’s voice, you froze, because you were sure that the moment you saw the girl fall into the man that she was in deep shit.

 

“Oh, there you are, old man. I was beginning to think your grandpa syndrome was slowing you down.”

 

Wait, _what?_

 

“The only thing slowing me down is the burden I carry by taking care of a little shit like you.” Negan reached down to ruffle Riley's hair with one of his gloved hands, his other still attached to ‘Lucille’, the object resting menacingly on his shoulder, “But, I see you’re already fucking things up as usual by getting the new girl here into trouble, kiddo.” Negan said, his eyes lighting up with genuine humor that caused your stomach to churn with confusion and shock.

 

“Dude, your insults are becoming increasingly hard to endure.” Riley clenched her chest dramatically, “and pfft, trouble? My name doesn't belong in the same sentence as that word. When have I ever done anything remotely bad?”

 

And it’s like Negan had expected the question, because his eyebrows raised, and he answered faster than you could comprehend. “How about that one fucking time you managed to get that fucker Fat Joey hanging upside down on a fucking rope?”

 

“Uh-”

 

“Or when you nearly set the fucking kitchen on fire after being a _complete_ dumbass?”

 

“Okay, first of all-”

 

“Don't forget the time she ‘accidentally’ got itching powder into the wives’ clothes.” Dwight chipped in, and although Negan looked extremely displeased with his interruption—he even made a point to send him a look—he still goes along.

 

“Yeah, fucking _that_ too.”

 

Riley rolled her eyes and muttered a quiet “okay, whatever” before shifting on feet and crossing her arms over her chest, and all you could manage to do after that was blink.

 

Watching the interaction between the two unsettled you. It was like spying on a private family moment that you couldn’t understand.

 

This _couldn’t_ be the same man you encountered yesterday.

 

As if Dwight sensed your confusion, he leaned over and whispered, “She’s been with him since the outbreak started.”

 

 _Ah_ , sentiment. Something that was dangerous in this world, but in all honesty you could say you were shocked. The fact that she had lasted this long wasn’t a surprise to you, but what did surprise you was the fact that she didn’t seem wounded by this new world.

 

Then again, wounds aren't always seen on the surface.

 

“Anyways, back to fuckin’ business!” Negan's sudden voice stirred you out of your thoughts, “I'm gonna need the two of you tomorrow at the gates at sunrise, it’s about time to pay good ol’ Rick the Prick a visit!” the lick of his twisted lips unnerved you as you saw a look of bloodlust in his eyes at the thought.

 

 _There’s_ the man you remembered.

 

 _Shit._ Your blood had went cold at the thought of the look on Rick’s face when he saw you standing with the man he hated most in the world. Hopefully—just maybe—you might be able to blend with the crowd and avoid what could be the most awkward experience, thus far, of your shitty life.

 

When a quiet and mumbled ‘alright’ from Dwight had met Negan's ears, he seemed satisfied enough to continue with whatever he had originally been planning to do. But not before stopping next to you, shoulder to shoulder, his eyes running over you once before muttering, “See you tomorrow.” obviously relishing the way his voice had caused a cold shiver to run up your spine. Yet despite this you refused to let your face show you were affected, turning to met his eyes and give him a curt nod of understanding. Negan’s small laugh in response rubbled in your stomach, as if he didn’t buy your show of confidence for one minute.

 

Only after he was gone did you let out the breathe you hadn't realized you had been holding. Looking towards Riley, you watched as the small girl looked at her shoelaces as if they were the most interesting things at the moment, a sad and obvious look plastered on her face while she tried to hide behind her hair. You couldn’t help the way you let your mind wonder back to your previous thoughts; what the _hell_ was their story? And how was it, after all that he’s done, did she still look at him as if he wasn’t the personification of fire and brimstone?

 

But just as fast as the look had come across Riley’s face, she was back to her bubbly, smirking, previous self. “Alrighty, Dwighty, I’m gonna take Scav off your plate and get to know my roommate before she leaves tomorrow. That alright with you, Mr. Grump?”

 

“Do whatever the fuck you want with her, I don’t give a shit. I have to round up everyone else that's going to be going out tomorrow anyways—so by all means—take her off my hands.” Dwight responded with the seemingly permanent sour look on his face, before he brushed past you two, leaving you to the mercy of whatever Riley had planned.

 

“Jesus, I’ll never get that stick out of his ass.” She peered over her shoulder, ponytail falling over her shoulder, before looking back at you with her brown eyes, and a tight lipped smile on her face. “Anyway, wanna go to the front gates? I was gonna head there to get some fresh air. Plus, you can get to know the people on guard, and I can tell you who the real asshats are.”

 

“Sure, after the past two weird and shitty day’s I’ve had, that sounds like a relief.” you say with a small chuckle, absentmindedly reaching up to run a finger over the cut on your right eyebrow and cheek you had received from the now deceased Joe.

 

“Cool beans. C’mon!”

 

As you and Riley made your way out of the compound, you had immediately noticed the drop in temperature as the sun was now setting in the sky. You wrapped your coat tighter around your body as the icey wind continually licked against your skin.

 

“So…” you started, dragging the word awkwardly as you and Riley had made your way towards the front gate, “You and, uh, Negan seem close.” you inquired nervously. You still had no clue to how Riley would respond to such an intrusive question, but it was bugging you ever since the two of them had opened their mouths.

 

She side eyes you then, but quickly—like she was afraid you’d catch her—before simply stating, “Yeah. We are.”

 

“He’s not your Dad, is he?” you start, stuffing your hands into your pocket and turning your gaze to the oranging sky, “You don’t exact look related, plus Negan doesn’t strike me as the loving father type.”

 

She scoffs, picking up her pace a little. “If you know anyone lucky enough to have their father still kicking, let me know.” her jaw shifts, “so no, he isn’t my dad, but he’s the closest I’ve got.”

 

At Riley’s answer, your eyes shift back down in her direction, “I'm curious then as to why he would trust someone like me around you. I mean, that’s just begging for something bad to happen right?”

 

Riley halted to a stop, a pointed gaze catching your own and causing your defences to skyrocket. “Okay, listen. First, if he thought for one second second you were capable of hurting me, he wouldn’t have put you with me. And second, I’m a whole lot of things, and smart is one of them. Not to brag, but I would’ve had your ass dead if you tried something funny. Why? Because _he_ fucking taught me.”

 

Riley’s words made you freeze — she cared _that_ much about him? “I’m sorry—shit I, uh, I didn’t mean to-” you try desperately to get the words out but they wouldn’t form on your lips. It had been too long since you had been around this many people—not to mention held a conversation this long with anyone but yourself.

 

“It’s whatever.” Riley breaks eye contact, gaze peering towards the direction of the gate, her weight shifting onto one foot. “Just... _sorry_ I sounded so harsh. I hate this twenty questions shit, and some topics aren’t for the faint of fucking heart.”

 

You couldn’t help the way your eyes shifted to Riley with a look of understanding. “No, really, _I’m_ sorry. You probably are always bombarded with these type of questions, but in all honesty it’s because it’s weird to see a man that could even strike fear into the hearts of the undead themselves, show such… _kindness_ towards someone else.” you absentmindedly kicked a rock in your path and shifted the weight of your rifle on your shoulder before continuing, “But, enough of that, I’m sure you have questions of your own? Ask away!” you try, desperately wanting to salvage the conversation.

 

Riley raises a brow, and for a split second it looks likes she has something else to say about your former comment, but then she shrugs. “Alright, Scav, first question. What’s the deal with your rifle?”

 

Your stomach dropped at her question. _Of course_ that's the first thing she asked, it’s the first question usually everyone asked. “It was-” you cleared your cracking voice before continuing, “it was my brothers…” as the words slipped from your mouth, you grabbed the strap of the rifle tighter, your knuckles turning white from the grip.

Riley had obviously noticed the past tense in your words, but thankfully she didn’t pry. “Oh…” was all she said, before awkwardly rolling her shoulders back and continuing her trek forward.

 

“Yeah, but it’s like you said though, ‘some topic’s aren’t for the faint of heart.’” you finally say, following after her and plastering a small smile on your face.

 

You don’t know if Riley heard you or not, because she didn’t reply. All she did was lead you across the stretch of pavement and towards the fences at the front, her head tilting towards the sky as she called up at a guard who had been perched at the top of the wall. “Hey, Zeke! Heard about the new addition to your pack, yet?”

 

Without so much as a look in Riley's direction, the man yelled back across his shoulder, “Of course I fucking have! You should of been there yesterday, Riley. That girl took her shitty rifle and—I fucking kid you not—shot some slime ball at like three miles away. I swear to God!”

 

“Well it was only about twelve hundred meters, but I appreciate the embellishment.” you yelled up to Zeke.

 

At the sound of your voice the boy nearly jumped out of his boots, “Shit!” he whipped around, combing his auburn hair out of his face, “I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t know you were there.” he said awkwardly, a blush creeping along his neck as he avoided your eyes.

 

You couldn’t help the laugh that burst from you lips, “It’s alright, really, at least you’re not talking shit behind my back, right?” you say, smile still lingering at you lips.

 

Riley snorts. “Oh, _he’s_ not the one you should be worried about when it comes to shit talking. Scarlett’s the one who you gotta watch out for. She’s the only other female guard, and she bites.”

 

The three of you continued to quip back and forth at eachother till the sun had officially set and the outside lights had hummed to life. “As much as I’m enjoying this banter, I’m freezing my tits off, and I don't know about you Riley, but I’m starving!” you say, reaching out to tug on her sleeve towards the main entrance.

 

“Alright, alright. Jesus, it’s like I’m the older one here.” She jokes before struggling to reach up and pat your head, “Let’s go get you fed, young one.”

As you and Riley made your way to the cafeteria, you couldn’t help but notice all the strange looks you and Riley received, not to mention the fact that people seemed to try and find any other seat besides the ones next to the two of you. “Hey Riley, is it me or is everyone avoiding us like the plague?”

 

“People avoiding you at all costs kind of comes with my relation to Negan.” She frowns. “But in your case? It’s probably because of what you did yesterday. It’s no biggie though, It’ll die down soon.” She pauses, “I think.”

 

You couldn't help but frown, too. You could understand people's caution but you’d imagine it was lonely for her. “Well even if it does die down, I promise you, I won’t start to avoid you. I’d be a pretty shitty roommate if I let some homicidal, leather clad-”

 

Before you could finish, Riley’s head shot up to give you a pointed look, reminding you not to go in the direction you were thinking.

 

You quickly recovered and replied with, “-I mean, some happy go lucky, crusader of kittens rights, keep me from making the first friend I’ve had in years.” you say, offering a smile in her direction.

 

She clicked her tongue in satisfaction but didn’t offer much else, and she got back to eating her meal with you following in suit.

 

As the evening progressed on and you and Riley had made your way back to your shared room, you couldn't help but reflect on these few short hours with the girl. It had been a long time since you had laughed as much as you did today, and if you were being honest with yourself, it felt _good_.

 

* * *

 

 As the trucks roar to a stop, you can't help but marvel at the size and beauty of Alexandria—It’s homes and people transporting you back to a time where the world hadn’t gone to shit, and things were almost normal. _Almost._

 

“Makes you sick, doesn’t it?” Negan’s sudden voice at your ear caused you to jump. You had been avoiding him all morning but your efforts seemed futile.

 

“All these sorry shits who don’t even know what the world is even like now; they all just sit behind their walls as the select few go out and shit their pants every day at the fucked up things they see.” Negan chuckled before walking around to face you, “And while we’re surviving and trying to bring order back to this fucking shit world, they sit on their sorry asses eating cookies and drinking fuckin’ lemonade!”

 

After Negan had turned around and continued forward, you couldn’t even deny the logic of his words, no matter how hard and fast you tried to drown out the thoughts they still seemed to surface. Because, there _was_ a part of you that was sick that these people lived so comfortably and still felt as if they deserved more, that they never felt hardship yet acted as if they had lost so much. They had no clue what loss ment.

 

With a huff, you tightened your jacket around your body and pull up the scarf Riley had let you borrow higher up on your face, letting your hair conceal the rest. You hoped that if you remained hidden in the group of saviors around you, you wouldn't be noticed. But if Negan could spot you amongst the crowd…

 

“Rick!” Negan’s loud voice drew your gaze to where he was in front of the group of saviors. Rick was making his way slowly toward Negan, “Now Rick, you sure don’t look happy to see me.” Negan paused, looking down at Rick once he had gotten close enough. Even though you could only see the back of Negan, you could feel his cheshire cat grin appear, making Rick shift nervously from foot to foot.

 

“Come on! After all we’ve been through together, you still don’t forgive me?” Negan said, his voice laced with fake sorrow and you knew he was just toying with Rick. But you had to give your props to Rick for keeping his cool, the only sign of his irritation being the small flexing of his jaw.

 

“You’re early. We didn’t expect you for another two days. We’re going to be light this week.” Rick mumbled quietly, the only reason you could even hear him was because of the eerie silence that surrounded the pair.

 

“You fucking wound me, Rick,” Negan starts, the scene reminding you of the conversation he had with Riley as Negan put his hand to his chest as if clutching his wounded heart, “and here I am bringing a fucking surprise for you with me!”

 

At Negan’s words, you see Rick's head shoot up, knowing that no surprise that Negan had ended well. Your face even showed mild confusion as you glanced around. You didn’t remember any of the trucks being packed with anything this morning except the saviors.

 

“Scavenger! Come here sweetheart.” the minute your name rolled off his tongue you wanted to vomit, your legs felt as if they they were glued to the spot.

 

Negan’s frame whipped around and his eyes found you in the crowd so effortlessly it frightened you, as if he could smell your fear. Negan’s eyes narrowed at you as you remained rooted at the spot, the crowd in front of you dispersing. “Don’t make me ask fucking twice, Scav.” Negan growled with warning, his arm outstretched and his hand beckoning you forward, Lucille resting against his leg in his other hand.

 

It was as if you had been put under a spell as your feet started moving on their own, making their way to stand next to Negan as he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you flush against him, purring “Good girl.” into your ear where only you and Rick could hear him.

 

Rick seemed dumbstruck as he looked at you, as if his eyes were playing a trick on him and you weren't really there.

 

“It looks like you’ve seen a ghost, Rick!” Negan laughed before continuing, “And, I know what you’re fucking thinking. No, I did _not_ force her here against her will; she came here and joined me on her own. Well, sort of.”  Negan smiled, licking his lips slowly as he looked at Rick, his grip still firm as ever at your side.

 

You could see Rick’s jaw tighten and his fists clench at his sides, and he shook his head lightly as if he didn’t believe a word Negan said. “Don’t believe me? Why don’t you tell him, doll?” Negan’s voice calmed as he turned to look at you, his warm breath ghosting down your neck.

 

As much as you didn’t want to say the words, you weren’t about to try and make up some morale excuse as to why you did what you did, so you settled for the truth. “The Hollow was attacked, Rick. If Negan and his group didn’t come when they did, I would of died. They saved me, in a twisted sort of way.”

 

The way Rick looked at you spoke volumes, as if he was screaming that there were other options which you could of took. “I don’t expect you to forgive me or understand but I need to pay back that debt.” you knew the moment the words left your mouth that they fell on deaf ears, because Rick's eyes were burning with betrayal.

 

“See, Rick? What did I fucking tell you? Everything you have belongs to _me_ , including her.” the heat of Negan’s hand was burning into your skin, like a brand sealing in his words. You cast your eyes away from Rick, not wanting to see those blue eyes filled with such malice.  

 

For added effect Negan leaned in toward Rick, “Oh! And you don’t happen to know this fuckin’ fine ladies name, do you?”

 

You refused to met Rick’s eye even as you felt them drilling holes into you. “No, but even if I did, it would be dead to me now.”

 

Your fists curled in at your sides. You knew Negan could feel you tense beside him but you didn’t care, not until Negan said something you didn't expect from him, “Hey Rick, I wrote you a poem, I think you're gonna fucking love it: roses are red, violets are blue, if you don’t shut the fuck up, I will make her shoot you!” Negan even raise Luciele to push against Rick’s chest for added effect.

 

_Why did he just defend you?_

 

When Rick remained silent, you knew he just wanted you all gone, and could you blame him? But you knew very well by the way Negan shifted beside you that he wasn’t going to give Rick that satisfaction. “Well, since you said it yourself that you’re light, we’ll just go ahead and wait here then till you find our shit! You don’t mind that now do ya Rick?” Negan said, cutting through the tension with his words like a knife.

 

Without so much as another word, Negan turned the two of you around and barked to the rest of the saviors to pull the trucks in for the night and get ‘ _cozy_.’ “I already found my bunk buddy.” Negan muttered beside you, and the look of disgust you threw at him only made the girn on his face spread wider, his pearly white teeth smiling at you.

 

As you moved to get out of his grasp, his hand darted out to grab your wrist, “I know your panties are in a twist but really, it would be in your best fucking interest to stay with me and Dwighty boy in one of these houses, unless you're asking for a knife to the throat.” and with that Negan let go of your wrist, making his way to one of the houses before casting a glance across his shoulder and shouting, “You fucking coming or what?”

 

All you could do was glare at the back of his head as he continued forward before Dwight had approached you, “Come on, let's just get this shit out of the way. Then we can go back home and we can both fucking pretend none of this happened.” Dwight groaned in as much annoyance as you felt as he put a hand to your shoulder and nudged you forward with him.

  
This was going to be one _awkward_ fucking night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! As promised another chapter! I hope you guys really like it and enjoy Riley. She's going to be in the story a lot and I wanted something different to add to this alternate world, she is inspired by a very near and dear friend of mine who gave me the inspiration to actually try and write a Negan fic. Most of her dialogue comes from the source itself so that it felt more natural and not staged. I would really like your guy's feedback and any other comments you have! And don't forget to share it with your friends and leave a kudos!
> 
> I tweet updates on the new Twitter page I made, so when I'm writing and plan to update, which I think will be on Mondays, that you guys can be prepared! Also if you have any questions you can always message me or tweet me. [@NyveraWrites](https://twitter.com/NyveraWrites)
> 
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	4. Who Am I?

_‘It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.’_ You hummed in agreement with Charles Dickens words as you sat on the porch swing, trying to block out what had happened only a few hours ago by reading a book. But in reality, your main goal was to  try and ignore the man that was inside doing _god_ knows what.

 

You only cast your gaze up slightly from your book when Dwight had swung the front door open, and with his exhale of breath you could only assume that he was out here because of the same reason you were. _Negan._

 

“What’s that smell?” you asked as the air from inside the house had hit your face before the door closed. Whatever it was, it smelt absolutely delicious.

 

“Negan is cooking.” Dwight muttered after he made his way over to rest against the railing of the porch.

 

At that you lowered your book and gave Dwight a doubtful look. “You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking.”

 

“Wish I was.” Dwight said with another deep exhale.

 

You followed Dwight's gaze to observe the seven other Saviors in front of the home on watch, all of them bundled up and continually moving to try and fight off the cold. As you looked at their faces, you couldn't help but wonder what each of their stories were, and how they ended up following someone like Negan. You couldn’t help it as your eyes drifted back to Dwight, the burnt side of his face screaming at you to ask how exactly he had got it.

 

Dwight turned to look at you then, like he had felt your eyes roam his face. He knew why you were staring, but before he could tell you to fuck off, a shrill whistle sounded in both of your ears, causing the both of you to turn toward the door.

 

“Kids! Dinners fuckin’ ready!” Negan’s voiced boomed through the door.

 

You and Dwight both looked as if you wanted to start running in the opposite direction, but after a few seconds, the two of you managed to get your feet moving towards the door. The minute you stepped inside, the smell from earlier seemed to intensify, and as you both made your way in, you found the table set and Negan patiently waiting at the head of the table with a grin plastered on his face. Your and Dwight's plates sat on either side of him and Lucille was propped up against the table just to his right.

 

Dwight had his made way over but you remained standing awkwardly looking at the meal set out in front of you, Negan piped up, “We don’t have all fucking night, food’s getting cold.” his grin shrinking slightly in displeasure.

 

At Negan's words, you finally got your feet moving and took your seat slowly. Negan, seemingly satisfied, whipped his cloth napkin off the table, stuffed it over the front of his shirt, and started cutting into the meat on his plate with a seemingly happy grin on his face. Dwight had soon followed after.

 

All you did was stare at your plate before asking, “What type of meat is this?”

 

“Venison. What, not to your fucking tastes, doll?” Negan glanced at you as he cut into another piece, his eyes practically begging you to make this night more interesting.

 

You picked up your fork and you muttered a, “Not exactly.” before pushing it to the edge of your plate and going for the steamed vegetables on your plate.

 

Negan kept his eyes on you for awhile before going back to his meal, thankfully not pushing the subject, _this time._

 

“So I bet you’re wondering how Dwighty boy over here got his charming good looks.” Negan piped up again, his wolfish grin growing even wider.

 

Dwight remained silent as you cast your gaze to his face for a split second before looking back over to Negan, “No, not really.” you lied as if you weren’t going to ask the man earlier yourself.

 

“Oh come on now, sweetheart! I know you’re dying to find out.” Negan leaned over towards you as if he was going to share a precious secret.

 

When you remained silent, Negan continued, “You see, Dwight here wasn’t always this handsome. He even had a sexy little wife if you could imagine!” Negan laughed, nudging Dwight with his elbow before continuing with his story, “You see, here’s the short version: they fucking stole from me! _Me!_ Can you fucking believe that? And when they came running back like the pathetic little pussies that they are, practically begging for my forgiveness, I was prepared to let Lucille get nice and personal with Dwight here.”

 

Negan’s eyes were cold and serious but a smirk was still on his lips as you were quietly listened, still eating slowly before Negan leaned in even closer. “But his wife’s pleas for his life touched my fucking heart so much that I allowed him to live. I now get the privilege to call her my own wife now! But that wasn’t enough. You know why?” Negan waited patiently for a moment before moving to whisper in your ear, close enough that if you moved, his lips would brush against your skin, “No one breaks the rules without receiving some type of punishment, so I had Simon ready the iron. You should've _heard_ the screams this man let out before passing out from the pain. He’s lucky he didn’t have to smell his own cooking flesh before-”

 

You couldn’t hear anymore as you bolted up from your seat. “If you’re trying to scare me, don’t waste your breath. Message received.” your fists were clenched tightly at your sides as you bolted from the house, grabbing your rifle that was propped up by the door before slamming said door on your way out.

 

Upon hearing the bang of the door, one on the Saviors on guard, whom you remembered as Arat, looked back at you before you stormed past her. “I need some air.” was all you gave as an explanation before you made your way down the street. There was only a few Alexandrians wandering the streets as the sun was setting, but with the amount of Saviors walking around all they did was give you dirty looks as you passed by.

 

You soon found yourself at Alexandria’s tiny cemetery looking at the graves before you, and you didn’t know how long you stood there staring at the graves ‘till you heard footsteps behind you in the dark. But you knew exactly who it was, which prompted you to speak up. “If you knew this was going to happen, that you’d find yourself in this situation, would you live your life differently?”

 

The person was silent, and then, “Negan asked me to come find you and bring you back.” was all Dwight offered, ignoring your question completely.

 

“You know, this weather is almost as frigid as you are.” you say with a shaky laugh before turning around to look at Dwight, the moonlight hitting his mangled skin and making it look more ghastly than it was.

 

Dwight scoffed at your comment, “Yeah, well at least I don’t look to the dead for company.”

 

“Hey! I like the dead, they make good conversation.” you said, trying to keep your face as serious as possible.

 

Once you saw Dwight’s stoic face break into a smirk, you felt the tightness in your chest cease. “Well, you’re going to have to cut that one sided conversation short because we gotta get going.” Dwight nodded his head over his shoulder before turning around to walk back down the street.

 

You quickly ran after him, falling to a comfortable silence beside him. The two of you still may not be friends by any means, but you had grown a small amount of respect for each other. And as you made your way back to the house, you didn’t feel as on edge knowing Dwight was there with you.

 

* * *

 

The minute the sun had broken through the curtains in the living room, you let out a groan of annoyance. The couch you occupied was hardly the worst thing you had slept on, but it still caused your joints to scream in relief when you sat up and rubbed your eyes before stretching.

 

“You know, the bed upstairs has fuckin'  _plenty_ of room for two.” Negan’s sudden voice and breath on your neck caused you to jump to your feet and turn around violently, almost making you trip on your feet.

 

Negan let out a loud, throaty laugh. “Damn, sleeping beauty, did I scare ya?”

 

But in annoyance you simply said, “No, but I _was_ wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don’t show.”

 

Negan’s eyes went wide at your comment, but his toothy grin turned into a smirk, “Damn…” Negan murmured before making his way around the couch to face you, “Sexy, talented with a rifle, _and_ funny? What else are you hiding from me, princess?”

 

“You know, you’re a real piece of work.” you sighed out in annoyance, before crossing your arms across your chest.

 

“Oh, I _know._ I’m a goddamn masterpiece—but it’s nice to hear you say it.” Negan said, leaning in close enough that your noses almost touched.

 

You stood your ground as you glared at the man in front of you, already dressed and groomed for the day with Lucille by his side.

 

Negan's eyes shifted down to your lips and back to your eyes before running his tongue along his own lips, and you dropped your arms and leaned in only a fraction more before saying, “I’m assuming since you’re down here the shower is free then? If you’d excuse me, I’d like to wash out the smell of morning breath and the memory of this encounter.”

 

Negan ran his tongue over his teeth before biting his lip, as if he was debating on whether he should let you go or torture you some more with his presence. But he surprised you when he moved to the side and extended his arm out in permission for you to go. You could feel his eyes burn into your skin as you climbed up the stairs towards the bathroom, the feeling made your skin crawl.

 

After you had finished your shower and climbed down the stairs with your towel still desperately trying to dry out more of your hair, you noticed that Dwight and Negan were already gone, and at the table was a plate of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. As much as you didn’t want to give Negan the satisfaction of eating his food, you were starving considering all you ate last night were a few vegetables before you had ran off.

 

As you put your plate in the sink, you couldn't help but notice the Saviors packing up the trucks with supplies, Rick not to far away and talking with Negan—or in reality—listening to Negan talk _at_ him.

 

With a shake of your head, you grabbed your rifle and slung it over your shoulder before making your way towards the group. It seemed that Rick had gone out with a few others and worked through the night to find enough supplies for the Saviors.

 

“That’s the kind of hustle I like to fucking see, Rick!” Negan’s voice sounded as you got closer. You rested against Negan's truck, hoping that this meant you all got to go home. You wished Negan had let you drive your truck over, but he was insistent that you ride with him and Dwight. You knew he wouldn’t trust you enough to let you drive your own vehicle on these outings until you had proven yourself—after all, it had only been a few days since you met the leather-bound fucker.

 

As Negan continued his mini speech to Rick, you couldn’t help but notice one of Rick’s people across the way. You thought her name was Rosita, but you couldn’t be sure. She had this look on her face like she was itching to do something but it wasn’t the right time. You would have keep an eye on her whenever you came back.

 

Thankfully, Negan had given the order for the Saviors to get in the trucks and prepare to head out. Dwight had reached you first and pulled open the door before you climbed in. When Negan had finally gotten to the truck and claimed his seat on the driver's side, he turned to give you a grin, “Well wasn’t that just fucking fun? We should all do this again,” Negan shifted his gaze toward Dwight when you continued staring forward out the windshield, “don't you think. Dwight?”

 

Dwight muttered a small ‘yes sir’ in response before Negan started up the truck and drove towards the open gate. You leaned over towards Dwight before saying, “Careful Dwight, a person can only kiss so much ass before they choke on shit.”

 

With that, Dwight elbowed you in the ribs, causing you to let out choked laughter.

 

“What’s so fucking funny?” Negan turned to glare at you two.

 

“Oh, nothing. Dwight just told me a funny joke.” you could barely contain your composure as you responded to Negan.

 

Negan glanced at you and raised his eyebrow in challenge, “Oh really? Here I thought you actually had a _good_ sense of humor.”

 

You could feel Dwight tense beside you, as if he knew you were going to retaliate. “Excuse me, _sir_ , my sense of humour is fantastic.” you tried to enunciate ‘sir’ the exact same way Dwight did earlier for added effect, and Negan simply looked at you daring you to finish your train of thought.

 

But with that challenge written on his face you had to respond, especially with the way this fucker made you—and you were sure Dwight as well—feel yesterday after he told you Dwight's story. “For example, I’d laugh hysterically if you suddenly got hit by a bus.”

 

After the words left your mouth, Negan’s eyes darkened before he looked back down the road, his head shaking from side to side before leaning over close to you and muttering, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you back for that, doll.” the dangerous rumble in his voice made a cold shiver run down your spine, and by the way Negan laughed under his breath, you knew he felt it.

 

Once the Sanctuary was in sight, you never knew that only after a few days it would be a relief to be back, but after that little show in Alexandria who could blame you?

 

As you all had gotten closer, you noticed Riley immediately, since she was at the front gates waving wildly at the three of you in the truck, a chuckle escaping your mouth.

 

“Have fun during your slumber party at Alexandria? Next time you assholes should invite me.” She called when the trucks were close enough, your boots hitting the pavement and the noise resounding across the area as her hands wrap around the metal bars of the gates.

 

“You know your ass stays behind those bars, where I know you’re safe and I can keep an eye on you.” Negan replied after pulling the truck through and jumping out as soon as it was parked.

 

Riley sneered up at Negan, trying to seem bigger and more intimidating than she was, “Hey bitch, I do what I want, don't make me cut you!”

 

A smirk appeared on Negan’s face and he threw his hands up in mock defense of himself. “Woah there tiny little death ninja, did you _seriously_ just call me a bitch?”

 

Riley threw a few punches in the air toward Negan, ignoring his rhetorical question. “I'm not tiny, you’re just a fucking giant!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, you're a special fucking snowflake.” Negan smiled down at her as he caught a few of the soft punches in his hands.

 

Riley put her hands on her hip and rolled her eyes playfully, “Thanks, fuck face. I can tell that was really from the heart.”

 

Negan reached down to ruffle Riley’s hair. “Any time, kiddo.”

 

You and Dwight were once again caught in this awkward situation of watching this incredibly tender and weird moment, and not knowing what to do, you put your arm up on Dwight’s shoulder. “I think I’m going to throw up from this Negan backlash.”

 

To your surprise, Dwight actually laughed, drawing not only your attention but also Negan and Riley’s.

 

“What? You laugh at her jokes and not mine? Thanks, Freddie Kruger!” Riley says in mock irritation. Dwight simply ignored her and continued talking with you over by the truck.

 

“Yeah those two seem to be in chuckle fucking city.” Negan growled, actual irritation on his face.

 

Riley looked over at him then, a teasing smile pulling at her expression as she nudged him with her elbow. “Awe, is little Negs getting butthurt and feeling like a third wheel?”

 

Negan turned his sharp gaze toward Riley. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

 

“Shouldn’t you be telling kids that Santa Claus isn’t real?” Riley retorted with a smug look on her face.

 

With that, Negan stormed off, barking orders about where to put all the shit and how he was not to be disturbed this evening.

 

You slowly approached Riley after you had watched Negan vacate the area. “I have to say, I’m glad to be back and not in the same room as him.”

 

“You think you’re better off with me? If you think he’s bad, you got another thing coming. I’ll be getting your ass into all sorts of trouble!” Riley responded with a mischievous grin plastered on her face.

 

Even though all you wanted to do was laugh with Riley, your mind couldn’t help but travel back to when Negan was talking about how he had burned Dwight’s face, as if he enjoyed it. And then he can return here and with Riley it’s like he's in a whole other world, that he’s a different person. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, you were still scared of the man.

 

When you didn’t respond, Riley noticed you were staring in the direction where Negan had ran off, like you were waiting for him to come back brandishing Lucille and threaten your life. By the way Riley looked at you, you were sure she had seen that look before on so many of the faces here at Sanctuary. _Fear._

“Scav? You aright?” Riley asks, causing your attention to land back on her.

 

“What? Oh, yeah I’m fine. Just a little tired and hungry I guess…” you mutter back, eyes fixated on nothing in particular.

 

Riley gives you an unconvinced look. “Well, whatever you say. But when you wanna talk about whatever’s bothering you, let me know.”

 

“Thanks, Riley.” you say with a small smile.

 

Throughout the day, Riley tried to make you laugh as much as possible, but when dinner time came around, you could tell she knew your spirits wouldn’t be fixed by simple laughter. That what you _needed_ right now was to talk, and once the both of you had gotten back to your shared room, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

 

“Negan told me about what he did to Dwight's face…” you started, grabbing Riley’s attention right off the bat, “It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if it weren’t the fact that he was practically boasting about it like he enjoyed it. And honestly who in their right mind has _five_ fucking wives?” you had tugged off your boots and flopped onto your bed as you were ranting, your head now lying in your hands as you had tried to rack your brain into having any of this make sense.

 

“Negan’s...complex.” Riley replies after a short stretch of silence, plopping down on her own bed and laying back. “I know he can be scary and vulgar, but his intentions are good.”

 

“Good? What about what he did to Rick’s people? I heard the stories Riley; how was brutally bashing in the heads of two good people benefiting Negan?” you reply, not really understanding how she could be defending his actions as just.

 

“Do _you_ know what Rick’s fucking people did to us?” Riley started, a tone of anger dipping into her words, “They killed an entire one of our outposts, _good_ men and women, in their fucking sleep.”

 

At Riley’s words your body froze. Rick had left that important part of the story out.

 

“Over thirty people snuffed out because Rick didn’t want to negotiate. Negan was fucking merciful for only killing two. You want to know the even shittier part? It was originally only going to be one, but they had to fuck that up for themselves too.” Riley looked over at you from across the room, her eyes reflecting an unshaken loyalty that you had yet to understand.

 

“Riley, I had no idea that-” you started before Riley cut you off.

 

“No, you didn’t.” she huffed out in annoyance.

 

“I’m sorry, but I’m probably not the only one who doesn’t know the whole story. Nobody knows him like you do.” you say softly.

 

“I don’t know if anyone ever will. He’s changed a lot since the beginning, and yeah he’s done some questionable things,” Riley paused, looking down at her nails, biting them in what you supposed was a nervous habit. “But he’s never failed me, and when he’s out there putting on a show, it's not just for him. It for every one of us. It’s to keep us safe.”

 

The passion which Riley had spoke about Negan shook you. The only time you had ever seen anyone in the light that Riley had held Negan was with you and Liam.

 

“Look Scav, I know you mean well, and that’s why I’m going to overlook this and ask you a favor.” Riley had a look in her eyes like she was about to tell you one of her darkest secrets.

 

“Anything, Riley. Ask.” you urged her on.

 

“Everyone is scared of him for that exact same reasons you are, but try to get to know him as I have. I know that may seem impossible, but he’s human like the rest of us. Don’t pass your judgement of him so quickly.”

 

“I will certainly try then if that’s what you want. I promise.” you say, giving Riley a warm smile before the two of you fell into comfortable silence, sleep soon taking you.

 

* * *

 

After your and Riley's talk last night, you had some insight into the mind of Negan, sure it all still didn’t make sense, but it was a start. Your heart ached at how Riley must feel inside, because the fact is, it’s hard watching people change. But, it’s even harder remembering who they used to be. You had to believe that everything happened for a reason, it’s key to surviving in this world, and without it you’ll go mad. Watching the people you knew change so that you could learn to let go was always the hardest. But when things went wrong, it strengthened your appreciation for the times when they went right. You had to start believing the lies, so eventually you learned to trust no one but yourself, and unfortunately, the good things fell apart so better things could fall together. When you looked at the Sanctuary, it all started to come together in your mind.

 

The sudden pounding at your door caused you to bolt upright in your bed, “Scav!” a voice called from behind your door.

 

At the person's voice, Riley too had bolted upright in her bed, but she was brandishing a shoe that she had chucked at the door with full force, and luckily it was made of metal but it still left a dent. “Jesus fuck, Simon! I’m trying to goddamn sleep, you prick!” Riley was _definitely_ not someone who appreciated to be woken up early.

 

Before either of them could wake up the rest of the people on your floor, you jumped up from your bed to lace up your boots and grab your rifle before whispering a quick ‘sorry’ to Riley and closing the door behind you.

 

The man Riley referred to as Simon was not what you had expected; his lithe body and receding hairline only seemed to enhance his wild eyes and gave him an overall look of someone who was not to be fucked with or they might they go crazy on your ass. “Hey there, how ya doin’?” Simon said in a oddly chipper voice, looking you over and noticing your confused look before adding, “Negan said I could borrow you on the supply run to Hilltop, seeing as one of my usual guys is out sick. Whaddaya say?” a wide grin peeked out behind Simons mustache at you.

 

You could tell by the way he was looking at you that you he wasn’t really asking, but in all honesty you just wanted to work. That’s what you were here to do, so you gave him your own wide smile and replied in your own sprightly voice, “Of course, what do you need?”

 

He seemed slightly surprised by your own eagerness, but seemed to relax by it as well, as if he didn’t have to puff is chest out so much in intimidation to tell you who was in charge.

 

“Great. And now that you mention it, I need someone to take some food down to the cell block before we leave for a certain prisoner. By then we should have everyone and the trucks ready to go.”

 

“Alright, no problem. Here,” you said, fishing out your truck keys from your pocket and tossing them to Simon, “my truck can fit about three, so two other people can ride with me, but there’s plenty of room in the back for supplies.”

 

Simon gave you a peculiar look before he responded. “This has been a nice turn of events! And you know, it's funny, Negan said you might give me some trouble. See you in twenty.” Simon responded before turning around and making his way down the hall, a light tune whistling from his lips.

 

You knews things were going to take time to adjust to, but after last night, you felt like your eyes were opened a little wider to this new setting. As you made your way down to the cafeteria to pick up breakfast for yourself and the prisoner, you tried to remain positive about the day, even though you knew you would be seeing Jesus again under different circumstances—just like Rick.

 

You finished eating before asking the kitchen for another tray for a prisoner, making sure to state that it was by Simons orders, and when the worker on staff came by with a sandwich with what looked like patee on it, you gave them a pointed look. “You’re fucking kidding me right? What is this shit?”

 

“Dog food. It's what that rat deserves!” the bulbous man behind the counter said with a scowl on his face.

 

You let out a slight chuckle before putting your arms up on the counter. “Listen, I get it. whoever it is that's down there probably deserved to get locked up; and with the way Negan runs things, I’m sure they are living in their own personal hell.” you leaned in even closer, giving him a small smile, “But let's imagine for a second if you were in their shoes. I’d like to think that someone would at least have a heart enough to have some small amount of pity for someone as great as you, am I right?”

 

When the man just continued to glare at you, you continued, “Now, I know there is a shit ton of oatmeal stewing away in that pot over there that is just going to end up being recycled for tomorrow morning, and by the looks of that fruit over there it will go bad within the day and there is a _lot_ of it. SO, what do you say you fix up a plate of that and I’ll get out of your hair and not tell Negan that you just let food go to waste?”

 

“Fine.” the man grunted, passing over the new tray.

 

“Thanks, you’re a real peach, you know that?” you smiled over your shoulder at the man before exiting the cafeteria, tray in hand.

 

As you made your way to the cells, the chorus of some sickening upbeat song— _something about being on ‘easy street’?_ _—_ was ringing in your ears. As you approached the guard in the hall, you asked them kindly to turn it off before your brain melted, and the girl on duty merely huffed in understanding before pushing a button on the stereo behind her, which seemed to be wired to all the cells.

 

After asking her which one the food had to be delivered to, she directed you down the hall third from the last on the left. It took longer than you thought as you made your way to the right down the hall but you eventually heard the stirrings of life.Whoever was behind the door was probably eagerly expecting their food.

 

You flipped the lock on the door and opened it slowly, not sure exactly what to expect but preparing for the worst if they thought they could take you on. When the door was fully open, you noticed the man curled in the corner of the windowless and empty room. Your heart immediately wrenched for the man. The clothes they had given him were filthy and the bucket in the corner was in desperate need of cleaning.

 

When his blue eyes met yours from behind his long, dirty hair, you almost wanted to take him away from this place at that moment, and judging by the look in his eyes, you could only imagine there was someone important waiting for him back home. Unless she was dead.

 

You slowly made your way into the room towards him, and when he tensed up, you put your free hand up to show you meant him no harm as you placed his food down next to him.

 

His eyes adjusted to see what you had brought him, and they went wide. You could only imagine this was the first time he's seen real food in a while, but you could sense his hesitation, like it was a trick or some cruel joke. But the thought seemed to pass as he lunged for it quickly and started to spoon the oatmeal and fruit down his throat.

 

“Woah, slow down there and chew, you might choke.” you said softly as you crouched down next to him as he was finishing it.

 

All he did was glare at you as he continued, and when he had finally put the tray down, you took it and slowly started to rise, but before you could leave, you heard his deep yet quiet voice, “Why?”

 

You looked back at him curiously. “If you think this was a last meal before death thing, you can ease your mind. As to why? It’s the human thing to do. I’ve done some shit in my life too, but I don’t think anyone deserves to be forced to eat the shit they’ve been giving you. Not even Negan.” you finish with a sad laugh.

 

At the mention of Negan’s name, the man's eyes went dark, and he scoffed in disgust. “I’ll try to get this gig more often, alright? What’s your name?” you ask hopefully.

 

When he continued to glare at you, you took that as your cue to leave. “Wow, you’re as bad as me on the whole name thing. I’ll see you soon, hopefully.” you say finally before closing the door.

 

You don’t know what possessed you to say what you did and make the decision to try and make this man's stay more bearable, but whenever you thought about it, the man’s eyes stared back at you. You may be a Savior now, but you weren’t a total asshole, and sure, perhaps he has done some bad shit, but he has done nothing to you, so at least there was someone in his corner trying to keep him from dying of starvation.

 

As you passed the guard down the hall with the empty plate, you mentioned to her to contact maintenance or whoever was on the cleaning crew to come down and empty out the prisoners bucket. She gave you a curt nod of understanding before you left to drop the tray back to the cafeteria and make your way towards the gate.

 

It looked as if everyone was about ready to leave, so you made your way over to where your truck was sitting to see a familiar face waiting.

 

“Zeke!” you called out, waving at the auburn hair boy as you approached, “You with me?”

 

“Yes ma’am! I actually volunteered  when Simon said you would be coming with us on this run.” he said with a nervous grin, still not quite making eye contact with you.

 

You nodded your head in understanding, “So is it just you then?”

 

“Yeah, just me.” Zeke said, finally letting his green eyes meet yours for a moment before casting them back down.

 

“Alright, then! Let's get this show on the road, people!” Simon’s voice answered for you as you and Zeke hopped in your truck.

 

As you started up your truck and followed the parade of Saviors away from the Sanctuary, Zeke fiddled with his walkie before asking. “Have you been to Hilltop before?”

 

You cast your eyes to him before looking back to the vehicles in front of you, “No, but I did trade with them before I came here.” you said simply, seeing no reason to lie to the kid.

 

Zeke seemed to drop the conversation after that, taking in the passing scenery as he propped his elbow up and dropped his face into his gloved hand to look out the window.

 

If Jesus was there, he was sure going to have a few words to say to you; but as you drove along with the Saviors, the worry seemed to grow less in your mind, you were ‘Scavenger’ for a reason.

  
Yes, you _were_  the lone scavenger. But now? You were Scav of the Saviors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm really sorry I didn't get this chapter up on Monday, my mental health has seriously been drained these past two weeks.. But here it is! So show some love and don't forget to comment and kudos!
> 
> If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)


	5. That's What Friends Are For

The Hilltop was what it’s name had suggested. As you and the train of Saviors rolled up to the compound, it’s tall wooden walls made it look like an old fort from some old war sitting on a hill.

 

Once the gates had opened and you all drove in, you couldn't help but marvel at how they lived, as if they were in fact living in colonial times. You and Zeke had stepped out of your truck as soon as everyone had parked and saw Simon climbing out, following him up to the grand home at the center of the compound, your weapons at the ready.

 

No one from Hilltop dared to meet your eyes as you and the Saviors had made your way across the grassy terrain, as if they all ignored your group's existence in their day to day lives. Compared to the greeting you had received from Alexandria, you prefered the glazed over glances; sometimes it was even better to be blind to what happened behind the walls of this deteriorated monster of a civilization.

 

What caught your eye most about Hilltop was their blacksmith. To have someone as skilled in forging as they did was a stroke of the purest luck. The roaring sound of the fire being stoked and the steady _clink_ of hammer hitting steel was comforting to you, and you could only imagine it was as well to the residence. You even noticed Zeke’s gaze constantly wandering around in wonder of the simplicity of it all—and for a second—you could even imagine what your brother must of thought of it all, his eyes holding the same amount of mirth and excitement as Zeke that it made your heart beat duly behind your chest in faded sorrow.

 

“Oh, Gregory!” Simon’s sudden sing-song vocalization and kicking in of the front door had caused you to jump, making you remember to keep your head on the task in front of you. It was always dangerous when you let your mind wander too far.

 

You heard the hurried footsteps thudding heavily against the ground before your eye met the mousy man they had belonged to. Maybe mousy wasn’t exactly the right word you would have used but your mind kept going back to it. Perhaps it was the way the man tried to hold his head up higher than Simon's even though the fear was etched into his eyes for all to see, and the steady tremble of his hand had told you that he had plenty to drink before Simon's visit.

 

“Ah, Simon! I was expecting you, how about joining me for a drink?” Gregory had tried to hide the fear in his voice, but the quivering tones weren't hard to miss as he held out a shaky hand for Simon to greet.

 

“Well as much as I would fucking love that, Gregory, I’m here to do business! You know what they say, never mix work with pleasure, am I right?” Simon said, nudging Gregory in the side, causing the older gentleman to jump nervously and clear his throat awkwardly.

 

“Haha. Right, of course, how forward of me. But please, make yourself at home. I’m sure my people have everything ready for you.” Gregory said after he had calmed himself down enough to respond to Simon.

 

Simon had quickly sent you all out to start sorting things into the trucks, but stayed to talk with Gregory, and you couldn’t help but admire how Simon held himself like a smaller version of Negan. When you had first met him, it had kind of surprised you how he mirrored the man when it came to presentation, but it made you respect the man all the more in an odd way.

 

You and Zeke had almost managed to fill up the bed of your truck as the cold was steadily lapping harshly against your skin; taking pity on the boy, you threw your keys at him and told him to start warming up the truck, and the look on his face told you how happy he was to hear those words and to be able to get out of the cold that was biting at your cheeks. Only one more box had awaited you as you made your way across the compound to pick up the last produce box, but the hand that lashed out and snatched your forearm was a surprise to say the least.

 

Your body was pulled in between the wooden wall and mobile homes as you felt your body pushed against the cold metal, “What the fu-” you had started to say, but a hand had shot out and covered your mouth, silencing you. After a few blinks, your eyes met familiar blue ones in front of you, and at your visible recognition, the face smiled at you and they lowered their hand.

 

“Scav? What are you doing here?” Jesus said with that giant smile on his face, throwing his arms around your shoulders in a hug which you returned.

 

“Would you like the truth or an exaggerated lie?” you respond in kind with a chuckle.

 

Jesus’ face slowly started to turn serious, “You’re joking right?” his implied meaning wasn’t missed, it wouldn’t be hard to put together what exactly you _were_ doing here.

You merely just shrugged your shoulders before saying, “It’s a long story.”

 

The thing you loved about Jesus is that he didn’t really tend to judge. Sure, he didn’t like Negan, but he didn’t question you for your exact reasons.

 

“Well, when you get the time I’d like to hear your pathetic excuses.” Jesus said with the teasing smile returning to his lips.

 

You couldn’t put into words what Jesus’ trust in you made you feel; he knew that some things just couldn’t be easily explained or avoided in this world.

 

The sound of Zeke’s voice calling your name jostled the both of you out of your private moment. “Thank you, Jesus.” you said before pulling him in for another hug, letting that tell him all the words you couldn’t say out loud. Giving his arm one last squeeze, you quickly ran out to pick up the box of produce and made your way towards your truck, not daring to look back.

 

“There you are sweetheart! Thought we’d have to leave without ya!” Simon greeted you as you came into view, but you knew that if you _had_ disappeared, there would no doubt be a man hunt.

 

You let out a small laugh before pulling up the sleeve of your jacket in mock pretend of looking at a watch before saying. “It’s four o’clock, don’t you think you should fuck off?”

 

With a smile and a small shake of his head, Simon waved away your jibe before climbing into the truck at the head of the string of vehicles. Upon your return to the truck, Zeke stared at you, his jaw slacked in shock, “Did you just tell Simon to ‘fuck off’?”

 

You let out a sharp laugh before slapping a hand on the boys shoulder as you passed by and climbed into your truck, “What? Are jokes a foreign concept where you come from?”

 

The ride back to Sanctuary was just as quiet as the way to Hilltop, and the only noise permeating the cab was the small chatter buzzing over Zeke’s radio. The calmness of it gave you a warm feeling in your stomach, the semblance of normalcy vibrating in your skin along with the engine. You had so much chaos in your life that it became normal. You could even say that you had become used to it, but driving down the road with the sound of life so close; you decided to just relax, calm down, and take a deep breath. Trying to wrack your brain over how you could make things work rather than just complain about how they were wrong was the only way you could move forward.

 

There was still an hour or two of daylight—even though the clouds admitted only a greyish light. Zeke had already fallen asleep with the walkie still clutched in his hands, forehead pressed up against the icy glass where he had previously been in deep thought staring at the dead world beyond. As the gates of the Sanctuary appeared over the dwindling horizon, you gently put a hand to the boys shoulder, shaking him from his slumber and muttering a small “We’re here.” as he groggily rubbed his eyes of sleep.

 

The immediate sight of Riley at the gates lifted your spirits, causing a grin to crawl its way across your face. With energetic eyes and a sarcastic remark from RIley you knew you were home. You didn’t even need to ask for her help unloading the trucks as she had already started to join you carrying in the various crates and showing you where they all belonged.

 

It wasn’t long after that when Simon had excused you all with a ‘well done’ as the bright stars were sliding into their rightful places in the night sky. You decided to join Riley on the last of her watch before the two of you could go off to get dinner, the subtle whispering of the leaves were almost hushed in the crisp winter air. As the two of you sat in comfortable silence, you both marveled at the stillness that was shadowy and sweet. It was in that pure wonderful moment when, for lack of a visible horizon, the not yet completely darkened world seemed infinitely greater—a moment when anything could happen, and anything could seem possible, if you believed hard enough.

  


With the last of the light you took a look at your companion. Everything about her was messy: the eye makeup she must have found and messed around with smudged just below her left eye, the fly aways in her hair pinned so poorly up, and the tears and rips and blood splatters on her clothes. But Riley had become something more in those few days you had spent lost in your own emotions and confusion. She never judged you and practically accepted you with open arms. Whether it be because she trusted Negan’s judgement of you or not didn’t matter, because she had let herself be vulnerable in front of you and that was more than you could say of yourself.

 

The eerie darkness of night finally took hold. And slowly, you began to sink into it as the groaning of nearby biters had brought you out of your trance. You felt like you were both disappearing along with the sun, like if you held your hand in front of your face it would be fading into darkness. Even as the front doors of the compound slammed open, you didn’t jump, but what came next did.

 

“Riley,” Negan’s voice called out, your body immediately stiffened at his known presence. “I thought we were having a goddamn meal tonight, kid.”

 

“Shit, sorry gramps, I forgot you eat before 6 o’clock!” Riley shouted back sarcastically before continuing, “Me and Scav kinda got caught up out here, enjoying some fucking silence for once. I was actually gonna eat with her if that’s alright.”

 

You turned to follow Riley’s gaze towards Negan, and his eyes flashed to meet yours before moving back to Riley’s. “Fucking bring her for all I care, just be up there in thirty. I don’t want to fucking ask Amber to bring something up.”

 

“Yeah, yeah alright.” Riley mumbled, picking up her gear as the other guard had climbed up to meet you two and take her place.

 

Once Negan was gone and the two of you were out of earshot of everyone, Riley piped up. “You don’t have to come if you want. I know what you think of him and-”

 

You gently interrupted Riley by putting a hand on her small shoulder, “I’d love to, Riley. I know what I said before and I’m still iffy about the guy but, I promised I would try.”

 

Riley looked down at her sneakers before kicking a rock across the concrete, “Alright, thanks.” she mumbled before leading both of you to the cafeteria. The sight of the food made your stomach grumble in anticipation as the both of you had made your way up the stairs to Negan’s floor. You could hear the voices of multiple females as you walked the top floors hall. There seemed to be only two rooms and you assumed one was for Negan’s wives and the other was exclusively for Negan.

 

Riley didn’t even bother to knock as she strode in, and you followed after a small pause and closed the door behind you. When you had turned around, your jaw slacked at the sight. Not only did Negan have a roaring fireplace that eased the cold winter air considerably when you had stepped in, but the walls of his office/sitting space were fully stocked bookshelves. As you got closer, you even noticed that they weren't just filled with miscellaneous books but actual novels that you recognized and read, and even some that you had not, that you had wanted to before the world went to shit.

 

You were too busy gawking to notice Riley slide your tray of food out of your hands and slowly take it to the table before returning back to your side, crossing her arms across her chest smirking at you. “Pretty cool huh? I managed to find most of these while we were travelling and even after we got here. My section is over here though.”

 

Riley had dragged you a few cases over and pulled a couple of thin sleeved comics and held them up proudly in front of you, a colorfully illustrated Captain America and Bucky Barnes staring at you from the covers.

 

“Why does that not surprise me? Captain Perfect-Hair and the Winter Smoulder.” you say with a full laugh.

 

“Hey!” Riley pouted, slamming the covers back to her chest as if she could protect them from your words, “Don’t make fun of my babies like that!”

 

“Oh don’t fucking get her started.” Negan’s sudden voice sounded, closing the door to what you assumed was his bedroom before he walked over to pull the comics from Riley’s hands, even though she had a death grip on them, before scoffing and putting them back on the shelf.

 

“Let’s eat some fucking food, I am goddamn starving!” Negan said before ruffling Riley's already messy hair and making his way to sit on the couch in front of a plate of food. Riley was grumbling in annoyance but followed after him shortly, taking the spot at the end of the coffee table on the floor, the fire warming her left shoulder. Leaving you the last spot on the couch between them, _shit._

 

Before either of them could comment about your apprehensive behavior, you made your way over and sat down, putting plenty of distance between you and Negan, which you were sure he noticed. But after the last meal you had with the man, you were just trying to keep within your own bubble at this point.

 

Without fail, Negan and Riley had struck up conversation about their days and even told a few jokes. You even laughed at some but chose to remain considerable quiet, not wanting to break the calm moment and cause Negan to turn into his usual self.

 

That is, until he had turned and asked you something, your mind so lost as you looked into the fire and listening to their calm voices that you it took a while for it to register in your head.

 

You cleared your throat of food before saying, “I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Damn Riley, is your new best-fucking-friend deaf or what?” Negan said with a dark chuckle. Riley sighed at his choice of words, pushing the last of her food across her plate as she waited for one of you to blow up you’d imagine. But you promised her you would try to play nice.

 

Negan finally tried again when you simply stayed silent, waiting for him to repeat himself. “I said, how did the fucking run to Hilltop go?”

 

“Oh,” you started, trying to find the right words you thought he would want to hear, “well I think it went fine. That Gregory guy seemed like he wanted to piss his pants when he was talking to Simon. The guy seems like a real weasel though. Don’t know how someone like that is in charge over there, but I guess that’s a good way for you to keep control of things.” you say nonchalantly.

 

Negan let out a chuckle at that, seemingly happy to hear Gregory was still shaking in fear at the very mention of Negan and his Saviors. “That pussy was pissing his pants since day fucking one,” Negan said, leaning back into the chair and putting an arm across the back, “Simon said you did well today. Didn’t give him any fucking trouble, even said he wouldn’t mind taking you out again if I wasn’t using you for…” Negan looked you up and down, running a tongue across his lips before finishing, “ ...anything.”

 

You didn’t let his words phase you as you too leaned back in the chair looking him dead in the eyes with a deadpan expression before saying. “Just say the word.”

 

Negan looked at you curiously, and he was opening his mouth to retort when he heard a knock on his door. “Goddamn it, fucking excuse me, girls, while I deal with whoever the fuck that is.”

 

When Negan opened the door there were rushed voices, and he hurriedly stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, which you assumed was for privacy reasons.

 

“Wonder what that’s about?” you say to Riley, confusion furrowing at your brow.

 

“Eh, probably just some jackass who can’t handle his fucking job.” Riley said before jumping up to her feet and walking over to Negan’s desk, plopping down into the high backed chair and propping her feet up on the desk. Shortly after she was searching through his drawers till she let out a victorious ‘Aha!’ and pulled out a bottle of liquor from one of the drawers.

 

You raised an eyebrow at her as she shook the bottle in your direction, “Come on, don’t be a bitch, let's have some of the old man's good liquor while he's gone!” Riley said with a mischievous grin on her face.

 

“Don’t you think he’ll notice some of it missing?” you laughed as you took the bottle from her hand and took a swig.

 

“Nah, not if we put it back right where it was.” Riley said after taking the bottle from your hand and giving it a whiff before scrunching up her face.

 

“Have you ever had a drink?” you say in response to Riley’s face.

 

“O-of course I have!” Riley said, standing up and putting her hands on her hips, trying to make herself seem bigger.

 

“Right.” You scoff. “Come on, let's put it back before you cough it back up.” you grabbed the bottle from her hands before she jerked it back in her direction.

 

Before you could get it back, Riley brought the bottle up to her lips and took a huge gulp, only for her to start coughing wildly, dropping the bottle in the process, half the contents spilling onto the floor. If Negan wouldn’t have noticed before, he sure would now.

 

“Shit!” you say as you ran to pick up the bottle and put it back on the desk. The alcohol was already soaked up by the carpet but had an obvious wet stain and reeked.

 

“Okay. Rock, paper, scissors; loser has to take the blame when we get caught.” Riley’s sudden voice sounded.

“Hey, we’re not getting caught. Plus this was your fault, remember?” you say, trying to think of a way to clean up the mess but coming up with nothing.

“If you’re so confident, then forfeit and you automatically lose.” Riley said, crossing her arms across her chest and giving you a smug look.

You made eye contact with Riley before sticking out your hands in formation, “… Best out of three.”

 

Riley had a sorrowful look on her face when you had won two of the three rounds. You knew she was about to ask to play again and double the odds, but before she could open her mouth, she heard the doorknob move. Negan was calling out some last orders to the person outside of the door before he came in. Riley, panicked, quickly snatched up the bottle and put it back in the desk. You had already nonchalantly made your way to the nearest bookcase to browse the books as an alibi.

 

Once Negan had came in and closed the door, he saw Riley just as she had finished closing the drawer, “Riley-”

 

Riley had immediately broke under Negan’s gaze, “-I didn’t do it, and it wasn’t my fault.”

 

Negan laughed before rubbing a hand down his beard, walking over to Riley. “Guilty fucking conscience?”

 

“Not at all,” Riley said, leaning casually against the desk try to calm her nerves, you could tell she was struggling,  “but you have a look on your face so it seemed prudent to cover my fucking ass.”

 

Negan reached behind Riley to open up the drawer, pulling out the near empty bottle, “Then what the fuck is this and why does your breath smell like alcohol?”

 

“I uh-” Riley started shrinking under Negan’s gaze.

 

“It’s my fault.” you say impulsively, knowing the minute the words left your mouth how stupid they sounded, both Negan and Riley’s heads whipping over to look at you.

 

Riley had a look of confusion on her face as Negan looked from you, to her, then back, “Right, we need to fucking talk.” Negan said,crossing the room to you before grasping you by your bicep and dragging you out of the room.

 

“Negan, don’t-” Riley started, trying to follow the two of you.

 

“Stay. Right. Fucking. There.” Negan said, enunciating every word darkly, causing Riley to freeze on spot and nod her head in understanding.

 

Once Negan had dragged you all the way to your and Riley’s shared room and made sure no one was in the area, he quickly brought you into the room and closed the door behind him.

 

You ran a hand over your sore arm and glared at him, waiting for him to threaten you.

 

“That was Dwighty-boy earlier, said a certain fucking prisoner is refusing to eat.” Negan said as he took a step closer to you.

 

You didn’t know what he was talking about till it finally dawned on you, your face showing the recognition.

 

“Yeah, _that_ fucking prisoner.” Negan’s voice was dark as the words dripped from his mouth as he got closer, like a wild cat closing in on its prey.

 

You knew there was no use in lying so you told the truth. “Simon told me to take food down for him before we left on the run, and the people in the fucking cafeteria and your men were giving him dog food sandwiches! There’s no way in hell I was going to feed that to a fucking human being no matter who they are or what they did.” you say, straightening your back and not taking your eyes off of his even as he moved closer.

 

But at your words, Negan stopped, “You don’t know who the hell that fucker is down there?”

 

“No? Am I supposed to?” you question.

 

It seemed whatever Negan was previously thinking vanished at your words. “Well that changes things.” he started, not before moving forward once more and invading your bubble, “But that doesn’t fucking change the fact that you’ve caused problems, and that fucking prisoner is not eating, and contrary to fucking popular belief I don’t want the fucker dead. At least not yet, anyway.”

 

You took a deep breath before saying, “And what does that have to do with me?”

 

Negan seemed pleased that you asked as he licked his lips and his eye had a twinkle of sick glee to them. “I’m so glad you fucking asked, doll. You see, since you took it upon yourself to treat said prisoner like a fucking guest, he’s your problem now. You get to take him his morning and evening meals to his cell, but he can only have whatever's fuckin’ left, if there is any. If not, he gets nothing, and he can starve in that fucking cell for all I care.”

 

“You’re right.” you say simply, throwing Negan off guard slightly, “I’ll take responsibility for my actions.”

 

Negan smirked at that, “That’s not the only thing you’ve taken responsibility for.”

 

When you gave him a pointed confused look, he said, “Riley. I know it was her that spilled all that fucking shit.”

 

“Well, in all honesty I did take a drink myself.” you say admittedly.

 

“Even so it wasn’t you that made that stupid-ass mistake. If it was any of these other stupid fucking pricks, they would have thrown Riley under the bus, but not you.” Negan said before pausing to raise a gloved hand to grab a strand of your hair and tuck it behind your ear, “And just know, doll, that if you hadn’t done what you did for her, you would of been in the _deepest_ fucking shit.” his breath whispered across your face.

 

At his touch, a cold shiver ran down your spine, but you stood strong, looking right back into his eyes and hoping he took your words to wherever he kept his heart. “And I would gladly do it again, I would do _anything_ for her.”

 

Negan leaned back slightly from that, “You barely fucking know her.” his voice held something that dared you to say something wrong.

 

“No, I don’t, but I’m done losing people who have given me everything I don’t deserve. Riley is important to me now. She's one of the only people left in this shitty world that gives people like us a chance again. And I sure as hell am not going to fucking waste that chance she’s given me.” you say, tears threatening to well up in your eyes but you don’t let them surface.

 

“I knew I chose the right person to look after her.” Negan said, and you swore you could've saw a genuine smile reach his eyes.

 

And that’s when the door burst open.

 

“Scav, why did you-?” When Riley saw Negan standing toe to toe with you and saw the wateriness of your eyes, she froze.

 

“Before you get your fucking panties in a twist, nothing happened, we were just having a friendly fucking conversation. Right, Scav?” Negan turned back to look at you and put a hand on your shoulder, the heat of his hand burning into your skin.

 

You don’t know why you didn’t feel any hidden threat to his words, but he seemed genuine when he looked at you.

 

Riley looked at you for confirmation, and you gave her a simple nod and smile for reassurance around Negan. After that, Negan simply made his way to the door, muttering ‘ladies’, before giving you one last look you couldn't really define before closing the door behind him, leaving you with Riley’s worried gaze.

 

“You really fucking okay, dude? I know Negan can be…” Riley said, moving slowly over to her bed and sitting down.

 

You gave her an honest smile before sitting down on your own bed and letting out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I am, really. I still don’t really know what he’s playing at but I’m starting to get a sense of it.”

 

As you both laid down for the night to go to sleep, you heard Riley’s voice pierce the silent air. “Thanks Scav, for having my back.”

 

Your sleepy face grinned in the darkness of your room, “Always, Riley.”

 

As sleep started to take you, you could hear the smooth sound of Liam’s voice.

 

_“It’s going to be okay Lillian. I’m fine, it’s just a fever.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys...I am so sorry I have been slacking on updates. But here is chapter 5! I was going to post it yesterday but I pretty much almost slept the whole day due to my crazy work schedule. I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I loved writing it, Riley is a very important character to me as she represents one of my dear friends and I couldn't write a Negan story without putting her in it. Anyways, remember to leave a kudos and a comment to show your love! Share it with your friends, family, neighbors, neighbors doggos, you get the picture.. 
> 
> If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)
> 
> And you can also follow me on Twitter @NyveraWrites or on tumblr @Nyvera, thanks dolls!


	6. Pains of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING OF ATTEMPTED RAPE IN CHAPTER*

_“It’s going to be okay Lillian. I’m fine, it’s just a fever.” Liam croaked out around a bone crushing cough._

 

_“Stop saying that! Something is fucking wrong and you need to see a goddamn doctor!” you cried out as you tried to cool down Liam’s raging fever, his skin pale and sickly as you patted his forehead with a damp cloth._

 

_“Lily, where the hell are we going to find a doctor? Look where we are. I’ll be fine.” Liam’s voice was calm and reassuring to your nerves as he spoke, but when he let out another cough, your spine went rigid._

 

_Liam was right.  Where would you find a doctor? The two of you were currently in the middle of nowhere, held up in a small tent with your only protection being a small string of cans around your camp. You had wanted to camp up in the trees like you had done the previous night, but Liam got drastically weaker as the day had gone on since it had been two days since he had gotten that bite on his forearm._

 

_Needless to say, it hadn’t shown any sign of improvement._

 

_With a sigh you nodded your head before exiting the tent, zipping it closed before making your way the the closest tree to climb up in and take watch for the night. Right now, Liam needed more sleep than you, even if you were exhausted. With nothing in sight that you could see, you relaxed your head against the trunk of the tree, listening to the wind blow through the trees and trying to imagine that everything was okay and that the world would go back to normal in no time at all._

 

_You didn’t remember when you had fallen asleep but when you opened your eyes and the early morning sun stung them, your heart skipped a beat. You quickly looked around your camp for any of the dead up in your perch before rushing down and doing a bigger sweep of the area, letting out the breath you had been holding in when you found nothing._

 

_You slowly made you way back to the tent, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Liam. You reached your hand forward and started tearing the teeth of the zipper as painstakingly slow as you were able, jumping when you had moved the flap to see Liam standing up in the tent, his back facing you._

 

_“Liam? Are you feeling better? You can always get a little more sleep, it's just barely dawn and-” you suddenly stopped at the sound of a gurgling noise coming from Liam. Something wasn’t right._

 

_You climbed in the tent, slowly reaching a hand out to grasp Liam’s shoulder, “Liam?” you tried once more, but at the contact the body turned around, and in its place was a grey shell of your brother. The sickly distorted eyes gazed back at you before lurching forward with a hiss, and you threw your hands up, pushing Liam’s body away from you as best as you could as it grabbed onto you with a surprisingly strong grip._

 

_Tears were streaming down your face as you were trying to push this thing off of you, every memory you had of Liam playing in your mind as you wrestled with the body he once occupied. You kept trying to convince yourself that this was all just some elaborate dream, and that you would just wake up. Even as you had pushed the corpse off you and grabbed Liam’s rifle, even as you pointed it at Liam’s head, you wished that you would just wake up._

 

_With the squeeze of the trigger, you had never felt more awake in your life, the soreness of your shoulder from the kick of the rifle bringing your mind back. The only thing you could do was sob at the loss of everything you used to have in your life, and you squeezed that pain like a lifeline as you crumbled over your brothers figure._

 

_You didn’t care how many of the dead would hear you, you were alone now, and in this moment you didn’t think anything could fill the void Liam left, so you screamed. You pounded your fists down on your brother's chest and screamed his name over and over till your voice had gone hoarse and your fists had lost their strength._

 

“LIAM!” your voice screamed out as you woke from your dream, sweat damp on your forehead.

 

You had ran a hand through your hair before realizing you weren’t alone in the room, the well known feeling of eyes on you tipping you off before you slowly looked over to the door to see Riley looking at you with worried eyes and Negan looking at you with genuine curiosity.

 

Riley was first to break the silence. “You okay, Scav?”

 

You let out a breath before moving to gather a clean set of clothes on top of your drawers that you imagined Riley had grabbed for you. “Yeah, I’m fine. What going on? Is something wrong?” you finally said, glancing between Riley and Negan.

 

Negan took no time to beat Riley to the punch. “Everything is just fucking peachy! But I came by to tell you I need your little ass out at the gates in precisely a fuckin’ hour, I have a run we need to do. So go fucking feed your pet, today is going to be a good damn fucking day I can just feel it!” Negan said with a wild grin inclining his back at the last word for added effect, Lucille draped lazily over his shoulder.

 

You gave him a quick nod of your head in understanding, not wanting to waste time. “Alright, I’ll have Dwight check on my truck to see if it needs a fill up,” you say as you grab your clothes and gear, wanting to get a quick shower in before heading out.

 

As you tried to pass him in the doorway, Negan grabbed your arm and twirled you around to face him. “There’s no fucking need princess, you're riding with me today,” he said with a warm grin spreading on his face, his eyes twinkling with mischief you didn’t even want to dare ask about.

 

So with a shrug of your shoulders, you muttered a simple, “Alright.” before Negan had finally released your arm. You could feel his eyes burning into you as you made your way down the hall, only leaving you once you had reached the showers.

 

* * *

 

 

Not wanting to test the cafeterias generosity, you had them make up two bowls of oatmeal with fruit. You were in a hurry and didn’t feel like arguing your case for why a prisoner deserved some of those powdered eggs they had made for breakfast. You weaved your way thru the crowds of people making their way to breakfast and their jobs, trying your best not to spill the contents of the bowls.

 

You let out a sigh once you had made it to the cells, enjoying how empty they were save for the person standing on guard. It wasn’t the same girl as last time but an overweight man. You nodded to him as you went by, sure they were all notified by Negan of your new little job by now.

 

Once you had reached the door, you knocked with your boot before unlocking it and entering. You felt stupid after doing it but you felt like it was still polite, just in case the guy was taking a shit or something. When your eyes had locked with the blue ones, you held out the bowl for him to take. “Heard you were causing trouble.” you grumbled, not really mad at the man but still trying to show him your displeasure.

 

He slowly took the bowl from you and started shoveling spoonfuls into his mouth, deciding not to answer. You surprised him by dragging one of the chairs from the hall into his cell and sitting down to eat with him, which caused him to pause in his own eating for a second before continuing.

 

“Well, you got your wish,” you started between bites, “now on top of everything I already do, I’m in charge of you now as well.”

 

When the man had finished, he slid the bowl over by your booted foot, staring at you behind his shaggy hair before saying. “Why’d you say yes?” his accented voice made you smile.

 

You stared back at him for a minute before getting another spoonful of the oatmeal, thinking as you chewed slowly, “I don’t know, I guess I was practically asking for it when I made a big deal out of the last meal I got for you.” you said with a shrug. The man took your answer with a nod, picking at the threads of his sweatshirt.

 

The poor guy looked disgusting in those clothes but you thought they were better than nothing. Trying to break the silence, you asked what has been on your mind, “So now that I’ll be seeing more of you, what’s your name?”

 

The man simply glanced at you before going back to pick at his clothes. “Why do ya care?”

 

You didn’t really know how to answer, so you merely shrugged your shoulders before saying. “I guess it doesn’t really matter, not like telling you mine either would be any better than me not knowing yours.”

 

With a groan at the popping of your knees as you stood and picked up your bowls, you looked at the man one last time before dragging the chair back outside. “Just so you know though, I will probably be gone for the rest of the day, don’t know when I’ll be back. But I’ll see if I can get someone to bring you something.” you say before starting to your way out.

 

Then, the sudden accented voice caused you to stop. “Daryl.”

 

You give him a smile, “Scav,” you respond, putting a hand to your chest, “I’ll see you soon, Daryl.” you say before closing and locking the door behind you.

 

When you made your way back down the hall, you had half a mind to ask the guard to deliver the meals to Daryl, but with one look at him you thought better of it. Lucky for you though, you had caught sight of Riley as you took your bowls back to the cafeteria, and before she could sit down to her own meal, you caught her shoulder. “Hey Riley, I need to ask you a favor.” you start nervously, teeth biting down on your lip.

 

At that, Riley arched an eyebrow at you. “What is it?”

 

“You know that prisoner? Well I kind of got myself stuck in a bind when I took him his food the other day and now I find myself in charge of the dude. But with going out on runs I won’t be here all the time. I know this is a lot to ask, but while I’m gone, can you be sure to get him his meals? Negan said he can only have the leftovers if there is any but I don’t know who else to ask.” you give her the best pouty look you can muster, and being out of practice you were sure it resembled more of a grimace.

 

Riley narrows her eyes at you before letting a groan escape from her lips. “Fine,” she starts, causing you to let out a small victory ‘yes’ at her answer and throwing a big smile on your face before she puts up a hand to silence you, “but only because you covered for me last night. You're the only one besides Negan to do that for me so I owe you.”

 

You threw your arms around the small girl. “Thank you so much, Riley!” you say genuinely before letting her go when she started thrashing.

 

She made dramatic gasping noises once you let go and clutched a hand to her chest, “Were you trying to suffocate me in there?!” she said pointing to your own chest with laughter.

 

You shook your head at her antics before giving her a small wave and a good-bye, making your way to the front gates with fifteen minutes to spare before you actually had to be there. You saw Dwight weaving around the trucks with a clipboard in his hand, jotting down notes as he circled the three trucks that were waiting.

 

You jogged over to him and nudged him with your shoulder, only earning a glare from the man as he scoffed and ignored you, continuing his notes, “Long time no see, stranger.” You said with a cheery tone, trying to get the man to at least say something, your footsteps following his own.

 

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me ignoring you.” Dwight replied with annoyance lacing his voice.

 

“Wow. You know, it’s been so long I actually started to forget how immature you are.” you say with a smug grin, finally earning a chuckle from the man.

 

Dwight finally turned fully to look at you, seemingly done with his inspection. “So, you’re coming with us.” it wasn’t so much of a question as it was a statement in which you simply nodded your head ‘yes’ in response, shifting your rifle over your shoulder before stuffing your hands in your jacket pockets.

 

“Figured as much. Didn’t expect Negan to leave his new plaything at home.” Dwight smirked, earning him a punch in the shoulder from you.

 

“I ain’t no one's plaything you ass!” you responded with a laugh.

 

At the feeling of an arm draping around your waist and pulling you against something hard, your laugh died in your throat. “It’s cute you actually fucking believe that shit.” Negan’s voice purred in your ear, Dwight's smiled dropping off his face as if it was burned away.

 

You shifted uncomfortably in the man's arms, stopping once you felt something hard pressed into your lower back. “ _That_ … had better be a gun.” you hissed at the man between clenched teeth.

 

Negan’s breathy laugh blew warm air against your skin giving you goosebumps, before he slowly dragged his arm away from your waist, turning you to face him and once again tucking a stray hair away from your face as if it was his job. “Would it really be so bad if it wasn’t?” Negan's eyes twinkled at the very idea of it, but your eyes traveled down to the silver hilt of a handgun sticking out of the front of his pants, before he shifted his leather jacket, concealing it from sight.

 

When you continued glaring at Negan, he looked over your shoulder at Dwight, “Everything ready to fucking go, or were you two just having a _really_ nice fucking chat?” Negan said, the humor leaving his eyes and replaced with something dark and cold with warning.

 

“Yeah, we’re all set to go.” Dwight said simply, and to your surprise, he didn’t seem to be affected by the look Negan gave him.

 

“Well alright, you pussies!” Negan’s mood change and sudden loud voice made you jump as he turned to everyone waiting, “Let’s get fucking loaded up and roll out!”

 

Negan simply turned around and strutted toward his truck, not even bothering to look back, knowing that you would follow. With one last glance at Dwight, you sauntered off in Negan’s direction, all but dragging your feet and giving yourself one last glance over to make sure you had everything before gripping the cold handle of the truck and yanking the door open.

 

* * *

 

You don’t know how long you had been driving but you were starting to go stir crazy being trapped alone in Negan’s truck with the very man himself as your only companion. The first bit of the drive was thankfully silent, but Negan had suddenly decided he wanted to play the guessing game and was trying to guess your real name, and you didn’t know how he could go on this long without getting bored or annoyed at the sound of his own voice.

 

“Rebecca?” Negan guessed again.

 

“No.” came your usual monotone reply. Your forehead was placed against the cold glass and your glazed over gaze merely saw blurs outside of the window.

 

“Come on, doll! I’m not going to fucking call you Scav.” Negan groaned, and when you didn't respond he continued, “At least give me a fucking hint, what letter does it start with?”

 

With a huff, you fogged over the glass on the window, “L.” you said simply, drawing the letter on the window as you said it.

 

“See! Now we’re fucking getting somewhere. Wait-” Negan turned to look at you, eyes growing wide and a cheshire grin growing on his face, and at his pause, you looked at him curiously, “It’s not fucking ‘Lucille’ is it?”

 

At his hopeful expression, you couldn't help but burst into laughter, “Hell no!”

 

“Ah well, there's always next time. I’ll fucking get it eventually, just you wait.” Negan said suggestively before pulling the sun visor down and grabbing a loose CD, popping it into the CD player. When the sounds of eighties rock met your ears, you arched your brow toward the man.

 

At your look Negan’s eyebrows furrowed together. “What?”

 

“You know, you’re not half as bad as I first thought.” you finally say as you start drumming your fingers down with the beat of the music.

“Aww, how fucking sweet, you gettin’ fucking soft on me?” Negan leaned toward you slightly, with a smirk on his lips.

You snorted at the very thought, shaking your head side to side with a small smile. “Shut it, the word _bad_ was still in the sentence.”

 

“True.” Negan said casually, turning his gaze back the the road, his jaw flexing in thought. You couldn't help but actually start to feel comfortable around the man as if a spell had been placed in the cabin of the truck, but just as the thought had crossed your mind, Negan opened his mouth.

 

“Whose Liam?” Negan asked with genuine curiosity.

 

You froze. The minute Liam’s name had left Negan’s lips, the spell had broken, and your face shrunk back to the glazed over look from earlier.

 

When you didn’t answer, Negan looked back over, noticing your mood change, “Ah shit doll, I’m sorry, was he your husband? Boyfriend?”

 

You chewed your lip before muttering. “Brother, actually.”

 

Negan merely nodded his head before adding. “When did you lose him?”

 

You didn’t really want to have this conversation, but you knew it would come sooner or later, and Negan honestly in that moment looked like he actually cared so it was better to get it out now in privacy rather than later in anger or with an audience.

 

“In the beginning, we were out hunting, and we had no fucking clue that the world had even gone to shit. When you’re out there, everything just feels so still, you know? But one of the dead was out roaming and I made the stupid idea of asking the thing if it needed help.” you huffed at your naivety back then.

 

Negan flexed his jaw at that, nodding in understanding. “He get bit?”

 

You stared at your hands in your lap. “Yeah, the fucking thing came after me and Liam pulled him off, got bit in the process. At the time we had no clue what it meant so when we got the hell out of dodge. We...we were camped out when…” your voice trailed out, and tears were forming in your eyes so you held your head back. You didn’t want to cry in front of this man. You needed to show him you weren't weak.

 

“Did you have to put him down?” Negan pressed, and when you nodded your head, he dropped the subject, reaching over to grab your hand before saying. “Hey, I know it might not mean shit, but I can recognize a survivor when I see one. Hell, I can recognize a fighter when I see one, and you, doll? You’re a fucking survivor. You’re someone who always gets up again, even if there are shitty fucking setbacks. You got that survivors fucking instinct. I'm not sure where the fuck it comes from, but I’m betting that your brother taught you most of it, and I’m sure you’re making him fucking proud as hell right now. So don’t feel fucking guilty. Don’t let that shit weigh you down or it will get you killed. You hear me?”

 

You couldn't believe the words you were hearing pouring from Negan’s mouth. Even when he let your hand go and focused back to the road once more, you stared at him, holding your hand that he had clutched against your chest. You didn’t have much more time to think about it as a town had slowly appeared in the distance.

 

“Keep your eyes peeled doll, we’re here.” Negan said before radioing in to the other trucks, letting them know that we were going to stop soon.

 

When you finally had found a place to stop the truck, Negan turned to look at you once it was in park. “Now doll, I need you to stay with me understand? Think of yourself as my personal fucking bodyguard if you will. So, if someone gets nosey, just … you know … shoot ‘em.” Negan said with a shrug and a grin

 

“Shoot ‘em?” you said with a deadpan expression.

 

“Politely.” Negan said with his usual chipper voice before jumping out of the truck, after clearing your head you soon followed.

 

“Alright, we’re splitting into groups of four. Dwight, I need you to take your group and clear out these nearby buildings just in case we need a place to stay for the night. Arat, you take your group to the east side of the town. I’ll cover the north side.” Negan barked orders, and you stood right beside him just as you were told, but when you saw the two other people that were going to be with you your stomach dropped. _Trevor._ He was one of the guys from Joe’s group that had gotten you stuck in this position with the Saviors, and he was sneering at you when Negan was turned the other way.

 

You felt so sick to your stomach that you were practically on Negan’s ass when your group had started to move out, and if Negan noticed, he didn’t say anything while you all made your way to the area that your group was going to clear.

 

You started to feel more at ease when you got back into scavenger mode, making sure to keep Negan in sight as he said, and gripped your machete tightly. You guys had managed to clear three buildings without problem, and you somehow didn’t even think about Trevor as you were cutting through the dead that stood in your way.

 

But on the fourth building, that's when things went fuck up.

 

None of you had heard the tell tale signs of a cave in till it was too late, and the rotting of the floor above you had gave out. In a last second act of pure adrenaline, you had managed to push Negan out of the way. Negan and the other woman in your group, whose name you thought was Nancy, had made it to the other side, leaving you and Trevor on the other.

 

Once you had gained your bearings, you called out to the other side hoping they were all right.

 

“Hey! You guys okay?” you shouted.

 

“We’re good, doll! Do you see a way around this shit?” Negan shouted back, calming your wired nerves.

 

“No, I think we will have to try another way, you guys keep going and we will meet up with you.” you shouted back before picking up your things, giving Trevor a sideways look before going back down the hall to a room you swore you had seen a fire escape in.

 

To your satisfaction you were right, but the window was rusted shut over time with no use so the only way was to break it. Wrapping a cloth over the butt of your rifle, you were about to smash in the window, but before you could you felt something wack against the back of your head before you passed out.

 

* * *

 

The first thing you noticed when you came to was the aching in your head, and then it was the harsh rub of rope restraining your hands behind your back and your feet together. As you opened your eyes, you didn’t recognise where you were for a moment, not before remembering it as one of the rooms you had cleared earlier in the day. You looked out the window against the better judgement of your vision, able to see that it was now dusk, the oranging light streaming into the window.

 

“Oh you’re awake, good.” Trevor’s grizzled voice sounded in the quiet room, making your head spin.

 

“It’s alright to be scared,” He watched your pained movements, “fear keeps you alive. It’s a built-in warning system.” Trevor purred as he prowled closer.

 

“Of course, only so long as you have the right fear response. Some prey freeze because it means a predator won’t see them, and in their heart they know running means they’re dead. Others have to run, when capture means death…” Trevor moved closer still, gaze fixed on you. “But you don’t have that option, do you?” he ran his fingers across your cheek and into your hair before jerking your face up to his.

 

You stayed silent, glaring back at the man in front of you as you tried to get free of your restraints. “Try all you want, you’ll never get free from one of my knots.” Trevor hissed in your ear before throwing you back to the floor.

 

“You’re gonna wish we had killed you that day you know that? After what you did to my people? You’re gonna get what’s coming to you, and no one's gonna hear you scream.” He stalked back to you, brandishing his pocket knife.

 

You started to squirm even more against the ropes, trying desperately to free yourself. You weren’t going to beg but you sure as shit weren’t going to stop fighting either, so you did what you could; you screamed. But it was useless as he started cutting away your shirt. you didn’t stop though, if he was going to do this you were going to be as much trouble as you could so maybe he would think you were too much effort.

 

When he reached down for your pants, you managed to get your legs up to kick him away, sending Trevor to the floor his knife skidding across the room. “You fucking bitch!” Trevor yelled out, grabbing his knife again and walking towards you. You could feel your heart thumping wildly in your chest.

 

But before Trevor could reach you, the door splintered open, revealing Negan along with Dwight and a few others. Negan’s eyes grew so dark at the sight in front of him that you thought that he might just turn feral in an instant. “Trevor, was it?” Negan said once he turned his gaze towards the man, Negan motioning for Dwight to help you in the process.

 

Trevor was backing up as Negan advanced on him. “It-It’s n-not what it l-l-looks like. I swear.” Trevor said in pathetic defense.

 

“Oh really? So you weren’t just about to rape this fucking woman in revenge of your other fucking rapist friends? Was I not crystal fucking clear when I said I don’t tolerate that rape **shit**?” Negan all but screamed at the cowering man.

 

“Please, please don’t hurt me.” Trevor whimpered, tears running down his ugly face as he got down on his knees to beg.

 

Dwight had freed you of your bonds and helped you zip up your jacket over your ruined shirt, putting a hand on your shoulder and looking into your eyes asking silently if you were okay, but you looked right past him at the scene in front of you. The only thing you saw was red as your eyes clouded over with rage and fear.

 

Negan’s attitude changed in an instant, a charming smile gracing his lips as his stance relaxed into a playful one. “Hurt you? Nah. Dont worry, I ain’t gonna hurt you.”

 

Trevor's face lit up with hope instantly. “Really?”

 

Negan gave him an even bigger smile. “Yeah, I’m not gonna hurt you. But I am gonna fucking kill you.”

 

“Wha-?” Trevor didn’t even process what the hell was happening before Lucille came down on his head, blood pouring down his disoriented face.

 

Trevor was gurgling after the third hit, still barely alive when you ran towards Negan and grabbed his arm. He whipped his head around at the contact but stopped his movement mid-swing, giving you a questioning look.

 

You slid your fingers slowly down his arm, hands covering his over Lucille and silently asking for permission. When it finally dawned on him, he slowly guided Lucille into your hands, stepping back and watching you intently when you swung Lucille into the fuckers head. But you didn’t stop, not after Trevor had long since died and his head turned into paste, his blood and brain matter staining your jacket.

 

You had only stopped once exhaustion had set in and your adrenaline had died down, you all but dropped Lucille but Negan grabbed her from your hands before you did. He turned your face to look at him but you weren’t there. All that stared back at him were dead eyes, a few tears trickling down your face.

 

Negan didn’t tear his eyes away from you when he spoke to the others. “Alright everyone, let's all fucking get back to camp for the night and continue this shit tomorrow. Shows over folks.”

 

What had happened was slowly starting to sink in as you stood there looking at Negan while everyone but him and Dwight filed out. “I’m sorry.” you muttered.

 

Negan looked as if he had been slapped in the face at your words. “What the fuck did you just say?” Negan all but growled as he gripped your shoulders, “You didn’t do anything fucking wrong so don’t you ever fucking apologise for that shit again, you hear me? I only wish I had found the two of you sooner.”

 

Before you could even open your mouth to respond, Negan was talking again, “And the fact that he had to fucking tie you up the way he did proves he was fucking scared of you and knew he couldn’t take you on because you would of killed his ass in seconds.”

 

When you let out a small laugh at that he smiled back at you.

 

“I don't know if this is too soon doll, but when I saw you beat the living shit out of that prick,” Negan lifted your chin to look into his eyes, “I was _so_ turned on.”

 

At that, you huffed out another laugh and pushed his arm away teasingly before wiping your eyes, pausing for a second to look at your ruined jacket and scrunching your nose up in disgust. “Here.” before you could protest, Negan was holding his jacket out for you, and when you had taken it, he walked towards Dwight and pulled him into the hall.

 

You had quickly shed your jacket and torn up shirt, throwing them on Trevor's body before pulling on Negan's large jacket and zipping it up. The warmth of it seeped into your cold skin and calmed your scared shaking.

 

When you walked out into the hall, Dwight handed you your rifle and machete, and when you had strapped them on you gave him a small nod of thanks before turning to Negan to see him eyeing you with an approving look.

 

Not a word was said as the three of you walked towards the camp, the only sound echoing through the town being the noise of Negan’s whistle. There was a time when the sound of it might of unnerved you, but now it just meant that you were safe. As you made your way in, everyone was already settling in and making some food for the night. Dwight steered you over to where he had set up yours, Negan's, and his beds.

 

Once you had sat down and leaned up against the wall on your sleeping bag, you let out a relieved sigh and closed your eyes, only opening them once you felt fabric hit your face. When you opened them you were greeted with a plaid button up shirt that Dwight had thrown you from his bag. Nancy came in after that and handed you a jacket that she had found earlier in the day when you were scavenging.

 

You couldn't help the smile that came to your face as you shrugged off Negan’s jacket and put on Dwight's shirt and the new jacket. These people were becoming something you thought you had lost and would never get back—a family.

 

When Negan had finally came in and you handed him his jacket back, you could of sworn you saw a look of slight disappointment cross his face. “Damn, I hopped you would of worn it a bit longer, it looked really fucking good on you doll.” Negan purred into your ear as he leaned in.

 

You laughed, giving the man a slight nudge with your fist to his shoulder. “Negan, I can’t think straight with you this close.”

 

Negan clucked his tongue at that, smiling down at you. “Sweetness, the last thing anyone is asking you to do is fucking think _straight.”_ Negan looked you up and down once more before moving to lay down for the night. You followed suit not long after, Negan only about a foot away and Dwight to your left.

 

Tomorrow was going to be a _good_ damn day. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you to everyone that left a comment, they mean the world to me and give me inspiration to keep writing even when life gets in the way. So keep it up! (:
> 
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	7. Cold Nights

You used to hate the nights where you felt so hollow inside, you felt so damn empty and out of place. You fucking _hated_ the nights where your mind would wander to the unknown, and all you would return with was sadness. Hell, you hated counting the tears that rushed down your cheeks and collected upon your pillow, and it felt like the only thing you had at night to comfort you was your loneliness while the only thing you felt surrounding you was darkness. You hated it all, but you didn’t have to anymore.

 

The swift kick of Dwight's boot to your own foot in an act to get you up and moving was enough to push those thoughts out of your mind, because for the first time in what felt like forever, you weren't alone anymore.

 

“Hey, don’t think just because of what happened yesterday you get to slack off, Negan and Nancy are already waiting on you so get that ass up and moving.” Dwight huffed at you.

 

You slowly started to sit up, groaning and rubbing your eyes awake in the process before flipping Dwight the Bird in response with a small smile on your face.

 

As you made your way outside, the pale early morning sun greeted your eyes, along with the sharp, icy air of the ever present winter you thought would never end. The collective breaths of the saviors froze in the air like smoke from a cigarette as you walked across the street to where Negan and Nancy seemed to be waiting for you.

 

When Negan’s eyes finally found you, a small smile crawled its way across his lips, “Finally doll! Sleep well? I hope you fucking did cause we got a long day ahead of us.” Negan’s own breath billowed wistfully from his mouth as if he was some large imposing dragon.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I’m ready whenever you are.” you replied simply before stuffing your hands into the pockets of your jacket, and shifting in spot in a desperate attempt to keep your blood flowing to your cold legs.

 

The day seemed to be passing by in a flash as the sun crested over noon, little to nothing had happened as you scavenged through the day, but at some point Nancy had started up a conversation with you that had lasted for hours now. You learned Nancy was in her fifties but that didn’t change the fact that she could kick a lot of the saviors asses or even scold them to death, as you’d imagine.

 

“It’s sad seeing all these once great buildings abandoned.” Nancy said with sorrowful eyes. You could only imagine what she was seeing as she looked upon the buildings.

 

“I don’t think you can really call them ‘abandoned buildings’ when ivy grows up the walls and termites colonize under the floorboards and rodents burrow in their crevices. It’s like their own little civilization.” you reply with a smile causing the older woman to chuckle at your joke.

 

Your eyes were still trained on Negan’s back as the three of you continued walking down the abandoned streets, and you imagined that whatever Nancy had seen in your face while you stared at Negan’s back had prompted her next line of questioning.

 

“Have you ever been in love, Scav?” the words were like cold water against your skin, causing you to whip your gaze to the shorter woman before you arched your brow and returned your gaze back to the man in front of you, his head now inclined as he listened in.

 

You let out a long sigh before working the words over your tongue in contemplation. “To me, love is like chewing gum,” you start. You had a few relationships in the past, but none of them ever really left a lasting impression on you,  “it’s nice at first with the sudden burst of flavor, but after a while the taste goes and you just find yourself going through the motions and spitting it out.” you finish with a shrug, no point in not being honest with yourself or the company you kept presently.

 

You didn’t get to see Negan’s reaction to your words, but you did hear Nancy’s chuckled laugh, “You’re too young to have such a solid belief that that’s all love has to offer.”

 

You appreciated the woman’s words but you always despised the way most women her age thought that all that had to be accomplished in a woman's life was finding a man and birthing his children.

 

“Maybe so, but I have other things to worry about besides my love life.” you say simply, hoping Nancy would take the hint and change the topic of conversation.

 

But the groans echoing ahead of you silenced everyone as Negan put his hand up motioning for the two of you to stop. Not more than two heartbeats later did you all see what was coming; a herd, not huge but it was enough that the three of you couldn’t take them by yourselves.

 

To make matters even worse, as you all had turned around ready to run, the glass of the building directly to your right, which was one of the last buildings your group had to clear out, had shattered from the pressure of the dead that was inside.

 

You could only imagine the noise from the herd had drawn them from their inactive states. You were trailing behind Negan in seconds, both of you running for the only opening the two of you could reach. You looked back for Nancy and noticed her on the other side of the new group of dead ones that had shown up, but she was signalling for you to just go and get out.

 

You and Negan continued to the alleyway that was open to you, praying that it wouldn't be a dead end, but true to the ever knowing cliche, it fucking was. You decided that instead of freaking out and losing your fucking mind from fear, you started desperately yanking on all the doors you could reach before one had opened. Negan was hot on your heels, pushing you in and slamming the door shut as the two of you secured it with the lock, only finding that you were in a glorified storage closet..

 

Negan let out a breathy laugh at the shitty luck that seemed to follow your group in this shithole town. “Seems like we're stuck between a rock and a hard place, huh, doll?” Negan’s breath smoothed over your face at the close proximity.

 

You could barely see his face but at his implied words you gave him an annoyed glare, which you knew he could feel when you felt his chest rumble with another laugh, “I was hoping that’d get me at least a chuckle, if not some fucking sympathy points.”

 

Deciding not to play this little game, you desperately looked for anything that could help the two of you out of this situation as the dead pounded on the steel door. Negan glanced at you curiously before saying, “Look, doll… As long as we stay quiet they will eventually move on. Stop moving around so fucking much.”

 

At that, you whipped your head around to look at Negan’s soft outline, “I don’t know if you noticed Negan, but that alleyway was a dead end! The dead have nowhere to go but back the way they came, and you and I both know that the only way to get them out of this alleyway is if they get distracted by something else. We don’t know how long that's gonna be so-” a scream had interrupted your rant.

 

Your eyes went wide knowing who the scream belonged to, looking around once more hurriedly by Nancy’s scream you looked up noticing a vent grate, which was the only reason there was any light in the storage shed.

 

You wasted no time slinging your rifle off your shoulder and pressing it into Negan’s body, “Shit, we’re all gonna fucking die if we don’t do something. Hold my rifle.”

 

“Whoa, wait. What the hell do you fucking think you’re doing?” Negan’s voice growled as he grasped your arm, refusing to grab your rifle.

 

“Going after Nancy!” you say desperately as you wrench your arm out of his grasp and point towards the grate, “I’m gonna need you to give me a boost so I can get this grate off and try to make it towards Nancy and _hopefully_ draw them away from you.”

 

“You think you’re going to do that _unarmed?_ And how the fuck do I know you won't just fucking leave me here, doll? _”_ you heard the warning in Negan’s voice. He didn’t like the idea one bit.

 

“Negan, I _will_ come back for you, and most importantly for my rifle so think of it as an insurance policy. You know what it means to me. Plus, I’ll have my machete.” you say desperately as you push your rifle once more against his chest.

 

When you feel a gloved hand finally grasp the rifle, you let out a sigh of relief as he slings it across his own shoulder, not looking entirely out of place as you thought it might. Shaking your head of the thought, you motion for him to cup his hands to give you a boost so you could reach the grate. Once he does, you try to make fast work of pushing it up and over before you bring one knee to Negan's shoulder to prepare yourself for him to push you the rest of the way up.

 

“As much as I am enjoying the view, doll, I wish this were under different circumstances, and that you weren’t wearing any fucking pants.” at Negan’s jest you shake your head.

 

“Just push me up the rest of the way, will you?” you say, voice laced with annoyance.

 

When he does, you're quick to pull yourself up the rest of the way, your eyes growing once you see how packed the alleyway is. You look back down at Negan and there are no words needed as he sees the worried look on your face.

 

With one last look, Negan mutters, “Don’t do anything stupid, doll.” before you quickly pull yourself up to the roof of the building the shed was backed up to. From where you stood, you could see the building you assumed Nancy had made it to, as the dead were pounding on the small little shop.

 

You knew there was a back door but when you all had tried it, it was locked. So your only hope to get Nancy out was to try to get around the building without being seen and try to find out what exactly was inhibiting the door from opening. Without wasting time, you stealthily made your way across the roof to try and find a safe route down, happy to find a fire escape ladder on the other side.

 

Once your feet had hit solid ground again, you made your way across the street, trying to stay out of ear and eyeshot of the dead. When you successfully made your way to the back of the small shop, you cursed under your breath when you saw the padlock secured on the latch of the door. The only way you could see to get the thing off the door was to smash it off with a nearby cinder block but the noise would surely attract the dead. Plus, if Nancy was in fact dead inside this would've all been for nothing and you might surely fuck yourself over.

 

Looking over once more you caught sight of a handle poking out of the bottom of the dumpster in the back of the building, you nearly let out a shriek of happiness when it was indeed a small hammer. You quickly got to work as quietly as possible and started lighting tapping the side of the lock while apply force down on it, when nothing happened you tired the other side and was satisfied when in seconds you heard the click and the mechanism freed itself.

 

You made quick work of taking off the lock and opened the door silently before peering into the little shop. You held the hammer tightly in your grip before whispering Nancy’s name, and at her sudden appearance behind the door you had to stop yourself from screaming, giving her a pointed look as her eyes screamed she was sorry. You quickly moved around her and looked around the shop for anything you thought you could use to distract the dead from the alleyway Negan was trapped in.

 

“What are you doing? We need to get out of here!” Nancy said hurriedly, eyeing the corpses pounding at the glass.

 

“I’m not leaving till we get Negan, he’s still stuck back there in that alleyway and I promised I’d go back! Plus, he has my rifle.” you say in response as your hands find a package of novelty airhorns and duct tape.

 

“Who cares about him? He’s an asshole anyways, let’s just go.” Nancy whispered in desperation for you to just agree and go with her.

 

“If you want to fucking leave, be my guest, but you owe me! I could of left you here but I didn’t, now you can either help or go find Dwight and the other Saviors.” you hiss at her. There was no way you were going to abandon your brother's rifle or leave the man that had saved your life twice now, no matter if he was a dick or not.

 

You weren’t surprised as she muttered her sorrys and left to go find the other Saviors, and you wouldn’t hold it against her in a moment like this, but on the next run you would keep this moment in mind if you ever had to work with her again.

 

You calmed your breathing after you went to the front of the store, looking at all the decrepit faces snapping at the glass before swiftly taking the first air horn and wrapping duct tape across the button, the loud sound made you instantly want to drop everything and cover your ears but you had to get all of them done before that. So with a speed you hadn't used in gods knows how long you wrapped the other cans and put them along the front of the store before running to the back.

 

Once you were outside and closed the back door, your head was pounding from the sound, but when you took a glance around the corner of the building to look down the street you knew your plan had worked. The dead from the alleyway had slowly started making their way to the shop, but before it got too congested you made your way back exactly the way you came. It only took a few minutes for the alley to clear before you had made your way down to the shed Negan was in.

 

You knocked twice before the door flew open and Negan looked at you with relieved eyes, “‘Bout fucking time, doll.” Negan grinned at you, only glancing behind you once and arching a brow to ask about Nancy.

 

You shook your head once before muttering, “She went to go get the other Saviors.”

 

Negan’s jaw clenched as he nodded his head in understanding. Without another word, you grabbed Negan’s wrist and pulled him down the alleyway, stopping to look down the now congested street. If the two of you were going to get back to the group, you would have to go left to the side of town you had yet to clear before circling all the way around to get back to where the little safe house was. The idea sounded shitty but it was the only one you had.

 

You turned around toward Negan, his wrist still firmly planted in your hand, giving him a brief rundown of the only plan the two of you had. “Fuck. Fuckity-fuck, fuckin’, fuck!” Negan whispered, running his other gloved hand down his face before nodding to you in agreement. You started to slowly let go of his wrist—you two knew the drill, stay close and keep moving.

 

And keep moving you did as you had both made your way across the rest of the section you were supposed to clear out, finally skirting the outside of the town. If you had to guess, you were sure you were halfway there but unfortunately the sky was already dark and the stars were coming out, and with this it got colder and colder.

 

Your teeth were practically chattering at the temperature, and you all but jumped at Negan’s sudden voice, “Are you cold? Do you want to borrow my jacket again?” he said with a suggestive wink.

 

“I’m not cold.” you say stubbornly, wrapping your arms tighter across youself.

 

“So you’re just shivering for no fucking reason then?” Negan said, giving you a disbelieving look.

 

When you didn’t answer and cast your gaze from him you felt his warm hand on your shoulder stop you, “Come on, stop being fucking stubborn, let’s just stop for the night and check out those little shitty apartments.” Negan pointed with Lucille.

 

You gave a shaky nod and didn't hide your pick up of pace as you all but ran over to the small apartment building, waiting till Negan caught up to go ahead and start clearing the building. For the first time you got to this shitty town, you felt lucky since the whole place was empty of the dead. The two of you had decided that the best place to hold up was one of the top floor second story apartments facing the street. All of the apartments were one bedroom so you chose the middle one and started to barricade the front door after locking it.

 

As shitty as the apartments were, you were happy that whoever had lived in this unit had bought a portable fireplace, and after digging through the kitchen drawer, you had found the batteries for it. Negan was already lounging on one side of the bed when you came back in and turned it on, covering the windows with the curtains in the process. The small fake flames licked your palms as you sat on the floor and leaned against the bed trying to get warm.

 

Negan’s tired grumbled voice broke through the silence as you stared into the false flame, “After your ass unfreezes, there's plenty of fucking room for two up here.”

 

You knew Negan was just trying to get a reaction from you by the smile you could hear in his voice, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction, “Yeah there is so scoot over and stay on your fucking side.” you say as you drag the heater closer to your side of the bed before slipping under the covers next to Negan and sighing at the soft feeling of the mattress underneath you.

 

With the look Negan was giving you, you knew he was surprised you actually agreed, “We’re both fucking adults Negan, if you think I’m gonna pass up sleeping on a bed to sleep on that nasty ass couch or the fucking floor for modesty's sake, think again.” your laugh echoed around the room, as the false flames cast shadows across the room and your face.

 

Negan’s smile in return caused your laugh to softly die in your throat, something about the way he looked at you caused your heart to flutter. Your eyes caught the shine from both your rifle and Lucille propped up in the corner of the room before you shifted your eyes back to him. Something about that simple gesture caused a pink flush to spread across your face. You hadn’t even thought about asking for the rifle back once you both had escaped the alleyway. It seemed to blend in so naturally on his back that you hadn’t even thought about it till now.

 

But just as Negan leaned in and opened his mouth to say something, you quickly turned on your side facing away from him before calling out, “Goodnight, Negan.”

 

For a few seconds it was silent before you heard his voice softly say, “Night, doll.”

 

* * *

 

 

When you next opened your eyes, there was light streaming in through the window behind you. Nothing horrendous had seemed to happened in the night; none of the dead were clawing at the door, none of the living looking to steal your shit had a gun pointed at your head, just the sound of soft silence.

 

You moved to stretch and pop your joints but found that you couldn't. A moment of panic washed over you as your brain struggled to work out what the hell could of happened. Had someone found the two of you after all? Were you tied up _again_? You almost had a full blown panic attack remembering what happened with Trevor.

 

But as your brain started to calm down, you realized you weren't tied up at all, but rather that someone's arms where encasing you. You were confused to say the least, who the fuck could be— _holy shit._

 

You craned your neck so you could look at the person clinging you; sure enough, you saw a familiar head of black hair. Sluggishly, you remembered waking up a little in the middle of the night when the bed shifted. You only had enough brainpower to register that it wasn’t an intruder and just Negan getting back into the bed before you slipped back into sleep. You did however notice he had been laying there pretty stiffly, as if he was trying his best to stay on his side of the bed and not wake you. Apparently his little plan had aborted mission sometime after he had fell back asleep, because he now had a firm grip around your waist, pulling you up against his chest.

 

The thing is... this was actually pretty fucking nice, if you were being honest with yourself. You weren't fucking freezing for once as you woke up and he was _way_ fucking warmer than that damn portable fireplace; he was even doing a better job than the icy rough covers of warming you up. But just as soon as you thought this, you felt the rising heat creeping across your face, warming all the way up to the tips of your ears.

 

It was probably just after dawn, and you knew you should wake Negan so the two of you could get on your way back to the saviors, but, you actually for once didn't want to be on the move. Last night, you had thought sharing a bed with Negan would have been no problem, but you were so _very wrong_ . Negan was a solid guy, and it showed in the way he had hoisted you up yesterday and with the way he held you tightly against him. Even if you _wanted_ to leave, there was no fucking way you could get out of this human cage without waking him up. But you didn't feel caged necessarily, you actually felt safe as strange as it sounded to you.

 

You could feel his exhale of breath tickling the back of your neck, which caused you to shiver. What the hell were you going to do? When Negan woke up, he probably would find someway to tease you about the situation or _you_ might do something completely stupid. You hadn’t been intimate with anyone for years that his close proximity was having an effect on you. But, against your better judgement, you let out a deep sigh and relaxed into his arms. Five or ten more minutes wouldn't hurt, surely...

 

You started to drift back into the hazy pull of sleep, but behind you you could hear Negan breathing deeply. He must have been exhausted with what happened yesterday too, despite the tough front he put up last night and him offering you his jacket in the bitter cold.

 

Negan had murmured something in his sleep you couldn’t quite catch as he shifted positions, unfortunately for you, taking your body with him. This whole thing was kind of a strange experience; not only did this confirm that the evil dictator Negan was indeed a human who needed to sleep just like all us common peasants, but that he also had a softness to him.

 

You started to feel the tell-tale signs that your legs were beginning to fall asleep as you laid there contemplating this whole situation. But perhaps if you just shifted slightly maybe you could—but what the fuck was poking you? Had Negan forgotten to take that stupid fucking pistol out of the front of his jeans before getting into bed? You shifted against whatever it was again, trying to confirm your suspicions. Negan let out a grunt at this, and it almost sounded—oh. _Oh no_. It finally dawned on you what exactly it was that was digging into the small of your back.

 

Well, if there was anything that confirmed that Negan was a human with human needs, then this was it. Also the fucking fact the bastard had _five_ wives waiting for him at home. You knew from what your brother said that sometimes guys had this problem when waking up, but for fucks sake, this was not how you imagined your morning going. If you tried to escape from his hold on you now, he would definitely wake up, and then you'd have to deal with him knowing you knew exactly what was going on with him down there pressed up against you.

 

You did your best to relax again. The only solution you could conclusively come to was to pretend to still be sleeping until Negan woke up and ended this rather awkward situation himself, or honestly try to go back to sleep.

 

But as the time ticked by, you began to wonder just how long was Negan was planning to sleep for. You knew now that there was no way you could fall asleep again, not with your heart beating as if it was going to pound out of your chest and attack the man. You had to admit to yourself that you had in fact found Negan attractive—what woman wouldn’t, considering five said yes to his crazy harem idea. So yeah, maybe every now and then after his teasing you had entertained the thought of what it would actually be like if you accepted one of his offers and let him kiss you, or even how his voice would sound as he pinned you up against a wall. You knew if Riley found out about this new revelation she would flip, but they were just fleeting thoughts; you would never let them happen in a thousand years, would you?

 

You continually questioned yourself with him still pressed up against you, there was no way you could push away all those thoughts as they came barging into your mind. But you kept trying to convince yourself it was wrong, so _fucking_ wrong. So you just laid there, trying to keep your breathing calm till you felt a feather light pressure on your hair along with what felt like a hand stroking through it till it reached the tips and twirled them between its fingers. What the actual fuck? Was Negan moving around in his goddamn sleep? No way...

 

Swiftly, you tried your theory by making small yawning noises that indicated you were ‘waking up’ finally. You felt Negan stiffen ever so slightly behind you, his actions stilled. Did this mean you were fucking right? You hoped not as you stirred a little more, but as the bed shifted behind you, you knew you were right. Without warning, the warm arms that had been keeping you in the dark lustful part of your mind were finally off, and you shifted a few inches over as he did so.

 

“Doll?” Negan’s voice sounded, as if he was checking to see if you were awake the entire time.

 

You let out a fake yawn in response before saying, “Hmm? Negan? Somethin’ the matter?” as your turned around in the bed to face him, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and silently thankful that you could now move your arms.

 

Negan simply stared back at you, his eyes showed that he seemed to be fighting internally about something. Was he relieved or disappointed that you were ‘asleep’?

 

“No doll, everything’s fine. Just thought I’d wake sleeping beauty up.” he said with a smirk.

 

But as you waited for him to get up he continued staring at you, so to humor him, you replied with a deeply sarcastic voice, “Sleeping beauty?” you say with a laugh as you run your hands through your tangled hair, “If I’m sleeping beauty, where's my castle? Wait, does that mean you’re the dragon keeping my prince charming from me? Maybe that’s why my love life sucks.”

 

Negan laughed loudly at that, “Who's to say I’m not Prince Charming? Maybe I should've given you a kiss and found out.” Negan’s voice was laced with a hot lust you secretly knew he was not faking, and as tempting as the offer was, you laughed it off and threw the covers off your legs before stretching and straightening out your clothes. Looking out the window, you saw no sight of the dead or even the Saviors.

 

You could hear rustling behind you and hoped that Negan would take the opportunity to straighten himself up, and when you heard the sound of his pistol scraping across the night stand and being stuffed back into his denim, you relaxed, shifting to look at him over your shoulder and raising an eyebrow as you made eye-contact. He was still staring at you.

 

"Are you ready to move out, doll?" he asked, tossing you your rifle which you just barely managed to catch, before he slung Lucille across his shoulder.

 

You nodded, slinging your rifle comfortably over your shoulder; "Yeah, I need the last two days ejected from my mind.” you say with a small laugh.

 

You and Negan got halfway to the door before he stopped short. "Oh, and one thing," he said.

 

"Hm? What's up?" you asked, stopping shortly behind him.

 

To say you weren’t completely thrown off guard when Negan gripped your wrist tightly and backed you up against the wall, would be a damn lie. You had a hard time forming a completely coherent thought. Before this Negan didn’t seem to have a problem with you besides what had happened not just moments ago, so what the fuck was his problem now? You mind re-entered into the dark corner of your  mind that now seemed to be reserved for the man in front of you for a few seconds before you forced yourself back to reality.

 

Negan had your wrists pinned above your head, staring down at you intensely. "N-Negan?" you managed weakly, taking a ragged breath. You started to feel that familiar heat from earlier start pooling into your stomach.

 

"I trust..." he said slowly taking one hand away from your wrists to tilt up your chin, "that you aren't going to tell anyone about last night." Was that what this was all about? Was he worried that because he let you sleep near him people would question him? Why was that so important, was it because if people found out he would rather the story be that the only reason he let you close was so he could fuck you?

 

"I won't tell anyone, if that’s what you want." you said through gritted teeth, turning your head away from the intense gaze he was burning into your skin. Your heart was racing and you were worried he could feel it through your wrists; your body was betraying you, you were liking this way more than you should.

 

Slowly, he let you go of you and took a small step back. You turned back to look at him, the dark part of you secretly missing the close proximity. His voice whispering against your ear had been pleasant. He looked back at you, before finally opening the door and gesturing you to step out.

 

You rubbed your wrists, and readjusted your rifle, trying desperately to calm your frantic heartbeat.

 

Negan closed the door and quickly caught up to you, taking the lead. You kept pace behind him as the two of you had wove your way through the back alleys of this cursed town. Normally, you wouldn't have gone anywhere near dark alleyways, especially in a place you hadn’t scouted before, but Negan gave off this intimidating air that almost _begged_ for someone or something to mess with him or yourself.

 

In what seemed like no time at all, you made it back to the main camp, where Dwight seemed to be waiting for both of you, not even questioning what happened as Negan ordered everyone to pack up and roll out.

 

It was at least a few hours back to the Sanctuary, even with the roads empty and dead of other vehicles. But unfortunately for you, this meant you were going to be stuck in Negan’s truck once more with the man himself and the memory of everything that happened this morning. Your stomach churned at the very thought; yeah you'd been part of the Saviors for about a week now, and you'd been alone with him a couple of other times. Why did all this crazy shit cause you to feel like feel like months had passed by? Was it the fact you were now hyper aware of how he wanted you?

 

You shifted calmly in your seat and tried to make the butterflies in your stomach stop as the truck took off down the road headed for home. But, no matter what you did, you couldn't squash the feeling that was crawling along your body, the one that burned like hard liquor going down. If you didn't get away from Negan soon, you were probably going to do something you _knew_ that you would regret.

 

You tried to distract yourself with a book that you found in the glove compartment, needless to say, it didn't work. However, as you found yourself reading the same sentences over and over again, you were thankful, that Negan seemed to be oblivious to the fact you were trying your best not to burst.

 

After the grueling drive and Negan’s incorrect guess of ‘Lucy’ as your name, the truck finally came to a stop inside the gates of the Sanctuary. You were sure that Negan was confused when you darted out of the truck and over to Dwight helping unload all the things the group had scavenged with an alarming speed. Even Dwight had asked if you were okay but shut up once you assured him you were fine, you just needed to distract yourself from your internal problem and to stay away from Negan for a couple of days if you were lucky.

 

Oh how you were so _wrong_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! I got another chapter posted, I feel so proud of myself.. Unlike my Star Wars fic I haven't updated in 4 months that I tried to write for yesterday but utterly failed at. But anyways I really hope you all love this chapter, I'm nervous to how you guys will take it.. Don't forget to leave a kudos! Comments are always REALLY appreciated too because it seriously gives us writers more inspiration. 
> 
> If you enjoy my content, please consider supporting me on: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)


	8. Family Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* Mentions of Rape in this chapter.

“No, Riley, it’s ‘protect and serve’ not ‘get rekt and swerve’.” you groan into your hands, the girl in question sitting behind the wheel of your truck, Negan’s own truck following closely behind. He apparently thought it was a good idea to leave the job of teaching Riley to drive up to you.

 

It had been about two weeks since the _incident_ with Negan, and no matter where you turned in that giant goddamn place he always seemed to pop up. But, that wasn’t the frustrating thing; what was driving you crazy, was the fact the he was ignoring _you_. Yes, you had told yourself that you were going to avoid him after you got back, but you didn't want to draw attention to the fact that things were suddenly different. When you had tried to get on a few runs with Simon’s crew he had made some piss poor excuses as to why you couldn’t go like he ‘had a full crew’ or ‘Negan needs you here’.

 

You didn’t know if Riley had noticed something was off but you suspected she caught on when she had apparently convinced Negan that she needed to learn how to drive. He finally conceded, but for whatever reason had pulled you into this mess after conveniently forgetting your existence. He eve took the job of taking care of Daryl away from you and gave it to Dwight, claiming that he thought Dwight could condition Daryl into joining the Saviors. You weren’t going to complain because it meant that it was one last thing you needed to do but you felt bad for what was going to happen to the man.

 

Spring had even started to show in the weather as the afternoons were almost bearable without a jacket, letting you keep the windows rolled down in your truck as you and Riley barreled down some back road. The sky was a pleasant orange and you could only hope that since the sun was setting you would be turning around and heading back home soon.

 

“Nah, mine sounds better don’tcha think?” Riley beamed at you whilst cranking the CD you currently had in the player up to an ungodly level, not noticing she was listing off the road.

 

You smack Riley's had away from the radio before turning it back down, “Pay attention to the road Riley!” you scold. The girl thought that just because the world had gone to shit that she could drive like she was in Grand Theft Auto.

 

Riley had opened her mouth to say some smart ass thing, you could only imagine, before the both of you whipped your head around to see Negan speed ahead of you guys before radioing in to your walkie talkie that was sitting in your cup holder.

 

“We’re being fucking followed, stay close and keep up.” was all he offered before accelerating.

 

“Switch seats with me, Riley. Sit up and keep your foot on the gas till I get behind you, then move.” you say swiftly, happy that Riley didn’t even argue with you, knowing she was taught well.

 

After you two had successfully switched seats, you cut off the lights on your truck and kept on Negan's tail. Riley had quickly grabbed the walkie talkie and looked out the back window, “What do you mean we’re being followed? I don’t see anyone. Are you sure your eyesight isn’t going, gramps?”

 

“Don’t you fucking start, kiddo. Just listen to me and do as I goddamn say, do you understand?” Negan’s voice cracked through the walkie talkie, sounding very much like a frustrated father that you would've laughed if it wasn’t a serious situation.

 

Riley went quiet for a moment, letting out a breath of understanding before continuing, “Yeah, okay. Shit.”

 

“What do you see?” Negan said simply.

 

“I don't see jackshi-” Riley started before you interrupted her, your eyes catching something in the tree lines as you looked in your mirrors.

 

“Riley, look! Over there!” you say quickly, pointing to the blurred figures, Riley’s eyes growing wide as she noticed the movement.

 

“Shit, Negan. There are some people on dirtbikes I think in the tree lines.” Riley says before a string of curses start coming from the walkie talkie.

 

“Fuck. Doll, you better fucking keep me in your sights, understand? If anything fucking happens to Riley, I will hold you personally fucking responsible for this shit.” Negan all but growls in warning to you, the static making it sound even more menacing to your ears.

 

“It’s getting dark so maybe we can fucking lose these pussies. There’s a safe house up the road a few miles that I know of and hopefully it's still fucking clear.”

 

You grab the walkie talkie from Riley. “Just lead the way. I won’t lose you so don’t be afraid to speed up the pace, and if we can out run them and hide the trucks by the time it gets dark then maybe we have a chance. They can only go so fast on those bikes.”

 

Without a second wasted, Negan guns it down the road with you and Riley hot on his heels. Riley kept her eyes glued to the tree lines as you slowly start to lose them, but you don’t slow down, keeping the pace up till Negan all but drifts as he sharply turns left down a dirt road. Only then do you both slow down so you don't kick up dirt, and you realize night is finally settling in and you can barely see the silhouette of Negan’s truck.

 

Once the outline of a farmhouse comes into view, you follow Negan around to the back of it before shutting your truck off. Quickly stepping out, you bring your rifle to the ready and make your way to Riley, glad to see she had already drawn her handgun. Negan’s form only comes up a second later to stand in front of you.

 

“Alright doll, I didn’t see any walkers on the way in but that doesn’t mean they aren’t out here. And that sure as shit doesn’t mean that our friends from earlier haven't found this place. We need to clear it first before getting fucking cozy. Riley, stick with-” Negan was ordering before Riley cut in,

 

“Negan, I can take care of myself! We could clear the place faster if we split up. It’s not like we haven’t done it a million times before when it was just us.” you could feel Riley’s confidence and couldn't help but agree.

 

“She’s right Negan.” is all you offer in support of Riley’s words, not wanting to waste time.

 

“Shit, fine.” Negan relents behind clenched teeth.

 

Negan goes in first, opening the door quietly before slipping in, you right behind him and Riley following behind. Negan motions you to clear upstairs and Riley to clear the right side of the house while he takes the left. Wasting no time you take the steps two at a time on your tiptoes, stealthily making your way through the rooms before relaxing slightly.

 

You found nothing of note in the two rooms and even did a second sweep just to make sure you didn’t miss anything before you decided to meet up and help the others. You had just reached the stairs landing before you heard a scream, _Riley._ You didn’t even think twice as you flung yourself over the stairs banister and onto the first floor, landing with a thud and hearing Negan curse behind you when you landed in front of him before you started running to where you heard Riley scream.

 

When you finally found her, she was standing over a man’s body, the blade of her knife bloody in the hand opposite from her handgun. “Riley, are you okay? What’s going on?” you breath out after seeing she was fine, Negan practically pushing past you as he made his way over to her, putting his hands on her shoulders before looking her up and down for any injuries.

 

Riley gently pried away Negan's hands with a shaky laugh, “I promise, he was like that when I got here.” only once you moved more into the room did you see the that there was also an undead that Riley must have put down, the man she was standing over was a mystery.

 

Glancing at the man and back to Riley you ask, “...Is he...dead?” you finally say pointing to the other body she was standing over.

 

Riley takes one look down at the man and back to you before saying, “Well, either that, or he should _really_ get that gaping hole in his chest looked at.”

 

Negan ruffles her hair at the comment, “Okay kid, no one likes a fucking smart ass. This guy must have stumbled across this place before he got ganked by that walker.” Negan mutters, nudging the body with Lucille to make sure he was in fact dead, and with the lull of the man's head you see the knife wound to his temple that ceases your doubt.

 

Negan lets out a deep breath before running a hand down his beard. “I’ll take care of the bodies and check the perimeter while the two of you fortify this place.”

 

Swiftly, you and Riley get to barricading the front door. Luckily, all the window’s had already been boarded up and you managed to find that the place was still stocked with food, so you guessed that this was probably a hideout the Saviours used regularly. You made sure, once Negan had got back, to lock the back door and barricade it so that if you had to make a quick getaway, it would be easy for you guys to get out but hard for someone to get in.

 

Once you got back from that, you noticed Riley laying blankets and pillows on the floor from the upstairs rooms, and you cocked an eyebrow up at her, “Not staying in the rooms?”

 

“I thought it would be better if we all stayed in one room, just in case something happens, and that way someone can take watch and not be far from the others.” Riley explains.

 

You had to admit that it was a pretty good idea, but the living room was small and the beds looked more like a small nest, “Tight fit but I guess we’ve all had worse.” you shrugged.

 

“What? Afraid to get cozy, doll?” Negan said jokingly as he looked out the small space between the boards on the windows.

 

After all this time of him ignoring you, he wants to tease you now? You weren’t gonna play that game. “Not like I haven’t done it before.” you say, knowing very well he would know the night you were talking about.

 

At that, Negan shoots you a warning glance over his shoulder causing you to let out a small chuckle. Riley looked up to you for clarification but you just shook your head with another laugh, brushing off her curiosity.

 

“Why don’t you guys get some sleep? I'll take first watch. If we're fucking lucky, those people will have gone back to wherever the fuck they came from and we can get out of here at first light.” Negan says, not even bothering to glance at you or Riley.

 

You let out a long yawn at that, stretching before laying your rifle up against the wall right next to Negan. You relish in the way his eyes widen at the gesture. “If you see anything, let me know,” you lean in close over Negan's shoulder to whisper in his ear, “I’m a light sleeper.”

 

You don’t miss the way his fists clench, and you find yourself hoping that he was rolling that memory around in his head and questioning if you actually knew. You turn away from Negan and softly pad your way towards where Riley was getting comfortable, getting situated yourself before you hear Riley’s soft voice.

 

“I’m too wired to sleep,” Riley starts, twisting around to face you, chewing on her bottom lip in contemplation before she decided to continue with her train of thought, “you said that rifle was your brother’s. Liam, right?”

 

You cringe slightly at her words, even seeing Negan shift at the topic. “Yeah. Yeah, it was.” you offer quietly.

 

“What happened to him?” Riley asks innocently before adding, “You say his name a lot in your sleep, and it never sounds nice…”

 

“He…” you struggled to find the words, trying to choke them down, “I was stupid Riley, but my brother…” you trail off, seeing his smile in your mind as you close your eyes, “He was amazing, taught me everything I know. But I made a stupid mistake and he got bit because of it.” you say simply, hoping she didn’t ask for the exact details. You had already spilled it all to Negan and didn’t want to repeat it a second time.

 

“You guys must have been really close.” Riley mumbled. Her curiosity was so innocent that you could only imagine she must have been an only child.

 

You turned towards her, smiling sadly, “My brother's death brought me to my knees. He was my hero, my role model, my very best friend. I spoke to him every single day of my life. I really tried hard when I was thrown into this world to make him proud of me.”

 

“He is proud of you, doll…” the low rumble of Negan’s voice cut through the silence, causing you and Riley to turn your gaze to him, “Now get some fucking sleep, will you?” Negan finishes turning back to the window.

 

It doesn't take long after that for you or Riley to fall asleep. You even thought you might get a decent nights sleep for once, but that dream was soon crushed when you felt a warm hand at your shoulder, causing you to jump and panic before you realized it was just Negan.

 

“Doll, calm down.” Negan whispered before moving his hand to smooth down your hair in an attempt to calm you, making your face slightly flush at the memory of the last time he did this, “It’s just me, time for your watch.” Negan finishes after your breathing calms.

 

“Right, sorry.” you mutter awkwardly, happy that he couldn’t see your pink cheeks.

 

You made your way to the window that Negan had been looking out of and notice he had dragged over a chair,. You let out a small yawn before sitting down, noticing your rifle placed gently beside it. Unsurprisingly, the temperature had gone down during the night so you rubbed at your arms, trying to get some semblance of warmth flowing through you at the loss of the comfortable blankets.

 

At your movements, Negan stopped for a moment, and you couldn’t see his facial expressions in the dark but you could tell he was contemplating something. Finally, he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He bent down and picked up a blanket before walking back over to you and draping it around your shivering shoulders.

 

“The last thing I need is that sexy little ass of yours getting hypothermia or some shit.” Negan offered simply to your questioning look before he made his way back to the bed you were once occupying, sighing once he laid down.

 

When you were finally ‘alone’ to your thoughts with the surrounding silence, you couldn't help the way your mind kept drifting back to that night in the apartment. Your subconscious currently thought it would be fucking hilarious to remind you of how it had felt to be in Negan's arms, the warm solid grip he had kept on you, or even how fucking easy it was for him to back you into a wall, pin you there with just one hand and Lucille threatening you with the other. If you didn't address any of this soon it was going to drive you crazy.

 

So, quietly, you muttered, “Negan, why have you been avoiding me?”

 

You heard Negan shift. “What the fuck are you talking about?” you could tell that he was trying to make his voice sound genuinely confused but you heard something else.

 

He sounded _nervous._

 

“You've been avoiding me,” you repeated. “Ever since we got back from the last scavenge. It seems like every time I come into the same goddamn room you happen to be in, you leave as fast as you can.”

 

Negan was impassive for a moment, his breathing becoming stressed. “...I don't know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

 

“Don’t bullshit me, Negan.” you almost raise your voice before remembering where you were, “I just want to know what the fuck I did.”

 

“You didn’t do shit, doll…” Negan says, almost nervously, running a hand through his hair.

 

You wrap the blanket around your shoulders tighter, “Then what’s the damn problem? Was it the bed thing? I’m sorry if-”

 

Negan’s voice cut you off, “No...I just...fucking forget about it, will ya?”

 

_Someone was getting hostile,_ you thought.

 

“What do you mean ‘forget about it’? Forget that we almost died? Or that I saved Nancy’s life _and_ yours? Or that for once that night I got a decent nights sleep and discovered that at times you could be an actual fucking human being?”

 

“I said drop it.” Negan’s voice gained a steely tone, you could feel his glare from across the room.

 

You turned back to the window, not wanting to look at him anymore. “Not if you don't tell me what the fucks going on.” your voice whispers.

 

Suddenly, you were being lifted forcefully out of the chair and pinned against the wall, _once again_ . When the fuck had he gotten over here without you noticing or hearing him? Negan had both his hands on your shoulders, pinning you against the hard surface. The heat of his eyes burned down on you, unfeeling. But you could _feel_ the warmth of his hands through the blanket still desperately clinging to your shoulders, and you were close enough that you could see his chest rise and fall with each breath he took. The familiar heat from those weeks ago bubbled up in your stomach once more. He must have fucking been doing this shit on purpose to get a rise out of you; there was no way he couldn't know how this affected you. He's Negan for fucks sake, he lives for these moments. But why was he messing with _you_ like this? Was this all some kind of sick fucking joke to him?

 

Negan lowered his head so that his face was right by your ear. “I said. Drop. It.” he growled. There was something in his voice, some sort of strained tone you couldn't put a name on. But _oh_ , it sounded so fucking nice, you couldn't help the shaky whine you let out, masking it’s sound for one of pain.

 

His grip tightened ever-so-slightly, and you let out another ‘pained’ whine at the sensation, squeezing your eyes shut at the ‘discomfort’. You couldn't deny that you wanted more of this, whatever _this_ was.

 

When you opened your eyes again, you finally noticed how close he was. Your noses were almost brushing, and at this distance you could see something in his eyes, that same something that was burning in his eyes at the apartment. And it drove you _crazy._

 

“You know, I could tear you apart if I wanted.” you said, struggling against the grip he had on you, earning a smirk from the man at your now rage filled face. Why wouldn't he tell you the truth? You knew what had happened, you figured a guy like Negan would relish in that memory and bring it up every minute just to get under your skin, but he was trying to _hide_ it from you.

 

“I know,” Negan murmured as he leaned further in, his lips barely brushing against your ear as he purred, “and that’s what makes you _so fucking_ intriguing, doll.”

 

At your shiver to his words, he dropped his hold on you, running his tongue across his lips—giving you that cheeky grin that the smug bastard always wore when he knew he had gotten to you—before making his way slowly back to his bed, placing his arms behind the back of his head in victory.

 

“Asshole.” you muttered.

 

* * *

 

As much as you didn’t want to, you had to wake Riley up for her shift. If you didn’t, you knew she would give you hell for it, thinking that maybe you thought she couldn’t handle it herself. But the plain fact was—you didn’t want to be sleeping next to Negan again, at least, anytime soon.

 

“Riley.” you mutter, shaking the girl gently.

 

“Hmm? Scav? What’s up?” her voice slurs at the words, laced with sleep.

 

You smiled at the girl, her bed head was always a humorous sight to see. “It’s time for your watch.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Riley says between a yawn, stretching before getting up and making her way to the designated watch spot, wrapping herself up in the blanket you left on the chair.

 

When you didn’t make to crawl back into bed and sleep, she cocked an eyebrow at you.

 

“I’m not all that tired I guess.” you offer weakly.

 

“Right, and I’m the great fucking kung-fu master Bruce Lee. What’s wrong?” Riley jokes softly.

 

She doesn’t miss the glance you give to Negan, and before you can say anything, she mistakes your nervousness for distrust. “He’s not going to kill you in your sleep if that’s what you think.”

 

“Riley, that’s not....it-it’s complicated.” you wanted to tell Riley everything but at the same time if you did and Negan found out that you told her and that you knew, he would kill you.

 

“No Scav, it’s really not. I know it’s hard to see, but he’s a good guy. If you’re worried about him doing anything to you in your sleep, he’s not like that. He’d cut off his own hand before touching a woman who didn’t want it in return.” Riley says defensively.

 

“I know, Riley. He killed Trevor because the sick fuck tried to rape me.” you start, noting the way her eyes widened, and before she could ask why you didn’t tell her, you continued, “Why exactly does he have such a strong opinion on the matter? Not that I’m ungrateful, but he seems to hate it more than most.”

 

Riley immediately froze up at your words, eyes glazing over to look at an unforeseen thing in the distance. After awhile, you thought she wasn’t going to answer, but when the words finally came, you wished you hadn’t of asked.

 

“When it all started, hell I must have been fifteen at the time, Negan had saved me from my undead fucking parents trying to eat me and we found this group early on. Just a regular seeming group of guys heading for some place safe just like everyone else, and for awhile I felt safe. I had Negan, and I began to trust these guys, we both did. But after awhile, they started to show their true colors.” Riley pauses then, her chest heaving as she gulps heavily, “When Negan was gone scavenging, two of them held me down while the others took their turns with me.” her composure started to slip as she spoke, tears running down her face, “It was already too late when Negan had come back. I didn’t have the strength left to scream.”

 

Riley turned to look at you with tear stained cheeks, “He killed those fuckers without a second thought. I owe him everything Scav, and now he’s even given me someone I think I could call a best friend. Please, don’t hate him like everyone else, he needs someone like you.”

 

You felt sick to your stomach, as if the world was spinning and you couldn't see past the film of red in your vision, your nails biting into the skin of your palms. You were so naive to think that this girl you had come to love hadn’t see any hardship. You didn’t even fucking notice that it was the reason she had such a strong personality; it was her way of coping with this shit world. She tries so hard to make everyone else laugh that she forgets to deal with the most important thing in her life: herself.

 

“Riley, I know nothing I could say would help and that ‘I’m sorry’ would be too pathetic of a response. But, I _do_ trust Negan, you have to believe me when I say that. I’ll try to explain it all later.” you say softly, knowing that the last thing she probably wants is to be touched right now.

 

“But just so you know, I would've done the same thing Negan did. Hell, I even delivered the killing blows to Trevor’s head with Lucille myself.” you add.

 

Riley looks up at that, eye growing serious, “Wait, he let you do _what_?”

 

You gave Riley a confused look before answering, “Kill Trevor with Lucille?”

 

“Holy shit.” is all Riley says, before you both whip your heads to see Negan tossing in his sleep a little at the commotion.

 

“Uh, just try to get some sleep okay Scav?” Riley says, but her mind seems to be elsewhere.

 

You don’t try to push considering all that Riley had just dropped in front of you, so the only thing you can do is let sleep finally have its way with you again. Trying desperately to block out the sound of Negan’s breathing as you will yourself back to sleep. You would be lying to yourself if you said that you hadn’t hoped to dream of warm arms wrapping themselves around you, and for a moment, you almost think they do.

 

* * *

 

Luckily, on the way back to the Sanctuary, nothing happened. But this whole trip had been one fucking awkward family outting.

 

Riley seemed to feel better. Though, after letting what happened to her be known to someone other than herself and Negan, you felt honored that she even told you. But, it seemed Riley was going to be milking all the benefits of it as she had given you her best puppy dog face and asked for your keys promising to take driving more seriously his time.

 

In the truck, nothing felt like it had changed as you barrelled down the empty road. The sun was shining and the wind felt good on your skin, and oddly enough Riley was being her chatty self.

 

“I really, really don’t think that breaking into one of the abandoned zoos and hoping that one of the animal bites will give you superpowers is a good idea.” you say, throwing your head back in laughter at her horrible idea. She was so fixed on the idea that she could potentially get superpowers and it was _so_ adorable.

 

“Don’t be so lame!” Riley laughs with you, shaking her head, “This is exactly why you’re the sidekick, and I’m the hero.”

 

“Oh really? You’re the hero? So I can assume you have some crazy awesome skill I don’t know about?” you say with a sly smirk on your face, it only growing when Riley blushes with frustration.

 

“Hey! I just-I haven't found my fucking calling yet, okay?!” Riley’s flustered as she responds, grabbing the closest thing to her and chucking it at you.

 

You simply bat it away and laugh even harder at the girl. You had always wanted a little sister, and it wasn’t hard to imagine Riley being just that.

 

When you had finally made it back to the Sanctuary, the laughs didn’t stop, even as Dwight rushed to met everyone at the gate and ask Negan what the hell had happened. When Negan blew him off and made a joke about needing a family trip, you and Riley gave each other a look and started laughing even more hysterically, knowing very well it was anything but.

 

“How the hell are you two friends?” Dwight growled, growing annoyed with your laughter.

 

“We’re not. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” Riley replied to Dwight with a wink.

 

“Intimately close,” you continued, throwing an arm around Riley’s shoulders, “Seduce your enemies.”

 

“Marry your enemies and poison the wedding cake,” said Riley. “Boom.”

 

You retracted your arm from Riley at that, gasping dramatically. “I am _not_ marrying you if you’re going to bring the wedding cake into it, that’s just unnecessary.”

 

“I agree,” Riley said solemnly. “I went too far, I apologise.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, please forget I asked.” Dwight muttered before leaving to attend to Negan’s waiting truck.

 

Negan cocked his eyebrow up at you two before finally letting a smile come to his lips. He was opening his mouth to say something but then a truck drove in, and not more than a few seconds later, it stopped and some people went to unload it.

 

“Alright boys, lets get this haul loaded and inside,” Negan starts, turning to send a smirk your way, “I want to get back in there and unload a little myself.”

 

Riley all but gags at that from your side, causing you to shake your head at the man's revulsion.

 

“Negan,” comes a voice from the overweight man you had seen earlier when you had gone to visit Daryl the last time, “I want to talk to you about redirect.”

 

Negan’s eyes went dark. “What about the redirect?”

 

The fat man gulped.

 

“Oh shit, Fat Joey is gonna get it now.” Riley says under her breath, nudging you to follow her as you both know that when shit hits the fan that Negan gets a temper, and you were thinking it would be best to grab your things from your truck and get out of there.

 

“It got screwed up, we’re on it now but it’s a mess out there.” the guy ‘Fat Joey’ responds.

 

“And whose job was that?” Negan continues, talking to Fat Joe but you get distracted elsewhere by one of the men unloading the truck, complaining that he thought they would have packed the truck up tighter.

 

You turn to tell Riley you were going to help them unload the truck, but the sound of a semi-automatic rifle goes off in your ears, causing you to pull Riley down for cover at the sound.

 

You were about to ready your rifle and prepare for the worst till you heard a familiar voice. “Stay back, and drop your weapons!”

 

You slowly stood to look over your truck at the boy that had just killed a couple of the Sanctuaries men. “I only want Negan, he killed my friends.” you would recognize that brown sheriff’s hat anywhere, “No one else needs to die.”

 

_Carl._

 

_Fuck._ The little shit just had to pull something like this, didn't he? You had only met him once when you had first met Rick, but you could tell the boy had a problem with everyone and didn't take too kindly to following orders.

 

Watching him, you saw Carl freeze when he heard Negan’s eerie whistle. “Damn,” but to your surprise Carl had his rifle trained on Negan, following him. You took your rifle from off your shoulder and aimed it at Carl. You didn’t want to kill him, but if he tried anything you needed to put him down so he wouldn’t fight back. Nothing too serious. Maybe a shoulder graze, or a quick one in the leg.

 

“You are adorable,” Negan continued before grabbing the nearest man to Carl and using him as a human shield.

 

_Shithead._

 

“Did you pick that gun cause it looks cool?” Negan mocked, smiling widely at Carl.

 

You only caught Negan’s fraction of a glance when he looked over to make sure Riley was alright, noticing you set up by your truck ready for the worst.

 

“You totally did, right?” Negan smile once more, eyes void of emotion, “Kid I ain’t gonna lie, you scare the shit out of me.”

 

You were about to let off a round before you saw Dwight lunge forward as Carl raised his rifle, firing a few rounds before getting tackled to the floor, Dwight pointing Carl’s rifle back at him.

 

“Kid-” Dwight warned  before Negan interrupted him, “Dwight, back off.”

 

In your scope, you saw Daryl pressed up against the fence, a look of worry on his face upon seeing Carl. _Oh shit,_ did they know each other?

 

“Is that any way to treat our new guest?” Negan continued, holding his hand out for Carl to grasp and pull himself up.

 

“Come on kid, I’ll show you around.” Negan said with a wolfish grin.

 

You lowered your rifle, motioning to Riley that it was safe before ushering her to go inside.

 

“But Scav-” Riley started to protest.

 

“Riley, please just go to our room and I’ll try to figure out what’s going on. I’ll fill you in later. I promise.” at your words, Riley reluctantly agreed and hurried across the yard as you walked over to stand by Dwight and Negan.

 

When Carl finally saw you standing next to Negan himself, he all but spits at your feet, and you can tell that all he saw when he looked at you is a traitor.

 

“What?" the corner of Carl’s lips tug upward to form a small, smug smirk, your eyebrows narrowing at him in warning. "Not happy to see me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, as some of you know, life has been kind of hectic for me at the moment. I know it's been forever since I updated and I've been sitting on this chapter for awhile because I didn't entirely love it but I think it was about time I posted. I'm sorry if it's not 100%. For those of you that don't know, I work an overnight job that's 12hrs a night and I feel like a zombie half of the time. But recently my significant other got laid off their job so I've been taking more hours so that we can pay rent and also cover their bills as well as my own so it's been really rough the last month. I promise that I will try everything in my power to get another chapter out after this one but I don't know when that will be, I will not abandon this story. But anyways thank you guys for reading and all the support and love I have received so far from all of you.
> 
> If you want more updates on when I will be writing or getting other chapters out you can follow me on Twitter @NyveraWrites 
> 
> And if you want to support my work and fuel my mind consider [Buying Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ) at my Ko-Fi! Every donation goes to supporting me make more content for you guys and helping out my current situation of working insane hours at work. Anything helps, you guys mean the world to me and I thank you for every comment and kudos that I have received. AND if you donate to me I will personally thank you and follow you on whatever social media you want, I will even write you YOUR OWN personal short fanfic!


	9. Burned

_Goddamnit kid._

 

Carl glared at you as you mulled over his words in your mind. Of course it would've been nice to see Carl, but only under different circumstances. Even then you doubted he would even listen to anything you said, kids sure knew how to hold a grudge, that was for sure.

 

“You know,” Negan interrupted, his gaze fluttering between the two of you, “you do the same stink-eye as your dad, except it’s only half as good ‘cause well, you know, you’re missing an _eye_.”

 

The horrible sense of humor Negan had fell just as flat as always, but this time yours and Carl’s glares shifted over to the man at his words, his now outstretched hand reaching out to give Carl a hand up.

 

Carl simply looked at Negan, completely ignoring the hand offered to him. Negan seemed amused by this as he let out a warm chuckle. “ _Really_? You’re really not gonna take my hand? ‘Cause you’re lucky you still have a hand. Same as your boy Daryl over here, now that I think about it.”

 

_Daryl_ , _shit_. No wonder he seemed familiar to you in some way when you first met. He must’ve been part of Rick’s group, and when Daryl met Carl’s eye, you knew you were right in the assumption. Negan’s voice drew your mind back when he looked over his own shoulder to see Daryl pressed up against the fence, watching the scene.

 

“How’s the job going Daryl? Hot enough for you?” Negan taunted, looking back to Carl with a warning look in his eyes.

 

“Yeah, it’d be tough with one arm.” Negan’s dark gaze was practically begging Carl to act up again.

 

Either out of fear or Daryl’s safety, Carl swallowed his pride and took Negan’s hand, a satisfied laugh rumbled from Negan’s mouth. “Ah, smart kid. Now come with me.”

 

Negan didn't even look at you as he turned to Dwight. Even though Carl himself was pissed at you, he took to standing closer to you than to Negan.

 

“Dwighty-boy, why don’t you grab Daryl, take him to the kitchen, and do a little grub prep.”

 

As Dwight moved to obey Negan’s orders, you reached down and grabbed Carl’s brown sheriffs hat that had fallen of his head when he was tackled by Dwight, passing it over to him before Negan continued, “New plan boys. Let’s burn the dead, unload the truck later.”

 

Negan looked back to Carl with a humorous grin on his face. “ _Damn,_ I am not gonna have time to screw any of my wives today.”

 

Your grimace matched Carl’s own at the man’s words, the boy looking away from Negan and to the ground as if that would help, and because of this, Carl missed Negan’s eyes lift to meet yours, “I mean, maybe I can squeeze in someone else today _._ ”

 

_Jesus fuck, Negan._

 

How is it that this man thought that after he threatened Carl and just mentioned fucking his _multiple_ wives that now was the appropriate time to flirt? All you could do was glare at the man in warning before he moved on, a grumble of laughter leaving his throat at your reaction.

 

Negan looked towards Carl, motioning for him to follow as he started to walk. “Come on.”

 

You were about to follow Negan when you realized Carl wasn’t following, and at his apprehension, you cocked your eyebrows. Carl merely glanced at you, his nervousness obvious in his face before he spoke towards Negan. “What are you gonna do to me?”

 

Negan froze, bringing up a hand to run down his face before he turned around with a disappointed look on his face. “Number one, do not shatter my image of you. You’re a badass. You’re not scared of shit. _Don’t_ be scared of me.” Negan looked like a father scolding his son, and the sight _would_ have been kind’ve heart warming in its own way, but Negan had to go and ruin the moment as usual.

 

With a total flip of personality, Negan was back to his joking self. “Number two, you _really_ want me to ruin the surprise? Screw you, kid.” Negan paused, leaning in slightly, “Seriously. _Screw. You._ ”

 

Negan then reached over to put a hand on Carl’s shoulder and move him forward, Negan looking over to you with mischief in his eyes, biting his teeth down on his lower lip as you all moved forward into the Sanctuary.

 

Once you were inside, you could see Carl’s gaze scanning the area, and Negan leaned down towards Carl and whispered, “Check this out.”

 

You knew Negan was going to do one of his ‘great’ little monologues like a king addressing his surfs—and of course—you were not wrong in your assumption. “The Saviors have gone out into the world, fought the dead and have come back with some really good stuff. Some of that stuff can be yours if you work hard and play by the rules.” Negan paused, letting the information sink in for everyone, “Today, everybody gets fresh vegetables at dinner. _No_ points needed.”

 

The crowd started to cheer, and you had even given him a curious look at his generosity. Yes, Negan had his moments and could be a fair man when he wasn’t totally trying to fuck with your mind, but right there, you actually were kind of proud of him for his generosity. That is, till he lend over with a smirk on his face towards Carl, “You see _that_? Respect.”

 

As Negan turned to walk off, Carl lingered, looking over at the workers and few saviors scattered around, his hand wrapped tightly around the railing. You stood next to him, leaning your forearms on the railing so you were fairly the same height, “I’ll make sure you get out of here, Carl.”

 

Carl’s head whipped over to give you a curious look, and you let out a deep sigh before continuing, “I know nothing I do will fix anything I’ve done, You feel betrayed, and I get that, but that's not the point. I owe it to you and your Dad to get you out of here in one piece, and contrary to popular belief, I don’t want to see any of you die now that I’m with the Saviors.”

 

Carl looked away and nodded his head, still not wanting to really talk to you but accepting your words. You let a small smile come to your lips before putting a light hand on the boys shoulder. “Just keep your head down and do whatever Negan says, alright?” with that you nudged Carl forward to follow after Negan before he noticed your lack of presence.

 

As the three of you walked, your stomach started to grow sick when you realized where Negan was leading him. You kept your mouth shut and followed obediently, but then he stopped in the middle of the hallway and told Carl to wait for a minute before gently dragging you farther down the hall by your elbow.

 

You gave him a questioning look before he answered. “Go check on Riley and stay with her till I call for you. Understood?” Negan’s voice was cold and emotionless, his eyes dead and void of emotion.

 

He wasn’t even looking at you. It was if he was looking at a spot on your face and desperately trying to avoid your gaze without giving anything away. But you knew him better than that, he seemed—ashamed? Was that the right word for it? You wanted to question him in that moment and cross your arms over your chest and demand answers, but it seemed as if he was expecting it too because when you simply nodded your head and muttered, “Alright.” his gaze snapped to yours, obviously surprised you didn't fuss with him.

 

You gave him a small, reassuring smile. Not only did you want to trust the man, but you wanted to stay true to your promise to Riley. As you walked back down the hall, you put a comforting hand on Carl’s shoulder and gave him a smile, hoping he would remember your advice after you left.

 

The walk back down to your and Riley’s room felt like a lifetime as you wracked your mind with what Negan possibly had planned. You knew some of it involved scaring the shit out of Carl, but why did he send you away? Surely by now he knew that you were loyal, didn’t he?

 

As you opened the door, Riley was there in an instant. You closed the door behind you and let out a deep breath.

 

“So, what happened?” her voice was quiet.

 

“Nothing.” you reply with a deep groan, going over to your side of the room and dropping yourself down onto the bed whilst draping an arm over your eyes. “At least not yet. He took Carl up to where the wives were. Negan kicked me out to ‘check’ on you but I don’t think that was his real reason.”

 

Riley shifted on foot before sitting down slowly onto her own bed, biting at her nails nervously. “Oh.” was all she offered.

 

“Yeah,” was all you offered back, knowing just how awkward this all was for both of you, “He did say that he would be calling for me later. I don’t know what he has planned, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. But I won’t lie, I’m more than a little worried.”

 

Riley merely nodded her head in understanding, knowing your worries but probably also knowing better than to just give you empty words in return. That was something you always loved about Riley. She just understood you without having to work hard at analyzing.

 

After awhile, you gave up on waiting and borrowed one of Riley’s comics in the meantime before Riley had left for guard duty. When you heard a knock on the door, you didn’t think you had sprung up fast enough in your entire life, and when you saw Dwight, your eyebrow furrowed.

 

“Dwight? What’s up?” you question, noticing the mans pissed off look.

 

“Just come with me, gotta get the iron ready.” he merely said in response before walking off. You blinked before your brain caught up with what he just said, chasing after him and closing the door behind you. You jogged down the hallway to where he was currently walking with clenched fists and tense shoulders, giving him a once over before opening your mouth.  “By ‘iron’ you mean?”

 

Dwight simply looked at you before continuing forward, and then it suddenly clicked like a switch in your brain.

 

_Oh_.

 

“It’s not for Carl is it?” you tried to make your voice as passive as possible.

 

Dwight answered with a small, “No.” before you stop trying to press him for answers. He was usually in a sour mood, but he was never mad. Something was eating him up and you could tell just by looking at the guy. It probably had to do with his wife but that was probably the last thing he wanted to talk about.

 

When the two of you had made it down to the furnace, you stoked up a fire and placed the iron into the fire. You insisted to do it yourself just as a small mercy to the man, and he seemed to appreciate it as he pulled out a stool by you and looked anywhere but the fire or the iron, instead pulling out a wood block and started to widdle it down into something you couldn't distinguish yet.

 

Slowly, people started to trickle into the room, and a few Saviors dragged out a man who looked like he had just got done bawling his eyes up before they tied him to a chair in front of you. It wasn’t long until the room was finally full and all the wives were present, along with Daryl and his accompanying mop bucket. Riley had even made it after awhile, coming to stand by you and Dwight, a nervous look on her face but an awkward smile managing to make its way on her features.

 

That’s when you heard the _bang_ of Lucille overhead on the railing and Negan approaching with Carl. You let out a small sigh of relief when you saw that Carl seemed unharmed.

 

You eyes were on Negan as he handed Lucille to Carl for safe keeping, and you noticed then that Carl was without his eyepatch as well, and the only thing covering his wound was his mop of hair. Negan approached the railing, laying his hands down on the yellow-metal surface. “You know the deal. What’s about to happen is gonna be hard to watch.” Negan paused, scanning the crowd, stopping only for a moment on you before continuing, “I don’t want to do it. Hell, I wish I could just ignore the rules and let it slide, but I can’t. Why?”

 

As Negan waited for a response, he started to walk down the stairs to the main floor where you all were waiting, the crowd answered the man quickly.

 

“The rules keep us alive.”

 

“That is right!” Negan said cheerfully, stopping just at the middle section of the stairs between the top level and ground level. “We survive. We provide security to others. We bring _civilization_ back to this world!”

 

He was quiet for a moment, and then he went serious, eyes still viewing the crowd. “We are the Saviors.”

 

When you heard Negan say these words you couldn't help but admire his ideals more, but there was always a fear aspect when it came to Negan. “But we can’t do that without rules. Rules are what make it _all_ work.”

 

_Oh god._

 

“I know it’s not easy. But there’s always work. There is always a cost.”

 

_Here it comes._

 

Negan’s voice started to grow, shouting as if he was a drill sergeant mad dogging some poor recruit, and to be honest it kind of terrified you. “Here, if you try to skirt it, **if you try to cut that corner!** ” his voice stops a chuckle forming on his lips, “Then it is the iron for _you_.”

 

You could see the man tied to the chair shaking in fear, sweat dripping from his brow. You figured something like this was going to happen based of the way Dwight was acting, but you didn’t think you would be witnessing it. But that’s what Negan wanted, didn’t he? Wanted you but most importantly Carl to see what happens when you cross him. Not that you would, but you guessed he still needed to prove a point for the masses.

 

Negan slowly continued his way down after the little speech, Carl trailing after him. “D!” Negan shouted, signaling Dwight to take the hook from you. You both knew Negan wanted to rub it in Dwight's face so best to just get it over with. As Dwight started pulling the iron from the furnace, you handed Negan your heat resistant gloves that were draped over the back of your chair, and he still didn't look at you even as he grabbed them to put them on.

 

The minute the iron was in Negan’s hand, he looked to the man tied up. “Mark, I’m sorry. But it is what it is.”

 

You noticed two of the wives had tears in their eyes. One that Dwight had glanced at put her arms around the blonde girls shaking arms.

 

Negan didn’t even hesitate as he moved forward and branded the mans face with the iron. Mark’s screams echoed around the room, and you couldn't help but notice as Riley stared, unfazed by what she was seeing. But for Dwight, that wasn’t the case, and his eyes screwed shut as if he was playing the memory of the day he got branded in his mind, still fresh and painful as the day it was done. You quickly made up your mind and reached over to grab Dwight’s hand, and you expected him to shake it off or pull away, but to your surprise, he didn't. He merely gripped your hand tight in his own and kept his eyes closed till the screams stopped.

 

Negan gave an amused laugh when he was done. Mark was passed out in the chair, a pool of liquid sat around his feet. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Negan’s humorous voice rang through the silence. As he turned to face Dwight, you had squeezed his hand in a signal for him to open them before Negan saw.

 

Dwight let your hand go but you knew Negan saw it. He passed the iron to Dwight and gave out another small laugh at the fact Mark pissed himself from the pain and walked over to Daryl, no doubt ordering him to clean it up.

 

“Doc, I’m all done. Do your thing.” Negan said, moving away so that Dr. Carson could examine Mark.

 

Negan turned back around to address the crowd. “Well, the pussy passed out. But it’s settled, we’re square. Everything is _cool_.”

 

“Let Mark’s face be a daily reminder to him and to everyone else that the rules matter.” Negan said simply, as if it was a simple punishment. “I hope that we all learned something today, because I don’t _ever_ want to have to do that again.”

 

Just as you heard Negan say that, you saw Dwight look over to the girl that was comforting the blonde for the second time. _Oh_. So that was Dwight’s ex-wife.You couldn’t help but feel terrible for him, only imagining what the hell he could be going through at a time like this.

 

Negan’s movement drew your eye back as he went to talk to Carl, whispering so that only Carl could hear him. Only after did he put an arm around Carl’s shoulders and lead him away. You almost jumped out of your skin when you felt a hand on your own, looking over to see it was Riley.

 

“You okay, Scav?” Riley’s soft voice asked, her eyes searching yours.

 

You gave her a shaky smile before nodding your head. “Yeah, I’m good. Believe it or not, I’ve seen worse. Done worse, too.”

 

“Yeah,” she said softly, and then fell quiet. You couldn’t bare the silence, so you quickly asked her if she wanted to get something to eat. She shrugged and muttered a “sure,” before you linked your arms with hers and headed for the cafeteria.

 

After what had just happened, you thought it was bad timing, but honestly you were starving, and it was a good distraction. Before you were too far away, you looked over your shoulder towards Dwight, his eyes met yours before giving you a small nod of thanks. You and Riley disappeared into the crowd towards the cafeteria after that.

 

You were surprised by the amount you actually ate, you and Riley only sharing idle chatter about how her shift went before the two of you decided to go back to your shared room. You made you way up, Riley still seeming too quiet, and just when you were about to bring it up, you saw Negan marching down the hall with Carl. “Scav! Just the woman I wanted to fucking see! Do me a favor and grab your shit. I need you to take Carl down to my truck and warm her up for me. Would ya, doll?” Negan said with a wolfish smile, his tongue tracing his lips as he nudged Carl toward you and put his keys in your hand.

 

“Sure.” you say simply.

 

“And Riley,” Negan called, grabbing her attention from behind you, “I need your help with something real quick kiddo.” he said warmly to her before pulling her aside and walking her away from you and Carl.

 

You quickly put a hand on Carl’s shoulder, leading him to your and Riley’s room, only hearing a scoff from him as he read the words that Riley had painted on the door. Once you opened the door and he followed, you spoke. “Are you okay?”

 

“Why do you care?” Carl questioned, hostility still there but a sense of genuine curiosity too.

 

“Like I said before: I owe you guys one.” you respond with a shrug, slinging your rifle over your back and strapping your machete to your thigh.

 

The answer didn’t seem to be good enough for Carl as he quickly became agitated. “Then why are you helping him?! He killed our friends!”

 

You quickly turned to look at him then, his words raising your own anger in return. “And you and your group killed a whole hell of a lot more than he did. In their sleep if I recall? _Good_ people, people trying to survive just like the rest of us! I know some of them are shitbags, but most of them had families, Carl! Did you or your dad or _anyone_ in your group even stop to consider the people on the other side of the gun for two fucking seconds? Did you think about what you were taking away before you decided to wipe out a whole shitton of people for the sake of a fucking trade deal?”

 

Your words shocked him, and he stood there with his mouth agape not knowing how to respond so you beat him to the punch. “Whatever, let's just get out of here.”

 

You quickly lead Carl out of the compound to where the trucks were parked, opening the passenger door for him and then slipping around to the drivers side and hopping in, turning it on and taking a small moment to appreciate its roar. You drove the truck over to the gate of the compound with the line of other trucks, putting it in park and waiting for Negan to show up.

 

It wasn’t long until you saw the man in the rearview mirror walking with his arm over Riley’s shoulder, giving he a kiss in her hairline affectionately as a father would his daughter. She smiled, and you noted that it was the first time she had done that after the _‘burning marks face off’_ ordeal. You don’t know what happened, or how it was fixed, but you were glad she wasn’t tense or distant like before.

 

When you heard the passenger side door open, and Negan had Carl scoot over to the middle, you were confused. Did Negan actually want you to drive his truck? Before you could think on it too much, Negan ordered the moveout, only having you stop so he could call out to Daryl.

 

“Daryl! You seem worried, so I’m taking the kid home.” Negan said with a shiteating grin on his face.

 

Daryl glanced at you and Carl before saying. “If you do anything to him-”  


Negan cut Daryl off. “Dwight! Daryl needs a timeout. Put him back in his box for awhile.” You started driving as Negan flipped Daryl off, and all you could do was shake your head at Negan’s childlike behavior.

 

The ride was thankfully quiet as you took time to actually enjoy the scenery and pretend this awkward ride wasn’t happening, and you doubted you would be able to drive Negan’s truck again, so you were enjoying what time you had with the beauty.

 

When you had arrived, it was the same as last time, only now everyone's eyes widened at the sight of Carl being lead inside by Negan. You kept your weapons strapped to you but had a hand on the handle of your machete just in case. A few minutes later, you found the three of you  on a porch in front of the yellow door, and Negan wasted not time on knocking it with Lucille.

 

A plain looking curvy woman open the door, shocked to see Negan there as he strolled into the house. You followed closely after him.

 

“Great, great, great, great, great, great! Where’s Rick?” Negan asked, the woman.

 

The woman started stumbling over her words as she went to stand in front of Negan. “Uh, I-I’m just-”

 

Negan interrupted her rambling in a sing-song voice. “Doooon’t care. Where’s Rick?”

 

The woman finally caught her words but just barely. “Um, out scavenging for you.”

 

Negan smiled at that. “Cool. I'll wait.”

 

The woman again stumbled, her babbling annoying you. You knew she was just trying to get rid of Negan. You didn’t necessarily blame her, but she was terrible at it. “Um, he went out pretty far. They might not be back today.”

 

Her voice started to quiver even more as if she might cry. “We’re running pretty low on everything, we’re practically starving here.”

 

The face Negan made almost made you burst into laughter so you turned your head over your shoulder, pretending to look around the house until Negan spoke again, “Starving? You? By ‘practically’, you mean ‘not really.’”

 

You knew he had gone to far then, you bit your tongue to stop yourself from saying anything as the woman started crying and turning away from Negan, who actually looked at you over his shoulder and laughed. “Really?”

 

You gave the man a pointed glare in which he put his hands up in mock defense against your look.

 

The woman’s crying didn’t stop so he let out a annoyed breath. “You people seriously don’t have a sense of humor.” Negan took a moment to sigh and approached the woman again, “Excuse me? What’s your name again?” he tried with a sincere voice.

 

The woman tensed before responding, obvious annoyance and anger in her voice. “Olivia.”

 

Olivia wiped her face of tears and put her glasses back on, back still facing Negan.

 

“Right, Olivia.” Negan looked to you again, so you motioned him forward, and he made a face but walked forward more to put a hand on the woman and turn her around. “I am sorry for having been so rude to you just now.” Olivia looked generally surprised by Negan’s apology, but the smart ass just had to keep running his mouth, “And it looks like I’m gonna be here for a while, awaiting your fearless leader’s return. And if you’d like, I think it would be enjoyable to screw your brains out.”

 

At that point, you slapped your hand to your face, dragging it down at how much of an ass this guy could be. “I mean, if, you know, you’re agreeable to it.” and just as the words left Negan’s mouth, there was a resounding _smack_ in the air as Olivia’s hand connected with his face.

 

But the smug bastard just had to make the woman’s skin crawl more, leaning in to mutter, “I’m about fifty-percent more into you now. Just sayin.”

 

Olivia looked as if she was about to be hit with Lucille any moment, but you knew better, and her fear was pointless when he already got the reaction he wanted from the woman, his laugh proving your point. “Alright, well, Scav and I here are just gonna put our feet up and wait for my stuff to get here. Olivia, would you be a lamb and make us a little lemonade? I know I left you all some of that good powdered shit.”

 

Olivia looked like she was going to shit her pants as she started to say. “Well, I’m not supposed to-”

 

Negan’s sudden loud voice made her jump, “Make it!”  and then softer, but much more dark, “Make it, take your time. Make it good.”

 

Olivia took no time in ushing out of the house after that, and Negan turned to look at Carl with excitement. “Alright kid! Take me on the grand tour!”

 

You watched with amusement as you went room to room in the house.  Negan had even taken off his boots and his socks to feel the clean carpet against his feet, obviously having the time of his life. He enjoyed the running water in the kitchen, turning the faucet on and off again much to Carl’s annoyance, and even more to his annoyance when Negan had made a bullseye while they were playing darts. The mans utter joy made the boy give him a strange look to which you just shook your head and laughed.

 

When there was only one room left, Carl tried walking by it, but Negan stopped him. “How about this one?”

 

Carl quickly tired to make up a lie. “Oh it’s just a water heater.”  


Negan looked at Carl like the kid was stupid. “Are you serious, kid? Come on.”

 

As Negan threw open the door and saw what was inside, you swore the man's eyes twinkled with mirth. “Oh-ho, my. Look at this little angel!” Negan passed Lucile over to Carl so he could  pick the child up. Negan was obviously in love with the little girl in his arms, cooing at her and bouncing her back and forth like a real dad, the sight making your mouth drop. You couldn't help but look at the man as if he was a stranger, looking at you and giving you a warm smile, obviously enjoying the look in your eyes.

 

“Why don’t we go out and enjoy this nice weather huh? Would you like that?” Negan turned back and cooed at Judith.

 

The next thing you knew, Negan was leading you all outside to sit in the rocking chairs on the porch, and Olivia had dropped off the lemonade and ran off as fast as she could. Negan was rocking Judith in his lap while Carl was to his left between the table with lemonade, you directly to his right.

 

“Oh, this little girl is precious.” Negan hummed, continuing with this happy feeling as someone walked by. “Hey, neighbor! Why don’t you come by later? We might grill out!” he chuckled at his own rambling in total bliss of the moment.

 

Negan turned to look at you, giving you a look you just couldn't quite pin down, but at the heat of his gaze, your cheeks started to flush, causing you to look away as if you were enjoying the scenery. “Oh, I like it here. Mm-hmm, I might just have to stay here.” Negan comments. You could still feel his gaze burning into your skin.

 

Negan turned to Carl. “You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, Carl.” at this, Negan earns Carl’s attention. “Maybe it is stupid leaving you and your dad alive. I mean, why am I trying so hard? Maybe I should just bury you both down in one of those flower beds.” Negan says, motioning to the flowers in front of the house, looking back at Judith and using a small baby voice, “Huh?”

 

If he wasn’t threatening Carl and Rick, it might all have seemed nice, but he had to ruin the moment for the fiftieth time today. “And then I could just settle into the suburbs with Scav.” Negan said the last part under his breath to Judith, but since you were so close, you just barely caught it, giving the man a strange look.

 

But Negan was ignoring everything again, talking to Judith and making funny noises. “What do you think about that?” he said to her before giving her a big kiss on her face and jumping her up and down on his knee as if he had done it a thousand times before.

 

He finally turned back to you and gave you a small wink, a huge smile on his face that you didn’t think you would ever see on the man, and if you were being honest with yourself…

  
You _wanted_ to see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys!! Some of you may have noticed at the end of last chapter that we were moving into the storyline, I am going to be using dialogue from the show so please don't assume I'm actually talented enough to come up with all that great dialogue, that honor belongs to the writers of the show. But anyways, of course I will be tweaking a few of the lines but I will also be adding scenes and of course this is all still in the Readers perspective on the events we all know and love. If you all like it please let me know, or if you think I need to change it more and you have suggestions please don't hesitate to put it down in the comments. Love you guys and thank you for all the support!
> 
> If you guys like reading my fics or even want one of your own written please consider supporting me by buying me a coffee on my Ko-Fi! It all contributes to me putting out more updates and even giving a little bonus to you if you wish! Its a lot easier to write with clear head when you don't have to worry about bills and such as I'm sure all of you know all too well! (: [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A5552GXZ)


	10. Spaghetti Wednesday

_ Oh god, why? _

 

You couldn’t help but stare at the clean shaven serial killer in front of you like he had just killed your cat, the sight causing you to gape at Negan like a fish out of water. 

 

“Well?” Negan said, gesturing to himself with his arms wide open as he exited the bathroom with Carl and Judith. You so desperately wanted to form some kind of coherent sentence, but all that came out was silence before Negan had interrupted you. “I know what you’re gonna say, irresistible right?”

 

All you could do in response was shake your head at the man and his antics before he was already on another thought that had popped into his mind. “Hey, who's hungry? Carl, I bet you are, right? I mean — what with you all practically starving anyhow.” Negan finished, the sarcasm of the sentence sewn into his cheshire smile.

 

It wasn’t long after that you found yourself donning an apron and playing sous chef with Negan; not that he gave you a choice in the matter when he practically dragged you over and made a show of putting the apron on you as if you were his own little doll to dress up how he liked. Even poor Carl got wrangled into the mess and was preparing the dough for the bread.

 

“Damn, that smells good.” Negan was practically drooling over the smell of the pasta sauce, lifting the spoon to take a taste.

 

The groan he made caused you to snigger at the man as you salted and prepared the boiling water for the noodles, you heard Negan offer Carl a taste but you could only imagine the look on the boys face as if he thought Negan was crazy for even trying to play house with him.

 

The hand that snaked around your waist was followed shortly after by its counterpart, as Negan lifted a spoon with sauce to your face, the sudden action causing you to jump slightly, Negan’s breath ghosting across your skin. “What about you, doll? Care for a taste?”

 

You didn’t even want to think about whatever kind of innuendo was crossing Negan's mind right now as you took the offered spoon into your mouth, tasting the sauce. To your surprise it was actually  _ really  _ good, causing you to let your own satisfied sound leave your lips.

 

“Atta girl.” Negan whispered into your ear, before slowly dragging his hand away from your waist so he could continue stirring the simmering sauce.

 

You were thankful that everyone was too preoccupied to see the blush that was blooming across your face, but you were sure it was just because of how hot it was in the kitchen standing over the boiling pot of water, right? No, you knew the truth, but hell if you were actually going to admit it to yourself right now. Everything felt off, but at the same time normal, as if the world hadn’t ended and you could just pretend for a moment that this was your happy little family. 

 

As soon as the thought crossed your mind, you took a quick glance at Negan. Is this why he was doing all this? Negan seemed to feel your eyes on him as he glanced up to look at you with a smirk on his lips. The look in his eyes was something you could never forget, as if he too believed that dream for just one second, before he took his eyes away from you.  _ No. _ There was still something missing.

 

_ Riley. _

 

At the thought of your friend back home, your own smile dropped from your face. You could only imagine that this is the kind of life that he’s always wanted for Riley, the kind of life he was so desperately trying to provide for so many. 

 

“I wish she was here too.” you leaned in, whispering to the man next to you.

 

It was so quiet that for a moment you thought he didn’t hear you, until he put a hand to the small of your back letting you know he heard you. But as quick as it was placed, it was gone, and Negan was back.

 

“Now where do you suppose that Olivia is with more of that good lemonade, huh?” he said with a smile as we started shifting everything over to the presentation bowls.

 

As if on cue, Olivia opened the door, looking like a scared little mouse that got caught stealing more cheese. “Uh-uh s-sorry for the w-wait. We, um, had to find some more.”

 

Negan’s devilish tongue slithered out across his lips at the woman, obviously enjoying the fear that oozed out of her. “No worries, you found some right? Perfect! You’re also just in time for dinner!” he finished with a grand show of his arms.

 

Olivia just nodded her head in understanding, swiftly moving to pick up Judith the minute she put the lemonade down on the counter. While you didn’t hold any empathy for the woman, your  _ sympathy _ decided to rear its ugly face as you saw the woman brushing the tears from her cheeks.

 

Negan had already put Carl to work on setting the table so you decided to take pity on the quivering woman and help her make the lemonade. You grabbed the pitcher from earlier today and set it on the counter, quickly moving to grab the sugar. Olivia looked at you as if you grew a second head, but her eyes took no time at all to melt into more bubbling sadness as she mouthed a thank you while she measured out the powder mix and you added the sugar. 

 

Before you thought twice about it you patted her shoulder in an attempt to comfort the woman, but quickly withdrew your hand to fill up the pitcher with water. When you put the pitcher back on the counter, Olivia was looking at you as if she couldn’t understand why you were being so nice. But instead of dwelling on it for too long she took the wooden spoon you offered her and started stirring the mixture whilst holding Judith. You had to admit she looked like a proper mother in that moment, as if she had done it a thousand times.

 

Negan’s rumbling voice suddenly broke though the awkward silence. “We’re gonna need another setting.”

 

You didn’t understand why Negan requested it at first, but then it suddenly dawned on you.

 

_ Rick.  _

 

The bastard wanted to surprise the man and throw him off by showing him that he had a nice little family day with Rick’s children. You had to admit that it was ballsy, that and the man must not be afraid of getting shot on sight by Rick, but you had to trust Negan’s judgement.

 

As if Negan knew you were staring at the back of his head, his hand rose to motion you over to the seat to his left, “Have a seat Scav.”

 

_ Here we fuckin’ go. _

 

You finally — after a second — pushed yourself to drag your feet over to the seat as Olivia was filling up Negan’s glass. The minute you sat down everything felt wrong and forced, as if there was a noose hanging over the table instead of a chandelier. The eternity that passed by in silence only enhanced the feeling as you all sat together waiting. Even Judith seemed tired of the whole ordeal and fell asleep in Olivia’s arms.

 

Negan’s sudden exhale finally broke the silence, as if even _he_ had enough. “I'm not waiting for your dad anymore. I don't know where the hell he is, but Lucille —” Negan then promptly raised Lucille and sat her in Rick’s spot, “—is hungry.”

 

After stuffing a napkin down his white shirt in a makeshift bib, Negan had to push even more by saying, “Carl, pass the rolls.” 

 

The boy next to you gave you a look with his one eye that said,  _ are you fucking serious?  _ But you just shrugged and tried to convey through your eyes that he should just cooperate. Negan smiled at the silent exchange before adding, “Please?” as Carl finally relented and passed you the rolls to give to Negan.

 

The man happily took some on his plate as did you — no use letting all this food going to waste. Yeah, it was awkward, but you were fucking starving and the food looked great. Even Carl and Olivia gave in, but you just assumed it was because they didn’t want to die over denying the man his spaghetti.

 

_ Wouldn’t that be a way to die? _

 

You chuckled to yourself at as you all ate in awkward silence — but the  _ food _ — damn was it good. You didn’t even try to hide that fact that you enjoyed Negan’s cooking, because the last time you could remember you had an honest to god home cooked meal was before all this shit had started. Negan even let a small grumble of laughter roll though him at the sight and shook his head as he took another sip of lemonade. 

 

“At least someone's enjoying themselves.” he muttered under his breath, but with the silence you were sure everyone heard him.

 

You looked over to Judith to see that she had a spaghetti face that put your enjoyment to shame as her chubby fingers smashed through the spaghetti noodles and shoved them into her mouth. In a desperate attempt to crack at least a few smiles, you motioned over to Judith. “Doesn’t look like I’m the only one, that girls going to town.” you said laughing, a warm smile crossing your face as even Carl looked over and a small smile cracked at his lips.

 

“Well, looks like I still know how to make  _ most _ women happy.” Negan smirked at the little girl, doing his baby voice again across the table at Judith and scrunching up his face at her. The laugh that echoed out of her warmed your heart as she squealed in joy at Negan’s funny faces, trying to copy his own through her messy spaghetti face. 

 

But of course when Negan was around no one could let happiness exist long enough as Olivia suddenly stood up from her chair to whip the little girls face with shaky hands, lifting her out of her booster seat once she knew she would have to wash Judith’s face if she truly wanted an excuse to get it clean. The action even caused Carl to pause and make the smile on his face disappear, as if he just got caught doing something wrong. Hell, Negan even looked a little annoyed at the woman.

 

Taking that as your own cue, you started picking up the plates, “You need help, Olivia?” you offered.

 

The woman quickly whipped her head toward you and started shaking it profusely. “No! Uh, no t-that’s alright. I got it.” and then she all but ran to the bathroom with Judith, and you were sure the woman was probably going to have another crying fit inside.

 

You simply shrugged your shoulders and continued grabbing the plates, surprised when Negan started grabbing the leftovers and bringing them to the kitchen with you. It wasn’t lost on you that he had left Lucille staring across the table at Carl. In fact, you were sure it was on purpose, as if to beg the boy to do something about it. But you just started to wash everything in silence as Negan wrapped the leftovers and stuck them in the fridge. 

 

This whole thing was oddly like an episode of some horrible family sitcom, and you were even so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice Negan had come up beside you to hand dry the dishes as you set them down. As you set the last dish down, you were still staring out the window, oblivious to the fact that Negan was winding up the towel he was using to get your attention. 

 

_ SMACK! _

 

The sudden snap of the towel against your ass and the pinching pain caused you to jump and yell. “Fuck, Negan! That shit hurt! If I get a fucking bruise-!”

 

Negan’s laughter cut you off as you grumbled at him, rubbing your hand over the sore part of your ass he whipped with the towel. “I’m sorry princess, but I just had to! It was the perfect opper- _ fucking _ -tunity.” 

 

All you did was glare at him in response, moving to start putting the dry dishes back in their place. As you were putting a plate back into the top cabinet, you felt Negan slide up behind you and pin you to the counter, his hands placing themselves on your hips as his face leaned in. His lips traveled from the base of your neck to the shell of your ear before he whispered, “I can always kiss it better.” 

 

You shuddered at the contact and his breath as it fanned across your skin. You could feel his smirk growing along with something else that felt all too familiar to that time in the apartment you were held up in. Quickly remembering Carl was just in the dining room behind you, you bumped Negan away with your ass as you finished putting away the plates, throwing him a look across your shoulder towards Carl. Your eyes tore into Negan as if saying,  _ ‘Now isn’t the fucking time for your poorly timed flirting!’ _

 

Negan lazily leaned up against the counter next to you and watched you, shrugging his shoulders before saying. “You’re no fun, doll.” the smile that crept across his face never left you as he bit his bottom lip, watching you.

 

You decided the best course of action this point was to just ignore him and hope he moved on to terrorize someone else. It seemed to work in your favor as Negan seemed to grow bored and went to pick up Lucille, not even bothering to look at Carl as he continued to the door. The sound of voices could be heard and you strained your neck around to peak towards the door, only to see Arat blocking the way from one of the Alexandrians.

 

When Negan turned to look at you, he glanced between Carl and then back to you as if saying, ‘ _ watch him’  _ before stepping outside and shutting the door behind him.

 

At this point, you thought this was the perfect time for all of you to let out a breath without the man watching your every move. Even Olivia creeped out of the bathroom with Judith to see if the coast was clear, but upon seeing you finishing up putting the dishes away, she paused.

 

“Don’t worry, he’s gone. Well, he’s on the porch talking to someone at least.” you say, not even bothering to look at her but you could see out of the corner of your eye that she relaxed a bit.

 

Carl simply strolled over to the window to see who it was. “It’s Spencer, what the hell is he up to?”

 

“He bad news I take it?” you say after your job was done, crossing over to take a quick peek out the window before letting the blinds fall back into place.

 

Carl turned to look at you, as if he was thinking about whether to answer your question or not. “No one ever knows what he’s up to.”

 

You simply hummed in response, knowing that type too well. Weasels always get what's coming to them though, and just one look at the well groomed man told you he was trouble with a pretty face. You even laughed at the thought that this ‘Spencer’ thought he could butter up Negan with a cheap bottle of whiskey and some pretty words.

 

“Let’s all just hope he doesn’t do anything stupid then, right? He’s already treading on thin ice just talking to the man.” you say, looking at both Olivia and Carl.

 

Olivia nodded her head in agreement to your words, rocking Judith back and forth in her arms. The poor woman was never calm, was she? 

 

“I’m sorry, by the way.” you say to her, the words causing her head to shoot up and look at you questioningly. “About Negan, what he said to you, and how he’s been acting. I won’t try to explain myself because I know you don’t really care. Hell, I know you’d rather see all of us dead and Negan will always be this way towards all of you, but I’m sorry you are in the crossfires of all this.”

 

Olivia continued to stare at you and nodded her head, seeming to accept your words, but Carl didn’t.

 

“Then why don’t you kill him? If you’re so sorry, why don’t you just help us?” Carl all but spat the words at your feet, his one eye drilling holes into you. 

 

“It’s not that simple Carl. To you and your people, Negan is a monster, and if the situation was different I’m sure I would agree. But that’s not what life had planned for me.” you say, looking at the boy with pity.

 

Carl simply shook his head at you and stormed off to sit in a chair, knowing he should stay put but trying to show his aggravation at the same time. You couldn't blame him, but there were a lot of things he didn’t understand. He was still too young to fully comprehend the levels at which people exist and how in certain situations they change in order to adapt and survive. You hoped that one day he would understand; that this boy that had been trained to shoot on site would reach out and try to remember what it was like to be human again. 

 

But the sound of the door slamming open had to jostle you out of those thoughts.

 

“Me and my new friend Spencer are gonna play some pool! And I  _ just _ know all you mighty fine people are dying to watch.” Negan proclaimed after he threw the door open. You knew this wasn’t really him asking and more of demanding an audience, so you motioned for Olivia and Carl to follow.

 

After Olivia put Judith down you all made your way outside, standing on the porch with a great view of this so called ‘ _ pool game.’  _ You just knew this Spencer guy was up to something, and in your stomach you felt something bad was about to happen.

 

Negan had even waved you down to chalk up his pool cue as he talked to Spencer. “I could never do this with Rick. He would just be standing there, scowling, giving me that annoying side-eye he gives me.”

 

Negan slowly took the pool cue you held out to him, watching as Spencer lined up the set before speaking, “That's actually what I came to see you about. I want to talk to you about Rick.”

 

_ Here we fucking go. _

 

You just fucking knew that this guy had to go and fuck up his chances at living through the day. You could even sense it in Negan as he lined up the cue ball and let out a breath, “Alright, Spencer. Talk to me. Talk to me about —” Negan paused for dramatic affect, “Rick!” as soon as he said the words he struck the cue ball.

 

All you wanted to do was yell at the guy to shut his mouth before it was shut permanently, but you balled up your fist and clenched Negan’s whiskey glass that he had handed you and remained standing beside Negan.

 

“I get what you’re trying to do here, what you’re trying to build.” Negan continued around the table, making his shots and pocketing a couple of billiard balls as Spencer spoke. You could almost feel his teeth grinding in his mouth at his patience.

 

But Spencer continued, “I’m not saying I agree with your methods, but I get it. You’re building a network. You’re making people contribute for the greater good, it makes sense. But you should know that Rick Grimes has a history of not working well with others.”

 

Negan hummed in feign interest, missing his last shot. “Is that so?”

 

Spencer moved around the table to chalk up his own cue. “Rick wasn't the original leader here.   
My mom was. She was doing a really good job of it. Then she died, not long after Rick showed up—same with my brother, same with my dad.”

 

Negan slunk over to you taking his glass from your hand and taking a lazy sip, running his tongue across his lips to savor the taste. “So, everything was peachy here for—what—years? And then Rick shows up, and suddenly, you're an orphan?”

 

Negan paused, looking at Spencer with dangerous eyes. “That’s the saddest story I ever heard. Good thing for you,  _ he’s _ not in charge anymore.”

 

Spencer was lining up his shot when he answered, and you had to admit the guy had balls for using the tone of voice he did with Negan. “Doesn't matter. His ego's out of control. He'll find a way to screw things up, to try and do things his way, to take over. That's what he did with my mom. That's what he'll do again.” 

 

Spencer finally took the shot as Negan was standing next to him, watching the balls move across the table with humor twinkling in his eyes. You just  _ knew  _ something was about to happen as Negan took another sip from his glass.

 

“What exactly are you proposing be done about that?” Negan’s voice had serious undertones lining his words.

 

“I am my mother's son. I can be the leader she was. That’s what this place needs.” Spencer pointed a finger to the crowd gathered around them, and as if he didn’t know—or didnt care—that he was nailing in the last nail into his own coffin. “That’s what  _ you  _ need.”

 

_ Yup, this fucker is dead. _

 

Negan seemed to be enjoying this charade though, as he played along with the poor sap that didn’t know he was already dead. “So I should put you in charge—that's what you're saying?”

 

“We’d be much better off.” Spencer added.

 

The smirk on Negan’s face as he took another drink was priceless, patting Spencer on the shoulder.

 

“You know, I'm thinking, Spencer. I'm thinking how Rick threatened to kill me, how he clearly hates my guts. But he is out there right now, gathering shit for me to make sure I don't hurt any of the fine people that live here. He is swallowing his hate and getting shit done. That takes guts.” Negan was chuckling to himself during his little speech, laying out the truth for Spencer.

 

Negan handed you his glass and lined up another shot and took it, then slowly put his pool cue down, “And then there's you, the guy who waited for Rick to be gone so he could sneak over and talk to me to get me to do his dirty work, so he could take Rick's place. So I got to ask—if you wanna take over, why not just kill Rick yourself and just take over?” 

 

Negan was creeping his way over toward Spencer, and you followed, placing the glass down on the table. It was dawning on Spencer that Negan understood how much of a weasel this guy really was.

 

“What? No, no. I didnt—I dont—”

 

Negan swiftly cut Spencer off. “You know what I’m thinking? ‘Cause I have a guess.”

 

You wish this guy was smart enough to run, but he just stood there, not knowing that these would be his last moments as Negan slowly leaned in to whisper, “It’s because you got no  _ guts. _ ”

 

Just as swiftly as the words left his mouth did Negan whip out his knife and plunge it into Spencer’s stomach, causing the whole crowd to gasp, and even more so when he slit it further across his belly to spill his intestines. 

 

Spencer was trying desperately to hold them in as he fell to the ground, and the look on Negan’s face was beyond satisfied. “How embarrassing.  _ There _ they are. They were inside you the whole time. You did have guts! I've never been so wrong in my whole life!” Negan was happily shouting the last words with feigned remorse, his lips slowly spreading into a toothy grin.

 

He was relishing in the shock and anger around him as he walked around the table to pick up Lucille, but something felt wrong. You could sense it on your skin as you followed him closely, watching the crowd and seeing the seething latina girl in front of the crowd. You kept your eyes on her as Negan spoke.

 

“Now, someone oughta get up here and clean this mess up.”

 

_ Silence. _

 

“Oh.” Negan raised Lucille and scanned across the crowd as if he just remembered. “Anyone what to finish the game? C’mon.”

 

Negan was smiling in delight. “Anybody?”

 

The fear that permeated the air was deafening. “Anybody?” Negan repeated before stomping his boot on the ground playfully.

 

“C’mon! I was winning!” 

 

You felt the air around you go tight as everything slowed down into slow-motion. The latina girl was pulling out her pistol that she definitely was  _ not  _ supposed to have since Negan took all of their guns. Without a second thought, you reached for Negan’s hand that was holding Lucille and brought it up to protect his face right as the gun was fired. You could feel the force pulse through your hand but with both your and Negan’s grip on it, it didn't move.

 

The world started speeding back up as you heard Negan’s muffled voice over the adrenaline ringing in your ears. “Shit! What the shit?!”

 

Negan lowered Lucille and you could practically feel his rage, the latina girl’s face was full of sadness at her failed assassination attempt looking at you with disgust as Arat tackled her to the ground and put a knife to her neck.

 

“Shit! You just—You tried to kill me?! You shot Lucille!” Negan was pacing around wildly like a madman, ready to drive said bat into the girls head.

 

The latina girl bitterly looked up at him from the ground, then towards you. “It’s  _ her _ fault. She put her in the way!” the smug look on her face spoke volumes as Negan seethed down at her.

 

Everyone was looking around wildly waiting for the worst to happen as you watched Negan pace. He wasn’t even looking at you, and for a second you thought you had just fucked up. But then Negan looked down to look at the shell casing. “What is this? What is this? This little bad boy made from scratch?  _ Look _ at those crimps.This was homemade.You may be stupid, darlin', but you showed some  _ real _ ingenuity here. Arat, move that knife up out on that girl's face.”

 

Arat quickly moved the knife from the girls neck to her face, lightly pressing down. “Lucille’s beautiful, smooth surface it never gonna look the same,” Negan leaned in to yell down at the girl’s face, “so  _ why  _ should yours?!”

 

Arat was now firmly pushing the knife into the girl’s face, not enough to cut but to show force, Negan’s voice lowered again but was still quivering with anger. “Unless, unless you tell me who made  _ this _ .”

 

The chick certainly showed balls as she looked up into Negan’s face with defiance. “It was me. I made it.”

 

Negan couldn't help the smile that crossed his face at her words, but it soon turned sour. “You see, now I just think you're lying. And you lying to me now?!” Negan yelled back at her, pausing before thinking something over in his head.

 

“It’s a shame, Arat’s gonna have to cut up that pretty face.” Negan took in a deep breath before giving the girl one more chance, “One more try.”

 

The girl proved her steely courage as she pushed her face up into the blade. “It was  _ me. _ ” 

 

Even you were impressed by her behavior, but she did make a huge mistake that you  _ knew _ she would pay for with more than just a little scratch. Negan’s shaky laughter cause you to look back to the scene before you as he spoke. “Oh! You’re such a badass!”

 

But you knew that wouldn’t be enough. “Fine.” Negan responds quietly after a moment of silence, “Have it your way. Arat, kill somebody.” Negan started walking around lazily waiting as Arat pulled out her weapon.

 

The latina girl’s face lit up with fear as the blood from her cut ran down her face, “No! It was me! No!” she desperately tried to say, hoping Arat would take her life instead of someone else's.

 

As quick as Arat took out her handgun, Olivia’s body was lying on the floor of the porch, the shot had rang out and her body lay lifeless on the ground. The Alexandrian’s were all shaking with fear and sadness from another lost member of their flock. Carl’s shocked eye found yours, and even you were slightly saddened at the choice but you suppose Arat just choose at random.

 

As if fate had decided now was the best moment, Rick was hobbling up to the scene with a man, before shuffling up quickly to Negan. “We had an agreement!”

 

Negan’s hoarse voice spoke as he looked at Rick, as if his friend had finally shown up to the party. “Rick! Look everybody, it’s Rick. Ah, your people are making my lose my voice doin’ all this yelling.”

 

Rick was looking around wildly, making sure no one else was taken in the cross fires, and Negan quickly grabbed his attention. “Rick, how about a ‘thank you’?”

 

Negan licked his lips smiling as he leaned in but then made a face as if he realised he made a mistake. “I mean, look, I know we started this relationship with me beating the holy shit out of your friends, and because of that, we're never gonna sit around and braid each other's hair or share our deepest, darkest secrets, but how about a little credit? I just bent over backwards to show you how reasonable I am.”

 

“Your kid—” Negan started again, pointing toward Carl, “he hid in one of my trucks and machine-gunned a bunch of my men down, and I brought him home, safe and sound, and I fed him  _ spaghetti _ .” 

 

Rick looked toward Carl like he was about to give that boy the biggest lecture of his damn life. It would of been a rather funny sight but with the situation at hand it all felt more dire than hilarious.

 

Negan dragged Ricks attention back as he motioned towards Spencer’s lifeless body. “Another one of your people—well, he wanted me to kill you and put him in charge. I took him out—” Negan paused motioning a finger towards Rick, “—for you.”

 

As if that wasn't enough, Negan continued to the latest development, “And another one, here—” he raise Lucille to point at the girl with the fresh cut on her face, “she shot Lucille, trying to kill me just now, and if it wasn’t for Scav I’d be the one on the ground! So, I gave you one less mouth to feed” 

 

But Negan had to really nail in his point and his next words made you wince as he pointed to the body on the porch, “And by looking at her—that mouth did some  _ major  _ damage.” he said, referencing the now deceased Olivia. “Now, personally, I wouldn't have picked her to be the one to go, but Arat—I don't know—didn't trust her.”

 

As Negan finished, his smile returned to his face as he was waiting for Rick to just say something to make his day. You just hoped he wouldn’t say anything stupid to make his shit day even worse.

 

Rick was on the verge of tears before he answered. “Your shit’s waiting for you at the gate. Just go.”

 

Negan’s chin went to his neck as he made a face at Rick’s words, as if he was shocked his ‘best friend’ just said that. “Well, sure thing Rick. Right after I find the guy or gal that made this bullet.” Negan said as he raised up the casing for Rick to see.

 

When no one answered Negan looked over to Arat. “Arat?”

 

Arat again took aim at a random stranger causing everyone to panic, another girl jumping in to say, “It was me!”

 

But then a crying voice cut in, “No, it wasn’t.”

 

Negan turned towards the man that was covering his face with his hands, walking slowly to stand in front of him. 

 

“It was me, it was only me.” You could see how bad the man was shaking that even the hair on the back of his mullet was quivering with him.

 

Negan’s voice was dark and questioning. “You?”

 

The man slowly took in a shaky breath. “It required one spent casing, one four-holed turret reloader, powder, one funnel for the powder—”

 

Negan quickly cut the man off the minute he started speaking, knowing very well that he was telling the truth. “Shut up.” Negan put a hand on the man's shoulder, “I believe you.”

 

Negan slowly turned around, breathing heavily as if he needed some sort of guidance or mystical force to ground him, and sure enough he raised Lucille and brandished her with both hands and closed his eyes. “Lucille, give me strength!”

 

Negan slowly let a breath leave his mouth as he turned towards Rick, “I'm gonna be relieving you of your bullet maker, Rick—that and whatever you left for me at the front gate. And however much you scavenged, it's not good enough, because you're still in a serious,  _ serious _ hole after today.”

 

The silence the hung in the air felt like it was choking the life out of these people at Negan’s words, and Rick said nothing as Negan finally barked out the order to move out. The only one left fighting Negan’s words was the latina girl, her sorrow and tears even wrenched at your own heart as the bullet maker was taken towards the trucks. “No! No, no!  _ Please _ , just take me! No!”

 

Negan was ignoring her as he turned to Rick, his ears deaf to her cries. “Rick, I ain’t gonna lie—your kitchen is a goddamn mess!” Negan started laughing again at his own joke before a final look towards Rick, “I’ll see you next time.”

 

Negan swiftly put a hand to the small off your back to lead you away, but something in the way it felt made it burn. As if it held more weight than what was actually there as he guided you to the truck, and once he slammed the door behind you, you knew you were fucked.

 

As soon as Negan got in and started up the truck, you were waiting for the worst. He wasn’t even looking at you as you drove away from Alexandria. You didn't know how long it was as you were squirming in your seat, so instead of waiting for the end to come you decided to meet it full force, “I’m sorry.” you murmur.

 

At your words, Negan’s head whips around to look at you. “What?”

 

His face was contorted in actual confusion as he looked at you like you had just grown a second head. “Why the  _ hell _ are you apologising?”

 

“I just thought that-” you started before Negan barked out a laugh, causing you to jump at the sound.

 

“Shit doll, stop being so jumpy. You did nothin’ wrong, if anything it was really fucking touching how concerned you were for my safety.” Negan said putting a hand to his chest and giving you a smirk.

 

“Well I just thought that-well Lucille-” you started to mumble out, remembering how mad he was when the bullet struck the bat.

 

“It’s just a bat.” Negan said sharply, letting out a long sigh before continuing softer this time. “You want me to be honest? You want to know what’s on my mind?”

 

You let your eyes raise to meet his, and you could see something in them you couldn’t quite understand, as if the emotion was foreign to see on a man like him. “No one has ever done what you did for me. After it happened, I could only think about what would of happened if she had missed, hell what if her shaky little trigger finger was off and she hit you? Or what if she did hit me? What would happen to Riley or to you?”

 

The weight of his words started to sink into you, He was  _ scared. _

 

“You know I would never let anything happen to Riley.” you say softly, putting a hand on his arm as his gaze went back to the road, as if it hurt to look at you.

 

“That’s not the fucking point, doll. If I had died—you don’t think they would kill you too? Riley would never forgive me either way, and I don't think I could go through that again. I was being fucking ballsy today and the whole thing could of gone up in fucking smoke! I could of lost you!” Negan’s grip on the steering wheel was deadly as the words tumbled from his mouth, the muscles on his arms clenching so hard you were surprised the man didn't explode.

 

_ Go through what again? What did he mean? _

 

When Negan finally looked back over to you, it was if he shook the whole conversation instantly, and his arm went slack. “It’s Leslie, right? No wait-Lindsey isn't it?”

 

You gave him a questioning look at his change of topic, it was like he had dropped the emotion and words instantly and was try thing change the subject. “What?” you stammered out, dropping your hand from his arm.

 

“Your name. I haven’t guessed it in awhile and I’m  _ itching _ to find it out. Laney maybe? You kind of look like a Laney.” Negan said with a small smile. He wanted you to distract him, to take his mind away from the dark places that threatened to consume him.

 

You let your own smile spread across you face before scrunching up your nose and shaking your head. “No, definitely not.”

 

“Damn, well there is always next time.” Negan said before looking back to the road.

 

“Yeah,” you muttered, not taking your eyes off the man as the orange glow of the setting sun was dusting his skin, “next time.”

 

You really hoped that you would live to see next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I'm sure by now you all know that my update schedule will never be consistent.. I apologize but... life. Anyways, I tried to still add in the important parts of the show but add more side stuff? I hope you all like it and leave a comment to let me know your thoughts! Stay cool you kooky kids. (:


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